Breaking Their Hold

Matt twined his fingers with mine, swinging our hands as we strolled across the parking lot of Johnny's Bar.

"Do I really look okay?" I asked, glancing down at my outfit.

"For the zillionth time, you look amazing. I barely recognize you."

"Excuse me?" I feigned anger. "Are you trying to say I don't normally look amazing?"

Matt rolled his eyes. "You are such a prep!"

"Am not!"

"You always look amazing," he said seriously. "But you know I prefer this look to your other one. And black really works for you."

I had dressed the way Matt and his friends dress. I was wearing a black silk camisole, a black miniskirt, and chunky black knee-high boots. My makeup consisted of black eyeliner and blood red lipstick.

"The guys won't think I'm a poser, will they?" I worried.

Matt stopped walking and faced me. "Did you want to wear that outfit?"

I nodded.

"Then fuck them," he said. "Who cares what they think, as long as you're happy." He again started for the entrance to the bar. "He probably won't show, though."

I frowned. "What? Who?"

"Brian," Matt clarified. "That's who you dressed for. That's whose opinion you really care about."

I opened my mouth to argue, but he reached the door and stepped inside before I could come up with anything even remotely convincing.

He was right, of course. I had dressed with Brian in mind. Maybe if Brian saw a change in appearance, he would realize how much I regretted my decision.

I hurried after Matt. We walked through the dimly lit bar, to the darkest, most secluded corner.

"Jordan?" Jimmy gaped at me. Johnny peeked around him and gave me a long once-over.

I shifted nervously. "What do y'all think?"

"Will you marry me?" Johnny joked.

"Fuck you, man!" Jimmy said. "I saw her first!"

I laughed, relaxing.

"Actually," Matt chimed in, putting an arm around my shoulders. "I saw her first. And she's been on my bed and in my shower."

"On your bed?" Johnny echoed. "What the hell for?"

"Johnny, seriously," Jimmy said. "You're seventeen, and you don't know the real reason beds are made?"

Johnny flipped him off.

"Let's just say she wasn't sleeping," Matt said suggestively.

I swatted at him. "I sat on the edge of his bed to put my boots on."

"Aww, look," came the mocking voice that always set my nerves on edge. "Jordan went shopping and bought a new outfit for us."

I glanced over my shoulder to see Zacky standing a few feet away, raking his eyes the length of my body and wearing a slightly amused smirk. I narrowed my eyes. "For your information, I've had this outfit since I was a junior."

Zacky's eyes flicked up to meet mine, and I could see a hint of surprise there. Jimmy and Johnny both glanced at Matt, something on their faces that I couldn't read.

"What?" I said.

"I think we were very wrong about you," Matt stated. "More wrong than even I realized."

"I told you, Matt. I always knew I didn't belong with Tyler and his friends. I was never one of the 'chosen few.'" I didn't bother to hide the pain in my voice. Strangely enough, I trusted Matt, Johnny, and Jimmy more than I'd ever trusted those I'd called my friends for the last three-and-a-half years.

"No, you weren't," Matt said. "You're better than them."

"Yeah," Johnny agreed. "Who wants to be one of them?"

I shook my head. "You don't understand. I don't give a fuck about not being one of them. I just hate that I sacrificed everything in order to convince an entire school that I was one of them. I could've had real friends and actually been happy. God, I was so stupid! I gave up everything for a guy."

"You have real friends now," Matt commented. "Just ditch those losers that never really cared about you, and you can be happy."

"And don't even lie and say we don't make you happy," Jimmy added. "Because we know we do."

I smiled. "Yeah, y'all do."

"Then you know what you've gotta do," Johnny said.

I stared at them. They were giving me a second chance—a second chance to make the right decision. But my reasons for the choice I'd made the first time were still here. They weren 't going away. And so I wondered again: Can I do it? Can I endure two months of scorn from those I once called friends?

"Jordan?" Matt's hazel eyes were filled with concern.

"I need some air," I muttered, and hurried out of the bar, brushing past Zacky on my way. Once outside, I perched on the hood of Matt's car.

The situation wasn't really that complicated. It all came down to one question: what did I want? I sighed. The answer was easy. I wanted to spend every waking second with Matt, Johnny, Jimmy, and Brian. I didn't want to be expected to act and think a certain way. I wanted to surround myself with people who would accept whatever I did, and I knew that the new guys were those people.

"Hey."

I jumped at the sound of a voice right next to me. I had been so wrapped up in my own thoughts that I hadn't noticed Zacky approaching the car.

I glared. "What do you want?"

He held up his hands in a gesture of surrender. "Whoa. Down, girl. I brought you a peace offering." He stuck his hand into the pocket of his hoodie and produced a bottle of Jack Daniel's.

"I don't drink."

"Right. I don't, either." Zacky climbed onto the hood beside me, uncapped the bottle, and took a swig.

"What are you doing, Zacky?"

"I'm proving a point."

"What point?"

"When someone different steps onto your turf, you don't have to treat them like shit."

I looked at him. "Zacky, I didn't treat anyone like shit. I never said anything one way or the other. You're the one who started being a total dick because I wasn't like you. Oh, and because you were sexually frustrated."

Zacky laughed softly. "I guess you're right. But it was only because your friends were assholes. And because it's hard to think rationally when you're walking around with a constant boner and you know the girl you want to fuck would never look twice at you."

"I think I've officially started drinking." I snatched the bottle from him and downed a mouthful. It burned down my throat, and I wrinkled my nose.

"What? Talking about sex makes you uncomfortable?" Zacky took the bottle back.

"No. But talking about your dick specifically just about does it."

"I figured you'd think it was a compliment."

"A guy telling me he wants to fuck me?" I snorted. "That's not a compliment. Guys will hit just about anything that's willing."

Zacky shook his head. "Not that I want to fuck you. The fact that you can make my dick hard without even doing anything."

I simply stared at him.

And then his lips were on mine.

"Zacky!" I pushed him away. "What the hell?"

"Sorry…" He offered me the bottle of Jack again.

I accepted it, studying his face. He was really quite attractive, though not nearly as eye-pleasing as Brian. But I'd already killed any chance I had with Brian…

Zacky kissed me again. I wrapped my arms around his neck, deepening the kiss. His arms encircled my waist, holding me against his body. I let my tongue explore, tasting the whiskey on his lips and the metallic tang of his snakebites.

A cough behind us caused us to jump apart. Only Zacky's arms kept me from sliding off Matt's car.

"Excuse us for interrupting," Jimmy drawled sarcastically.

Matt was frowning.

"You two sure know how to kill the mood," Zacky muttered. He faced me. "Wanna get out of here?"

I nodded. At that moment, I knew exactly what I wanted. There was no doubt in my mind that I wanted to go somewhere with Zacky and get back to what we were doing.

Zacky and I both hopped off the car.

"Jordan," Matt said.

I turned to him. "Yeah?"

"Maybe you shouldn't…" he trailed off, glancing meaningfully at Zacky.

"But I want to," I replied. "So fuck off."

He lifted his hands in a gesture of surrender, his eyes flicking to something past Zacky and me. My brow furrowed and I followed his gaze. Brian was getting out of his Eclipse, his attention on all of us near Matt's Mustang. His dark eyes met mine briefly before he slammed his car door and strode into the bar.

Matt was watching me, expression carefully neutral. I kept my face blank, not wanting Matt, Zacky, and Jimmy to know just how much I really wanted Brian.

"Don't wait up for me," I said slyly, and allowed Zacky to lead me to his car.

*****

I don't know how we made it to his house without having to pull over. The interior of the car was dark, some sexy voice growled softly from the stereo, and Zacky's hand was warm on my bare thigh, his thumb tracing circles on my skin. Maybe that's why I didn't attack him. He was teasing, torturing, his fingers inching closer and closer to the place that was begging for them, but it was the sweetest torture of all, one I could endure all fucking day.

Zacky's eyes never left the road, but he wore a smirk that let me know he knew exactly how he was affecting me. Stubborn until the very end, I refused to give him the pleasure of hearing how much I loved his hands on me. My hands were fisted so tight that my nails were cutting into my palms, and my teeth were gritted to keep in any sounds.

However, I couldn't stop the gasp when he finally made contact. Just the faintest brush against the fabric of my panties, but I felt it. My eyes closed as a warm rush of pleasure spread through me, making me giddy.

Then his fingers were gone again; his hand was removed from my thigh. I opened my eyes to find him climbing from the car. We were in the paved driveway of a house very similar to Matt's.

I slowly got out. The cool night air did nothing to lessen the fire burning my body. Zacky was already pushing open the front door. He looked back at me, face in shadows. All I could see was the sparkle of those emerald eyes and the faint gleam of moonlight on his snakebites.

He vanished inside, and I walked after him, legs a little unsteady. I stepped into the front hallway. A lamp on the table near the door had been left on. It illuminated my immediate surroundings, but the hall continued on into darkness. I hesitantly crept forward, unsure where to go and trying to keep my boots from making too much noise on the hardwood floors.

"Zacky!" I whispered, stopping at the very edge of the circle of light.

"What?" His voice was closer than I'd expected, and suddenly his hands were on me, pulling me into the darkness. Sliding his arms around my waist, he kissed me deeply. I moaned into his mouth. He drew back and smiled down at me. "Think you can make it up the stairs?"

"What about your parents?"

"I guess we'll have to be really quiet, won't we?" He flashed a wicked grin and started up the steps.

I quickly slipped off my boots and followed him, padding softly in my socks. I reached the second floor, where he was waiting. He took my hand and led me to his room. Shutting the door without a sound, he faced me. "I used to fantasize about this during class," he murmured, burying his face in my neck.

He ran his tongue up my neck, one hand firmly on the small of my back, pressing our bodies together. When his teeth grazed my skin, I arched against him. His free hand was suddenly up my skirt.

"I swear to God, Zacky, if you don't stop teasing…"

He chuckled, a soft and mildly menacing sound. "If that's what you really want." He pushed me back on his bed and slipped off my panties. I tossed my head back as he leaned down, tongue caressing my clit. He slid one finger inside me, then experimentally added a second. I couldn't keep in a whimper of pleasure.

He moved his fingers, and as they hit the spot that almost made me crazy, I thought of Brian. Almost too late, I realized that Brian was the name on my lips, and I swallowed the cry that was clawing its way up my throat.

"Stop." I sat up.

Zacky looked up. "What?"

"Stop," I repeated, grabbing his wrist to prevent the next shift of his fingers. "I can't do this."

Zacky studied me for several seconds, during which I felt like crying, then nodded. "Okay."

"Okay?" I echoed. "Just like that?"

"Uh, yeah." Zacky gave me a funny look. "I'm not gonna force you to do something you don't want to do. I'm not Tyler."

I flinched at his offended tone. "I'm sorry, Zack. I just…"

"You don't have to explain." He turned away from me.

"Yes, I do." I waited until he looked at me again. "You're one of the hottest guys I've ever laid eyes on. But I can't sleep with someone I don't really know."

"Especially not when you're thinking of his best friend," Zacky added.

I blushed.

"Yeah, I figured." Zacky sighed. "C'mon. I'll take you back to Matt's."

"Zacky…" I stopped him with a hand on his arm. "Even if Brian wasn't a factor, I couldn't do this. I don't know anything about you. We've spent so much time fighting—"

"Guess I dug my own grave, didn't I?" he interrupted, shrugging off my touch. "Look, just let me take you home, okay?"

I nodded, understanding that being near me now that I'd said no was torturing him, and not in a good way.

I put my panties and my boots back on and we went out to Zacky's car. The drive to Matt's was silent. I was embarrassed and feeling guilty about the way I'd behaved. It was a relief when we turned into Matt's driveway. I was out of the car before Zacky had even come to a complete stop. I practically ran to the front door and found that Matt had left it unlocked for me.

I tiptoed to the guest room and changed into my pajamas. I went into the bathroom and brushed my teeth, trying to rid my mouth of the taste of Jack Daniels and Zacky.

Once I was under the covers, my mind raced. Everyone was going to think I'd slept with Zacky. Why had I left with him? We'd only just had our first civil conversation, and five minutes later, I let him kiss me and seriously considered giving it up to him. What the hell was wrong with me?

Finally, realizing I wasn't going to be able to sleep, I kicked back the blankets and got up. Without really thinking about it, I automatically went to Matt's room. I cracked open the door and stuck my head inside. "Matt?" I hissed.

Nothing.

"Matt?" I said, keeping my voice barely above a whisper.

"Hmm?" he grumbled sleepily.

"Can I come in?"

He grunted something that sounded like "yes." I stepped in and closed the door softly behind me. He raised the blankets, inviting me to crawl into the space beside him. I crossed the room and slipped gratefully beneath the covers.

"Matt?" I said after a few seconds of silence.

"What?"

"I didn't sleep with Zacky."

"Good. Now go to sleep."

He wrapped an arm loosely around my waist, and I snuggled against him with my back to him. It was only a matter of seconds before I drifted off to sleep.