Tired n' Lonely

I opened by eyes, but immediately wished that I hadn't. My head was throbbing. I don't think I had ever been so hungover.
I rolled out of the bed and practically crawled to the small fridge, pulling a carton of juice out and pouring it into my mouth. I felt sick with each mouthful but forced it down anyway to try and kill this hangover. I looked around the room – there was not too much damage – a couple of pizza boxes a couple of empty bottles. I groaned, crashing back down onto the creaky old sofa bed.
“ugh” Joey stirred from beside me, “what time is it?”
“I have no idea...” I couldn't be bothered to go and look at the clock in the other room.
“Shouldn't you be opening the shop?”
I curled up in a ball on the bed and closed my eyes “argh, I really don't want to sit behind the till with loud music on all day.”
“Think about me, I have to listen to this guy play bass all day. It's not fun with a hang over.”
“We really shouldn't drink so much next time...if there is a next time.” I added hastily.
“Oh, for sure...and now you even have a bed where we can stay.”
“OK, OK, laugh all you want... just because I never threw the sofa cushions off for no reason.”
He moved a little closer to me and brushed his fingertips down my sides. I began to squirm and giggle like a little girl.
“Aww you're so cute Nicky-wicky.”
“Hey” I managed between laughs “quit it!”
“Aw OK, I'll be nice to you.” he stopped abruptly and wrapped his arms around me. We curled up together warm under the covers in the cold room. Together like this yet again. Everything seemed to be pulling us together. He kissed me again, soft and sombre like he was kissing me good bye. This moment was so special, so sad and so beautiful and I kissed him back, forgetting how much I would regret it in the moments to come. We would have been together in a heart beat if things were more simple, I knew it. But they weren't, and so we maintained a façade of friendship with occasional accidental lapses like this. He stroked my hair, held me close to him. We said nothing. Speaking would mean acknowledging that this shouldn't happen.
We stared into each other's eyes in quiet understanding that we wouldn't speak. He kissed me after a short time and I moved a little closer to him so that it felt as though we would melt into one another. My hands ran across his body and my heart began to race but suddenly he pushed me away.
“We really can't do this.” He said, but after a second of silence we were back together.
But there was only so long we could deny it. He was right. We couldn't be together.
The phone rang out and I clambered across the room to get it.
“Veronica.”
My mother in law.
“Is everything alright?”
“I was going to ask you the same thing. My neighbour says the shop is closed.”
“Oh... I overslept.”
“Are you sure everything is OK, you've never done anything like that before.”
“Yeah, yeah... I'm fine. Just needed a lie in.”
“Well, have a good day.”
“I will. Say hi to the kids for me.”
I hung up.
“Everything OK Nicky?”
“Yeah... just don't feel like opening up today.”
“Well... why don't you come with me to this audition? Bringing a beautiful lady with me will work wonders for my street cred.”
“I really can't.”
“Oh come on, just the once.”
“OK.” Saying it gave me butterflies. Damn he was a bad influence on me. He was one of those people you couldn't help but be spontaneous around. He was just so impulsive himself that it rubbed off. Most people would have called him irresponsible, I guess, but for me he was just amazing to be around because he did what made him happy and didn't care what effect it would have on other people. Not in a selfish way, just in... an amazing way.
I pulled my leather trousers from yesterday back on along with my T Shirt.
“I am kind of relieved you said yes actually. I have no idea where this guy lives.”
“Do you even know his name?”
“Well... not technically, no... but I do know what he looks like.”
“Ah that's OK then.” I teased.
He pulled his T shirt back on, and when he went to pick his bag up the paper clipping dropped out onto the floor.
I jumped down to pick it up, my reflexes honed as I had to pick small items up so my son didn't try to eat them fairly regularly.
The folded up paper felt a little heavy, until a small bag of white powder fell from it back onto the bare stone floor.
I froze.
“...Nicky... I'm sorry....”
“What are you playing at?” I left the bag of drugs on the floor, almost scared to touch it, but pushed the paper clipping into his hands.
“I don't do it often, just once in a while after a gig... or if I've had a really bad day...”
“Why the hell did you bring it here? I could lose my kids if this was found here. My shop would be shut down. You could have fucked up everything by bringing it here with you.”
He looked guilty as he stood looking into my eyes.
“I told you, I'm sorry... I wasn't thinking...”
“How could you....You know this just proves everything I've been thinking to be completely right. No matter how much we like each other we can never be more than friends. This is your life, your choice, and I can't argue with that, but I can't bring it near my kids....”
“... I know... I guess this means you don't want to see me again.”
“I didn't say that. We just... can't get as close as we nearly did before. I don't want to end up falling for you when there is no way it can ever happen. You're a great friend, but it has to stay that way.”
I felt shattered now I had actually said it. He looked shattered.
We had been completely in denial about it, I guess, but this just drove home the point. Joey was heading down a completely different path to me, and at this point we were right at the fork in the road. I had to go one way, and him the other. OK, so it was by no means through choice, but that was how things were and nothing could change that.
“Look... I should get to this audition.” he said, picking the tiny bag up and slipping it into his back pocket, “I guess I'll see you around.” He brushed past me, looking at the floor, towards the exit.
He was just through the door when I called after him.
“Wait!” He stopped, turned around, but still refused to maintain eye contact with me, “You don't have my address. It would be cool if you could write to me some time.”
He looked at me with a faint smile. “Thanks. And... sor...”
I cut him off. “Don't say it, Joey. Just don't get too caught up in drugs. Know when to stop. If you ever overdose I will never forgive you.” I fumbled around for something to write my address with as he looked at a row of CDs close to the door, “Here. Promise me you'll write, I don't want to lose touch with you.”
“I promise.” He took the paper from me and put it in to the pocket he had slipped the cocaine into minutes before.
He turned to leave again and I shouted after him one last time.
“Good luck for the tour, Mr. Rockstar.”
“Thanks, Nicky.” He left the shop and I was entirely unsure if he had walked out of my life for good. I sighed, turning the sign round to 'open' and shrinking back behind the counter for another day's work. Oh how I wished I could be waking towards some unknown street with him right now. Or back in bed in the cold and dark back room. But life didn't work that way – not mine, in any case.