Breaking Their Hold

My school life was once again the way I'd known it before I met them.

I was loved by my friends, envied and hated by the losers, adored by my teachers and coaches. Tyler didn't flirt anymore. We'd been through too much for that to continue, and I was very grateful.

But late at night, I would lay awake in bed, mourning what I'd lost. My tears were for Brian, Matt, Jimmy, Johnny, and JB Diz. My rage and hatred were for Zacky.

Seeing them everyday was almost unbearable. I was convinced the pain would never go away, at least not until we graduated and I never had to see them again.

I was looking forward to Spring Break more than I ever had before. It was going to be a welcome relief from the hell my life had become. Tori, Jaimi, Sam, Tyler, and Evan would be out of town. I would have nine days of not having to see the new guys. I didn't have any plans and I didn't intend to make any.

So when my cell buzzed with a text the Friday before Spring Break officially started, I was not expecting to read: "How do you feel about spending Spring Break in California?"

It was from Matt.

Frowning, I sent back, "I don't know. Are you guys planning to have me 'disappear' while I'm out there?"

"Ha ha," he replied. "Look, I don't give a fuck what you do. But if you do decide to come, there will be a ticket waiting at the airport tomorrow morning for a flight to L.A. at 10 a.m. Message me and I'll pick you up."

A smile spread across my lips. Even though I knew things had altered irreversibly between myself and the new guys, I couldn't help being excited at the prospect of Spring Break in California with them. I dove across the room, wrenched open my closet, and dug out my suitcase.

*****

"Jordan!"

I looked up and spotted Matt among the people hurrying to and fro in the airport. I made my way through the crowd to where he stood. For a long time, neither of us spoke.

"Matt, why--" I started.

"The guys are all at Brian's," he interrupted. He set off towards the airport's exits.

I hesitated. If this was how they were going to treat me, was it worth staying? Then, my mind wandered to thoughts of Brian. How could I give up a chance to see him? I knew he was still pissed, but I didn't much care. I just wanted to be near him. And maybe, just maybe, I could make him understand why I'd chosen my old friends and get him to forgive me.

I pushed through the crowd and burst out into the balmy morning air. Matt was waiting next to a gleaming red Mustang GT. He saw me and got in the car. I raised my eyebrows, admiring the obviously brand-new Mustang. The engine roared to life and people turned to look. I almost laughed. Matt always had to be the center of attention, even when he was irritated.

I approached the car, threw my bags in the back, and collapsed in the passenger seat. Matt didn't wait for me to buckle up before peeling out into traffic.

"Matt!" I said loudly, trying to be heard over Snoop Dogg's "What's My Name?"

Matt didn't respond. His face was expressionless, eyes hidden behind Aviator sunglasses. I reached over and lowered the volume of the music. "Why am I here?" I demanded.

"Because it beats staying in Bumfuck, Alabama, for Spring Break?" he said.

"You know what I mean, Matt. You don't even like me anymore and yet, you paid for my flight and you're letting me stay with you. I want to know why."

Matt stayed silent until I was sure he wasn't going to answer. When he spoke, his voice made me jump: "We missed you," he admitted. "Johnny, Jimmy, and I."

I felt something close to pain at the exclusion of Brian from that list.

"They don't know you're here, though," Matt added. "I wanted to surprise them." He glanced at me and seemed to know exactly what I was thinking. "Listen, Bri is having a hard time right now. It's not that he doesn't miss you; he just has more pressing matters to deal with."

"He doesn't miss me," I stated. "I hurt him."

"Yeah, you did," Matt agreed. "You hurt all of us. But you were closest with Brian, so it may take him longer to forgive you. Just give it time."

I nodded. "And Jimmy and Johnny...they've forgiven me?"

"I think so."

I couldn't look at him as I asked, "Have you?"

"Would you be here if I hadn't?"

"I guess not."

"Apparently, I have a soft spot for the real you that overpowers my dislike of your bitchy facade."

I didn't say anything.

"Jordan."

I raised my eyes to his face.

"I'm really glad you came."

I smiled--my first real smile since I'd made that fateful choice. "Me, too."

*****

Matt directed the Mustang into the driveway of a split-level house, parking behind a dark purple Mitsubishi Eclipse.

"Gee, what spoiled little rich kids," I drawled sarcastically.

Matt barely suppressed a grin. "Yeah. Bri is definitely one of those."

I arched an eyebrow. "And you're not, Mr. Mustang?"

"Hey. I worked hard for this car."

"Doing what?"

Matt just grinned and climbed out of the car. I followed him to the front door. He knocked. My palms were suddenly drenched in icy sweat and my heart was pounding.

Johnny opened the door. "Hey, Ma--" he broke off as his eyes landed on me. There was a split second of awkwardness on my part, then Johnny attacked me. "You bitch!" He flung his arms around me, hugging me so enthusiastically that he lifted me off the ground. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"Trying to give you losers a little bit of class," I joked.

"Same attitude, I see," he commented, smiling. He set me down and led the way inside.

Jimmy's eyes widened when he saw me. Without a word, he launched himself off the sofa, tackling me to the floor.

"Jimmy!" I squealed, laughing.

"It's the Bama Bitch!" JB crowed, and added himself on top of Jimmy.

"For fuck's sake, guys, don't kill her!" Matt exclaimed.

"I missed you," Jimmy said seriously, standing up and offering me a hand. I took his hand and he pulled me to my feet.

"I missed you, too," I replied.

He hugged me. "Ever been to Cali before?"

I shook my head.

"Oh, my God!" he gasped in mock horror. "You don't know what you've been missing!"

"Well, I intend to find out. Bring it on!"

We all looked up as Brian and Zacky entered the room. Matt, Johnny, Jimmy, and JB seemed to stop breathing. Brian and Zacky froze, both staring at me. Zacky's gaze was slightly thoughtful; Brian's was cold.

"What the fuck is she doing here?" he asked. The anger in his tone burned along my skin.

I glanced around, but no one would look at me. Eyes stinging with unshed tears, I spun around and headed for the door.

"Jordan, wait!" Matt caught up to me. He took me by the hand and tugged me outside. "Give him time."

I sighed. I was not a patient person.

"Hey!" Jimmy came barreling down the driveway. "Where are you guys going?"

"We're gonna head back to my place," Matt answered. "Let her get settled in."

"Okay. We're going to the bar tonight," Jimmy announced. "Once she's settled, you guys should come."

"We will, man," Matt promised.

Jimmy gave me another hug and kissed me on the forehead. "See ya later."

Matt and I climbed into the Mustang and backed out of Brian's driveway. In less than ten minutes, we were at Matt's. We walked inside. It was only a one-story, but the rooms were large and spacious, with pastel-colored walls and hardwood floors.

"Want something to drink?" Matt questioned, disappearing through an archway.

"Sure," I said, trailing after him. The archway opened onto a kitchen/dining room.

Matt opened the refrigerator. "We have Coke, Sprite, and Dr. Pepper."

"Coke."

He gave me a Coke and cracked open a Dr. Pepper for himself. "So, do your parents know you're in California?"

"Yeah. But they think I'm here with Tori and Jaimi."

"Now, I've heard of cheerleaders lying to their parents for all sorts of reasons, but never to fly all the way across the country and hang out with a bunch of 'freaks,'" he commented. He gave me an approving look.

My cheeks warmed. "I never was the typical cheerleader."

"Right," he scoffed.

"I wasn't," I insisted. "Think about it. My family isn't wealthy. The stores they consider the typical are once a month stops for me. I'm paying for my own car, for fuck's sake. Does that sound like any cheerleader you know?" I shook my head. "I only became a cheerleader to make Tyler like me."

"Why didn't you ever date him?" Matt queried curiously. "I know he likes you."

"I did date him."

"No, you didn't. You tolerated him putting a label on your relationship."

I shrugged. "I guess because I realized that he's a total waste of air and space. Besides, he doesn't like ME. He likes the idea of having the perfect girlfriend, of presenting this image of the perfect couple. He wants the stereotype: high school quarterback with the head cheerleader."

"And you don't want that."

"I wanted him," I said. "I thought I was willing to do anything." I met Matt's eyes. "I don't want to have to be perfect."

"Do you think that's why you like Brian?" Matt asked. "You're tired of acting like something you're not. Brian is who he is and he's not perfect. He doesn't even think he's perfect, so you figure he'll accept you and your flaws."

I shrugged again. "Maybe. I like the way Bri isn't scared. He does what he wants, when he wants, and fuck everyone who doesn't like it. I've spent too long doing what everyone else wants me to do, never what I want to do."

Matt considered that for a second. "Let's make a deal. While you're here, you do whatever the hell you please and don't worry about anyone else, okay?"

I nodded. "Okay."

"I'm serious," he said. "For the next five days, do whatever you want. If anyone tells you to stop, even if it's me, tell them to fuck off."

I giggled. "Alright. I can do that."

He studied my face. "You've never opened up like that before." He made it a statement rather than a question.

"Who am I supposed to talk to? Tyler? Tori? Jaimi?" I snorted. "Right. They'd really understand."

"I knew you weren't like them."

"No, you didn't," I disputed. "You thought I was just like them."

"Until the Halloween party." Matt smiled. "Anyway, do you want the first shower?"

I followed him out of the kitchen and down a long hallway. We stopped at the last door on the right. He gave me a teasing smirk. "And this is my room." He pushed open the door. I breezed into the room. It was a complete contrast to the rest of the house. The walls were painted black and covered in posters of rock bands. He had carpeting instead of hardwood floors. The carpet was crimson red and my feet sank into the thick, plushy material.

"Very nice," I said.

"Why, thank you," he replied. "The bathroom is through there--" He indicated a door on the far side of the room. "I'll bring in your clothes."

"Matt," I said.

He paused in the doorway and looked back at me.

"Thank you," I murmured.

Smiling, he left. I went into the bathroom, which was also colored in dark shades, and switched on the shower.