For the Monsters that I've Been.

Later that day, Mikey was in the bedroom again, but that was not to say that he had stayed there the entirety of the time. It was a good feeling to have Frank so complacent in his arms, but after a while, he grew bored of laying still and he grew tired of the constant thinking. Eventually, he’d gotten out of the bed and eventually, he’d found his way to a hardware store via bus routes. He decided to follow through with buying another lockable door knob for the bedroom, letting a key be the only way to enter or exit the room whenever he decided that it was appropriate.

Of course, he could have constantly watched Frank himself, but there were times when he did not want to do so. There were times when the boy’s constant need for a hold of him passed the point of proving his amenability and entered into the realm of being clingy. This was not a bad thing, in Mikey’s opinion, in fact, he encouraged this behavior in Frank, Mikey preferred that Frank felt that he needed him, but that was not to say that he never wanted to escape this. So the younger Way had decided to take a page out of Gerard’s book: to let their bedroom double as a holding cell of sorts for the times that he wanted a bit of distance from Frank, but also wanted to control the boy’s interaction with others.

So he found himself in the late afternoon with a bag from the hardware store and a kit of screwdrivers, staring at the his bedroom door from the hallway in realization that he had absolutely no idea how to change the knobs out.

“Fuck,” he muttered under his breath and he entered the room instead, leaving the door open for once. He discarded his baggage somewhere near a dresser and made his way back to the bed where Frank was still in deep sleep, taking a seat next to the boy who he watched stir slightly at the movement, groan softly, then settle back into sleep.

For now, changing the lock wouldn’t be necessary anyway, he could always lock the door from the inside and Frank would remain in a drugged sleep while Mikey went about his own business, but that would only work while he was in a state of deep sleep and there was always the ‘what if’ lingering in the back of the older boy’s mind. What if Frank woke up and felt the need to come find Mikey. Woke up and unlocked the door. Mikey could just see Gerard slipping into the bedroom, he could just see him advancing on Frank, touching him like he had that night. His brother’s fingers on his boyfriend’s face. The thought was enough to drive Mikey insane, the action would likely shatter the only stability left in the youngest Way’s psyche.

But luck always did seem to find its way to Mikey eventually, and, though he was rather annoyed at the intrusion, a soft ‘m-hem’ from the doorway brought his attention to the exact person who was already quite experienced with what Mikey needed.

“I see you’ve been using the Ambien then,” Gerard noted, a surprisingly conversational tone to his voice.

“He said he was tired,” Mikey stated, somehow feeling the need to justify his action. “He said that he wanted to sleep.”

“Little princess,” Gerard sneered, rolling his eyes. “He’s such a fucking crybaby.”

Mikey’s eyes narrowed in their usual state against his brother and he positioned himself in front of Frank, “Did you want something or are you just going to stand there being a fucking prick all day?”

The older Way rolled his eyes, his arms crossed. “I saw you come in. I was wondering what you were doing with that,” he stated, gesturing to the bag lying on the floor.

“You’re full of shit,” replied Mikey, watching Gerard’s expression become smug as this truth resonated with him. “Why’d you really come up here.”

“Well, that is why,” insisted Gerard. “But I suppose that I wanted to confirm what was in there,” he paused briefly and then chuckled, his eyes flicking momentarily to the abandoned bag on the floor, “but you don’t know how to do it, do you?”

Mikey rolled his eyes, “Seems that way.”

Far from being affronted, Gerard laughed again, leaning against the doorframe. “I think I like you better as an asshole.” With another exasperated look from his brother, Gerard cleared his throat, pushing his own hair back with his hand. Mikey was quite sure that his older brother was unaccustomed to not being taken seriously. The lack of a response to his constant attempts to get a rise out of Mikey seemed to be disgruntling to say the least and it was with significantly less cheek that Gerard spoke next. “I can help, if you wanted,” he offered, his eyebrows raised, “I can put it on for you, if you like. I’ve-”

“Done it before,” finished Mikey, his voice dripping in malice as he was forced to think back to the times of being locked in his room when he was younger. “I’m well aware, but why would you bother?”

Gerard took a few moments to answer. He surveyed Mikey’s face as thoroughly as he could form the distance between the door and the bed, then he shrugged, “Call it repaying you for underestimating you before.”

“Whatever,” Mikey said for what must have been the umpteenth time in the past few days. “I’m not going to say no.”

Gerard searched Mikey’s face for a moment, and then, when he saw that he was not going to get any more of a response, he stepped into the room, picking up the bag that was on the floor and starting on the doorknob while Mikey brought his legs up on the bed, leaning against the headboard and stroked Frank’s hair back. For a few minutes, the room was in silence except for the soft metal clinks coming from the door as Gerard worked, but then the older Way spoke and the younger listened though his eyes stayed focused on Frank’s deep brown hair.

“So, what’s the deal with you two anyway?” Gerard asked, his back still turned as he focused on his work, “He got pretty upset when I said that bit about fucking in the car. I feel like he wouldn’t have gotten that mad if it weren’t true. Matter of fact, I feel like you wouldn’t have gotten that mad if it weren’t true. Why are you bothering with him if you’re not fucking him?”

Mikey supposed that he should have been angry at Gerard for brining this subject up again, but with Frank unable to hear the conversation, it didn’t seem as insulting as before, so he gave legitimacy to the question this time, turning his head toward the door as his hand still absentmindedly caressed the hair of the sleeping boy next to him.

“I haven’t since that night,” Mikey conceded, “I don’t know why. I haven’t felt like it. And I’m not about to do any shit that I don’t feel like.”

“Lost his appeal then?” suggested Gerard.

Mikey thought for a moment, then shook his head. “No. I want him,” he stated. And for some reason that he was completely unsure of, he continued speaking, sharing the thoughts that he’d kept to himself for the last few days with Gerard. “I know that I want him. I like him near me. I like the way he feels. But,” his eyes flicked back to Frank for a moment before he finished, “he hasn’t done anything like that for me. I mean, I still want him, but I think he’s been too scared to try anything. I think he’s scared of me taking it the wrong way.”

Gerard made a sort of grunt of acknowledgment as he finished with the door handle, then shrugged, turning and looking to his younger brother. “That’s why you don’t wait for him to make a move. You wanna stop being the bitch, you call the shots. But whatever, here,” he tossed the keys from the new lock to Mikey, who caught them in his free hand, “try this shit out.”

Mikey pulled his hand from Frank’s hair and slipped off the bed. He crossed the room and closed the door, inserting the key into the lock and turning it. He then moved his hand to the knob which stayed static as he attempted to turn it. “Looks good,” he admitted as he inserted the key into the lock again and opened the door.

“I’ll take that as a ‘thank you,’” Gerard chuckled, then he raised his brow hopefully to his brother. “You wanna go to my room for a cigarette?”

And it was only then that Mikey realized, “I’ve never smoked with you before.” So he pulled the door open further and allowed Gerard to exit first and then followed, but not before he closed the door behind him and turned the key in the outside lock, securing Frank safely inside.



Gerard wrenched his window open, climbed out and ushered for Mikey to do the same. The younger Way complied and sat, as his brother had, feet dangling over the edge of the room. He was handed a cigarette, then leaned toward Gerard, who lit it for him, then took a drag, surveying the streets below.

The two brothers sat in silence for a while, then Mikey spoke, eyes still on the streets. “I still don’t get why you’re being so nice to me.”

“I dunno,” said Gerard, taking a long drag from his cigarette, “guess cause you’re still my brother.”

Mikey took a drag as well, letting his words out with the resulting smoke. “Never stopped you from being a bastard before.”

“Yeah, I guess,” Gerard admitted, “but you’re different now.”

“I guess, but shouldn’t you just be pissed? I fucking stabbed you and you don’t even give a fuck.”

“Yeah,” Gerard chuckled, shrugging his shoulders, “but I’da probably stabbed me too.”

Mikey’s brows raised in the direction of Gerard, “Really?”

“Yeah, some motherfucker touching my things… I’d be pissed. I am pissed. That’s parta the reason that I love seeing you fuck with Frank.”

“M,” Mikey laid back on the shingles, keeping leverage by propping his feet up on the roof, “What’re the other parts?”

“Mostly one other part.” Gerard laid back as well, his head turned toward Mikey.

“Oh?” Mikey’s head turned toward Gerard.

“Yeah,” Gerard was closer than Mikey would have normally allowed, but the younger brother found that he was okay with it. “You’re hot as fuck when you’re in control.”

And then Gerard’s lips came crashing into Mikey’s, but instead of kissing back, Mikey found his hand on his brother’s chest. “No,” he said, pushing Gerard back. But his eyes flicked down to the brim of Gerard’s (always rather tight) pants and he smirked, sure that his almost week of no sexual contact would be ending soon. “Someone’ll see us. Let’s do this inside.”

Gerard grinned and propped himself up, then stood and held a hand out to help the younger Way up. "You're a fucking slut," he chuckled as Mikey took his hand.

And the younger Way shrugged, once to his feet, watching his brother climb back in through the window. "And you're a fucking bitch."

A half an hour later, Mikey lay, rather sweaty, his pants unbuttoned on Gerard’s bed, while he listened to his brother brushing his teeth in the bathroom down the hall. He chuckled, lighting up another cigarette, thinking about how salty Gerard’s mouth must have been for once.