If You Only Knew

It was all my fault.

My family was falling apart.

I must be the reason why my family was falling apart. My sister and brother had their rugby and ballet practices. The newest family member had to be attached to my mother’s hip at all times. The twins had to be kept on a short leash while in eye sight of my sister, since she was the only one who could keep up with them. My younger sister always clung to my elder brother since all their extra-curriculars revolved around dance. While dad spent all of his time at the office, barely making it home for bed – let alone dinner dishes.

Then there was me.

Outcast.

Loner.

Emo.

Cutter.

Psychopath.

I have heard them all.

I was just the girl who sat in the back of the class. It’s happened time and time again when the teacher calls out my name and the entire class goes ‘Who?’. Its as if I am a ghost.

Spirit.

Spectre.

Apparition.

That’s all I am.

[U&I]

I strayed a few feet behind my siblings, kicking the heels of my biker boots into the cement walk. Ryan and Annalise were talking avidly about their recital at the end of the month. The twins, Will and Hayden, were snickering – no doubt over a prank they pulled. Claire stood behind the two, her nose in a book on the history of Rugby’s greatest teams.

“El, if you not walk faster you is going to get aten by a monster,” The twins yelled in unison. If you did not know of the mischief they caused in town, they would seem like the cutest things ever. That could not be more wrong.

“I’m the eldest – so if a monster were to aten me, I’d make Claire murder it,” I smirked, skipping pass my family and turning to face them. I had to admit – I was pretty good at walking backwards.

We all liked living in a small town. And that’s just what Elnora is – nothing but with a population of just over seven hundred. Claire’s class was the biggest at Elnora Academy with exactly seventy one. The population of nineteen ninety four sure spent a lot of time in their beds. Ryan’s graduating class of twenty thirteen had forty three, while mine had the least – eleven. That pretty much meant that we had classes anywhere from eleven to zero.

I was always alone in my mornings. AP Math then AP French; after that I had a spare which I normally spent reading or if I was really hungry I’d walk into downtown to grab a bite before all the seniors with cars crowed the strip. Then I would walk into the only English class for the seniors. Then I would be heading across campus to art to peer tutor Ryan’s grade ten class, then I’d have my own three person photography class.

Each day would pass by with ease. The younger students would ignore me – but the friends of my siblings would smile or wave.

“I’ll see you guys at lunch,” I waved, turning down the dimly lit, empty hall towards math. I sighed, thankful that I had not run into any other seniors.

“Hey Suicide,” Alex cooed, pulling my brown hair so I stayed in the hallway. “Are you a little horny? Because you seem a little wet.” Alex’s right hand man, Tori, pulled the cap off of her water bottle and let it pour over my head. Alex let go of my hair and pushed me up against the large silver lockers as she continued down the hallway with her pose, giggling and laughing.

The scent that was wafting into my nose was not just plain water or pop. I grabbed a chunk of my hair and sniffed it. Vodka. I groaned, walking into my class just as the first bell rang. I had no time to run home and change or take a quick shower in the change rooms. I sank into the center desk in the front row, resting my head in the palm of my hand. My Math teacher would take at least one day off a week since she was almost always sick – I just hope that today was not the day.

“Where is that smell coming from,” An unfamiliar voice said, scrunching his nose as he walked into the class room. I could see his eyes narrow while he walked to the desk, “Have a fun trip going to the office. Ms. Harris.”

I hung my head, picking up my books and sulked down the hall. This day was starting off absolutely great. Fortunately, the office was only a short trip to the end of the hall. I pushed the door open with my back, the single receptionist immediately picking up the scent.

“Oh El, they got you again, didn’t they?” She asked, beeping a button for the principle on her phone.

I nodded, “The sub didn’t even ask. He just sent me down here.”

“This has got to be a new record,” Mr. Wilcox chuckled, walking out of his office. “I’ll get Alex and Tori in here after this block. Why don’t you go home and change. I hear that the hardware store needs an extra hand.”

“I’ll talk to my boss and see if I can pull an extra shift.” I agreed, “I guess I’ll see you tomorrow then.”

[U&I]

Luckily my Mom had taken Mason to a toddler swimming program at the rec center so I could take a shower and change into my work uniform in solitude. I stood in front of the mirror, staring at my dull but smooth hair. My hair would never corporate with me for work – so I was forced to string it up into a pony tail. I heated up some leftover macaroni for lunch and sat in front of the television, watching reruns of House while I waited for the microwave to beep noon so I would not show up too early to work.

The shopping district was just five minutes down the road in the opposite direction from school, barely a minute if I took either mom’s or dad’s car. I set off down the road, bobbing my head away to the music blaring through my vending machine ear buds. A moving truck, sporting the ever popular U-Haul symbols, raced down the empty road, a line of two vans and three cars following.

I smirked to myself. Whoever wanted to move to Elnora, Indiana must have truly had no life if they actually wanted to move to this suburbia. Elnora was just a town of just over seven hundred – mostly cubical working men like my father, or the occasional priest.

A long line of cars with seniors crammed into the seats whizzed down the road to the food district. I groaned as they sped by. They would honk sporadically as they passed me, usually throwing cans at me – I was fortunate today that nothing was thrown at me. I sighed in relief that most of the other seniors did not know about the road behind the hardware store could cut an extra two and a half minutes off travel time to the food district.

“El, thank god you showed up early,” Grant sighed in relief, “There’s no one in appliances and home décor.” Grant was a high school dropout at the age of fourteen, but in just four years he became the manager of Home Depot. He may not me the smartest twig on the tree – but he was the nicest guy I’ve ever known.

“I’ll be there in a jiff,” I smiled, heading towards the back. After about three hours, the section I was normally assigned to was barren. The last time I had seen the store this dead was three pm on boxing day – I was able to get a good four hour sleep in that day.

“El,” Two high pitched voices yelled, small feet pattering away on the linoleum.

“Had fun at school,” I cooed, catching the running children in my arms. They nodded, hugging my tightly.

“Can El come play now,” Will asked, staring at his feet. Translation: want to come to the paint section so we can open every can and lose my pay check for the rest of the month.

“I have to work – why don’t you two go find Claire,” I said, turning the two around. They groaned, stalking off from where they came.

“Finally, there’s someone who works here,” A masculine voice yelled in relief.

“May I help you?” I asked, turning around swiftly from my place in front of the Pyrex dishes. The two boys looked as if they could be brothers, the one on the right had short brown hair that he styled into a mohawk. His skin was a tan colour that most of the girls had after they faked-and-baked. His black, classic geek style, glasses sat on his nose, and his clothes were perfectly pressed.

“We’re looking for a six slice toaster,” He smiled.

“We just sold our last,” I cringed, “I’d be more than happy to place an order in for you.”

“Are there any other places that sell them?” The other asked, his tone clearly annoyed. His curls fell perfect on his forehead. His skin was paler than his brother’s, but his was dotted with beauty marks. His leather jacket had been shrugged haphazardly onto his shoulders and his white shirt was untucked from his ripped skinny jeans.

“Nick,” His brother growled, jabbing his brother in the ribs.

“Sadly we’re the only store that sells anything like this at all. If you want one sooner then you’ll have to go to the next town over,” I explained, letting my eyes wander of the rather rude boy. He could not have been that much older than I – nineteen at the max.

“We’ll order one,” The other smiled, following me to the appliance counter.

“Is there anything fun to do in this town,” Nick asked boldly, leaning against the counter as I searched through the piles of paperwork for the right form.

“It’s either get a job, go to school or get on the highway to the next town.” I said, wrangling the forms from the bottom of the pile.

His face dropped, “You can’t be serious.”

“Just fill this out completely, then I’ll put your order in,” I smiled, ripping my eyes from Nick.

“I’m Joe by the way,” He smiled, extending his hand.

“El,” I replied, giving his hand a firm shake.

At least one of the two brothers had some humility.