For the Monsters that I've Been.

“Frank, honey, you look terrible,” a soft, maternal sounding voice reached Mikey's ears from the hospital room. It was slightly muffled, but as long as he stayed close to the door, he found that he could hear it alright. “What have you been doing since you moved out?”

“Nothing, mom,” said Frank quietly, “I just-”

“I told you it wasn't a good idea to move in that house with that band. I said that there would be peer pressure and obviously you know what kind of drugs people in bands do! They're talking about overdose, Frank.”

“That's not what hap-”

“I thought I raised you better than that! My son- overdosing. I couldn't believe it when they called-”

“But it wasn't like that, mom. You don't know-”

“And you're lucky I can still claim you under the insurance after you dropped out of Rutgers. Heaven knows you'll never make as much as you would have if you would have just kept going with your studies, you could have had a PhD, but now you're in a hospital, overdosed and you're lucky to be a-”

“Mom!” Mikey was even surprised at the sharp tone in the boy's voice. The only time he'd heard him more agitated was when he'd been confronting Gerard. “I didn't fucking overdose, mom, so stop it. I'm fine okay? I just haven't been feeling good. I thought I could play through the show, but I couldn't. Mikey kept telling me to go sit down, I didn't listen and I fainted. It's not a big deal. They assumed that I ODed cause I guess that's what people do when someone collapses at a show, but I didn't. Whoever called you probably didn't have their story straight.”

“That's not what they told me on the phone,” Frank's mom persisted. “They told me that you-”

“Well, they told you wrong, alright? So stop it. My head is killing me and I can't take this right now. You can go home if you're not going to believe me.”

There was a short silence, then Frank's mother cleared her throat. “They should really really not tell people's mothers things like that without knowing that it's true. You don't know how worried I was.”

“I'm sorry for making you worried,” said Frank hotly, but sighing after, “and I'm sorry for yelling at you, I'm just tired. I just want to go home and they won't let me.”

“Home with that boy?” Frank's mother said, slyly,

“Mom...” Mikey did not have to see Frank's face to know that he was blushing. In fact, Mikey's own face felt slightly warm. He was glad to know that Frank's mother did not know that he was listening.

“Well? I'm guessing that's him. Who else would be here visiting you this early? And it looked like he was sitting on your bed when I got in here.” Frank just groaned, but his mother pushed on, like Mikey supposed normal mothers did. “Oh, come on, Frank. It's not like you haven't told me about him before. It's Mikey, isn't it? He is quite attractive, but what happened to his mouth?”

Mikey's hand subconsciously ran over the lesions on his mouth back in the hallway. He'd nearly forgotten about the punctures around his mouth until now.

“He had an accident,” Frank lied after a slight pause, “guitar string snapped while he was playing, hit him in the face.”

“Mm, that's a shame, he'd be so handsome if it weren't for that...”

“It's not as bad as it used to be,” Frank said, thoughtfully, “actually, it'll probably heal up soon. Even if it didn't, I wouldn't care. It doesn't matter, not to me. I like him any way he looks.

He's just...” Frank sighed again, dreamily, “He's so different from anyone I've ever met. Like, the way he looks at me sometimes... no one's ever looked it me like that. I can't explain it. I love it. I love everything about him. I just want to be near him all the time and whatever he wants me to do is what I want to do. And when he's gone I don't even know what to do. It's almost scary. But a good kind of scary. Like, before I met him, I didn't mean anything, then he came along and he just changed everything and now I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have him. I can't seem to care about anything else, even if I wanted to. I just want to take care of him and make him happy.”

“He's not... possessive... or anything, Frank, is he?” she asked delicately.

“No! No, he's not like that. It's hard to explain... but it's good. He's good to me.”

“And takes care of you?”

“He takes such good care of me,” It was slightly unnerving to hear how sincere Frank was when he spoke, Mikey thought. He could hardly question how genuine the boy was himself, and suddenly, felt quite ashamed for listening at his door. “He's the best thing that's ever happened to me. No one else has ever been as interested in me as he has. No one's ever cared as much about me as he has. I don't know why he cares so much though,” Frank paused again, his voice dispirited as he continued, “I screw up a lot. I always have. You know how I am...”

“Oh, Frankie, don't get like this again,” his mother sighed. Mikey was under the impression that she was trying to shunt the conversation away from a place where Frank's attention often dwelled, but she tried to ignore. Nevertheless, it was with a forced sort of chuckle in her voice that she broke what seemed to have been a moody silence on Frank's part, “I haven't heard you this excited about anyone in years in any case. I suppose he's the reason why you haven't been calling me for so long? And when were you planning on introducing him to me?”

“Mom,” Frank's voice was very clearly still downcast, but now it sounded guilty as well, “you know I've been busy. I've got the band and I work a lot...”

“Oh, you know I'm only teasing,” she said. “But I really would like you to bring him over for dinner. I want to get to know the boy who my son spends all of his time with.”

“I'll-I'll try to,” Frank said, but this time, Mikey could hear uncertainty in his voice. He was almost sure, for a second, that the boy was close to saying, 'I'll ask Mikey' but had thought better of it- something that they were surely both thankful of.

“Well, you're going to have to do better than try. Call me once you're feeling better and we'll set something up, alright?”

“O-okay,” said Frank, stifling a yawn with the word, “I will, I will.”

“I'll hold you to that,” there was a slight pause, then Mikey could hear another yawn from Frank, “Do you want me to leave so you can go back to sleep?”

“No, mom, you don't have to, I'm sorry, I'm just-”

“Honey, it's fine, you need to rest up. I'm just glad you're okay. Make sure to call me soon, alright, Frank?”

Mikey knew this conversation to be over, which meant that Frank's mother would surely be leaving Frank's hospital room soon and lurking by the door would look suspicious. Instead, Mikey sat himself in a metal-framed chair facing away from the door, which clicked open moments later. He was so contented with trying to look as unconcerned as possible with the room, however, that it was several seconds before Mikey noticed Frank's mother standing in front of him.

“Mikey, is it?”

“Oh... yes... sorry....” he stammered, clearing his throat and stood, “You must be Frank's mom.”

He held a hand out to her, and she took it, but Mikey had the distinct impression that this had been overly formal of him and that she had just done so to be polite. He felt his cheeks tinge slightly in result of this.

“Sorry,” he said, taking his hand back after a few seconds. “I'm a bit out of it. I've been up all night, you know, waiting.”

“You boys,” there was an ominous smile on her face. She was clearly under the impression that Mikey had not overheard her conversation with her son. But she shook her head, sighing, “You both need to get some sleep. But Frank asked me to send you in, first.”

“He did?”

“You're too cute,” it was only because she was Frank's mother that Mikey tried to smile back instead of scowl as she patted his arm and chuckled, “I'll have to have Frank bring you over sometime. I'll cook for you. I've never seen someone so thin.”

“Oh,” Mikey blushed slightly, then said, “of course I'll come over,” not sure if he was lying or not.

“I'll let you get to seeing him though,” she continued. “It looks like I cut your time short.”

“Oh, no, not at all,” he replied, because he felt that it was the sort of thing that people said in this situation.

“Well, either way, it was nice to get to meet you even if the circumstances aren't what I would've preferred.”

And on prompt, Mikey finished, “It was nice meeting you, too.”

And then with a smile and a wave, Frank's mother was set off down the hallway and Mikey, after watching her go for a few moments, was free to go back into the hospital room, where Frank sat, rather bored looking, but in what seemed to be a considerably better mood than before.

“Hey,” Mikey leaned down, kissing the boy on his forehead as he smoothed his hair back, “you look like you're doing better.”

Frank nodded, but leaned into the older boy's side. He closed his eyes, enjoying Mikey's hand on him. “I'm still tired, but I'm okay. I'm glad I got to see my mom. She just kind of bitched the whole time, but what else is she going to do when I'm in the hospital? It was still nice seeing her. I didn't realize how much I missed her.”

“She seems nice,” Mikey remarked.

Frank chuckled, looking up to Mikey, “She said you were 'quite attractive'.”

“Shit,” Mikey laughed as well, too glad of Frank's well-being to be serious for once, “looks like you have some competition.”

“From my own mom? That's weak, man.”

“Yeah,” Mikey rolled his eyes, wrapping his arm around Frank as he sat next to the boy, “bitches love me. What can I say?”

“I'm gonna look past the fact that you just referred to my mom as a bitch,” Frank laughed. “You know why?”

“Why's that?” Mikey replied.

“'Cause I love you, too.”

Frank pressed his lips to Mikey's, his hand sliding up to his neck as the latter kissed back. Their lips parted and Mikey pressed the boy back into his pillow.

It was Frank who pulled back after a few moments, and though he would have liked to continue, Mikey let him because something in the back of his mind told him it was only fair, at least for the time being.

“When're you gonna take me home?” he asked softly, “I hate hospitals,” he tried to move his arm, then winced slightly, “and I hate this IV.”

“As soon as I can,” said Mikey, “promise.”

“Alright,” Frank sighed and let out an agitated breath. He straightened up a bit, taking caution to his IVed arm, then cast around hopefully, “My mom wants me to bring you over sometime...”

“I know, we were talking in the hallway-”

“Do you think we can go see her?”

Mikey felt the boy's head leaning on his shoulder, so he moved an arm around his waist accordingly to kill a bit of time before answering. “We'll see, baby.”

“Okay,” Frank nodded, sniffing. He let his weight fall more onto Mikey. “Do you ever see your mom?”

Mikey shook his head. “No,” he said simply. “I miss her a lot though.”

“She isn't...”

“No,” Mikey said quickly, “she's alive. I just...” He sighed, blinking back the moisture that was creeping into his eyes, “I just don't get to see her a lot. Gerard didn't like me talking to her too much, you know, in case she found something out. I don't think I really talked to her since I moved... maybe even before that.”

“Maybe we can go see her sometime...”

“Maybe...” replied Mikey, though it was only to humor the boy.

There was another brief pause, then Frank asked: “What was she like?”

“I don't... I mean... I'm not sure if I remember...” Mikey strained his memory to think. “She was a good mom, though. She loved me a lot, I know that. We spent a lot of time together when I was really little.” He chuckled then continued, “I remember this one time... I must have been about eight or nine... I was home sick from school and we were sitting on the couch and she let me turn on that one really crappy Back to the Future sequel where they're in the Old West and she was crocheting this blanket.

“I kept asking her how to teach me because it looked like fun, but every time she tried to show me how, I got bored and started watching the movie instead. Eventually she gave up trying to teach me all together. She wasn't mad or anything, she thought it was funny.

“I remember she didn't really like the movie all that much, she just let me watch it instead of her soap opera because I was sick and...”

Mikey looked over and was surprised to see Frank's eyes closed, his breath steady and slow; sleeping. In another atmosphere, he might have been annoyed that the boy had fallen asleep while he was talking, he thought to himself, but Frank was so peaceful and he was glad to see him getting rest, so he simply shifted his shoulder and laid the boy down on his pillows, pulling his blanket up to cover him. He then slid off of the bed slowly, disturbing the mattress as least as he could and made his way quietly out of the room to the nurse's station as to make good on his promise to take Frank home as soon possible.