Breaking Their Hold

Bright sunlight was assaulting my eyelids. Making a soft sound of protest, I rolled over and buried my face into…something. I could hear a rhythmic pulsing and feel just the slightest amount of movement.

What the hell?

I opened my eyes to find myself face-to-chest with Matt. He was bare-chested, and it definitely wasn't a bad way to wake up.

"See something you like, sweetheart?" he asked, and my eyes flew to his face. I hadn't even known he was awake. He wore a small, amused smile. Blushing, I quickly inched away from him.

"You can keep looking," he said teasingly. "But then I get to stare at your chest for free, too."

I rolled my eyes and climbed out of bed.

"What?" He widened his eyes innocently.

"You are such a…guy." I let my tone put all the negativity needed in that statement.

"Well, yeah." He gave me a little smirk. "Wanna see just how much of a man I am?"

"Matt!"

He laughed. "Sorry. I had to."

"Whatever. I'm taking a—" I broke off as the door burst open and someone came barreling into the room. Before I could even react, the person slammed into me, tackling me onto Matt's bed. I was suddenly looking up into Jimmy's grinning face.

"Good morning, sunshine!" he said cheerfully.

"Get off!" I shoved him hard and he fell to the floor with a loud thunk!

Zacky and Johnny appeared in the doorway.

"What the hell are you guys doing here so early?" Matt queried.

"Dude, don't you own a clock?" Zacky responded. "It's fucking two in the afternoon."

"Damn! Really?" Matt threw back the blankets, giving everyone a view of him in his boxers.

"Oh, God." I jumped off the bed again and ducked behind Johnny. "I think I'm scarred."

"You know you like it," Matt shot back.

"Uh, no."

"ANYWAYS," Johnny cut in loudly. "We're here because the mad scientist--"

"That would be me," Jimmy chimed in proudly, pointing at himself.

"--decided we needed to take Jordan out and let her truly experience all that is Huntington Beach, California," Johnny finished.

"Good plan," Matt said.

Jimmy mocked exasperation. "Of course it's a good plan. Hello? I came up with it."

"So let's go!" Johnny urged.

"Not until I get a shower!" I refused.

Matt stood up and stretched. "C'mon, doll. We'll cut down on time by taking one together."

"In your wet dreams," I muttered.

"You felt that?"

I gave him a disgusted look, and he burst out laughing. "Kidding! Go take your shower, bitch." He pulled on a pair of jeans and followed his friends out of the bedroom.

I showered quickly, then slipped down the hallway to the guest room for some clothes. I put on a white tanktop that said "Rock Star" and a denim miniskirt. I stepped into a pair of flip-flops and secured my hair in a sloppy bun.

When I reached the kitchen, Jimmy and Johnny were fighting over the last bagel.

"I'm taller!" Jimmy said. "I deserve it."

"I'm younger!" Johnny argued. "I'm a growing boy. I need it!"

"And I'm sexier," I interjected, snatching the bagel out of their hands. "I promise, you'll enjoy watching me eat it more than eating it yourselves."

They stared at me for several seconds, then Jimmy made an encouraging gesture. "You speak the truth." He sat at the table. "Please, continue."

*****

I was dragged everywhere that was anywhere in Huntington Beach. Well, everywhere that meant something to the four boys accompanying me. We even managed a quick stop in Johnny's Bar in the evening, where the guys sometimes drank despite being underage.

Matt and Jimmy decided they wanted to hang out on the beach that night.

"There's supposed to be a meteor shower," Matt told me. "You haven't seen anything until you've seen a meteor shower over the ocean."

"Can you see meteor showers here?" I wondered aloud. "I thought there was too much shit in the air."

Matt frowned. "Yeah, you can still see showers here. Barely, though. It won't be long before you can't."

"Guess I'd better catch it while I can then, huh?"

"Yep."

We reached Matt's house, where the guys were going to get some food and beer to take to the beach. Jimmy left Brian a voicemail, telling him where we'd be.

We walked to the beach, considering it was practically in Matt's backyard. Johnny had been thoughtful enough to grab two blankets. We spread them out side by side and everyone sprawled about to wait for the sun to finish sinking below the horizon and the meteor shower to begin.

"Wanna take a walk?" Zacky asked me softly while the other guys were laughing loudly about something.

I lifted a shoulder. "I guess."

Zacky stood up and offered me a hand. I let him pull me to my feet and we set off towards the pier. My stomach was slowly tying itself in knots. My face still burned with embarrassment and shame at the thought of last night.

"I'm not mad," Zacky said, breaking the silence.

I made a disbelieving sound.

"I'm not," Zacky insisted. "It's not a big deal. I'm not going to hold a grudge because you changed your mind."

I gave him a small smile.

"But."

I waited.

"Don't insult my intelligence by telling me that it's because you don't know me well enough," he said. "That does piss me off."

I opened my mouth to protest.

"No," he cut in, silencing me. "Nothing was stopping you until you thought of him. You would've let me do everything I wanted to you if he hadn't popped into your mind. You felt guilty because you're trying to make him like you and sleeping with his best friend is a definite no-no."

I looked away.

"Just admit it," he said quietly.

"You already know."

"I want to hear you say it."

I glared for a full three seconds before mumbling grudgingly, "I would've slept with you if I didn't want Brian."

"Good girl."

"Fuck you."

Zacky shot me a sidelong glance, but chose not to comment. "You know, Brian likes you, too. You just have to stop doing stupid shit that makes him think you haven't changed."

"Everything I've done recently is to show him I have changed."

"You haven't done the one thing that would truly prove we've broken your old friends' hold on you."

"And what would that be?"

Zacky made an exasperated sound. "For such a smart girl, you sure are fucking stupid sometimes."

I swatted at him. "Seriously, Zack."

Zacky stopped walking and faced me. His green eyes were more serious and more sincere than I'd ever seen them. "You have to apologize."

"I—"

"Not to all of us. To him. He was closer to you than any of us. You have to let him know how sorry you really are or you've lost him and any chance you had with him."

*****

We stayed out until nearly 5 a.m. The meteor shower was spectacular. I had never witnessed anything so beautiful in my life. They streaked towards earth in a blaze of glory, ending their descent by plunging into an ocean that sparkled like diamonds spilled on ink. The only thing that took away from the perfection of those moments spent gazing up at the sky was the absence of Brian. I found my hand clutching Matt's, tears in my eyes.

I headed straight to the guest room when we returned to Matt's house. I couldn't explain exactly what had depressed me out there, and I sure as hell didn't want to try. Not to them.

I lay in the room, which was lit with the soft rosy glow of the coming morning. I was only alone for ten minutes before the door opened a crack and Jimmy stuck his head in. "Hey, sunshine."

"Hi."

"Mind if I come in?"

"No."

He entered the room, closing the door before crossing to the bed. Without waiting for an invitation, he joined me beneath the covers.

"I feel like such a whore," I joked. "In bed with a different guy every night."

Jimmy smirked. "If you let me have my way with you, I promise you'll never leave my bed again."

I cast a wary look in his direction. "You're not gonna try to molest me, are you?"

"Nah. Besides, it's not molestation if you like it."

"Jimmy, please."

"Okay, okay. Sorry. It's a genetic disorder or something. I have to turn everything you say into something dirty if I can possibly manage it."

I arched an eyebrow. "Does Matt have the same genetic disorder?"

"Nope. Matt's just a damn pervert."

I giggled. Jimmy reached over and smoothed a stray lock of my blond hair away from my face. "So, are you going to tell me what's wrong, or am I going to have to force it out of you?"

My smile faded and I literally felt all expression leave my face. "What are you talking about?"

"You were crying at the beach," he accused.

"No, I wasn't."

"Bullshit! Sunshine...please, talk to me."

I couldn't take the concern in his eyes. How could he possibly care about me? How could any of them? "Why do you care?"

"Because if something upset you--"

"Why do you care?" I interrupted. "Why do you care about me?"

Jimmy was silent for a long time. "You were living a lie," he said eventually. "And I saw through it. We all did because we've all done it. I used to be a basketball player."

I couldn't hide my surprise. "Really?"

Jimmy nodded. "I can't even begin to describe how much happier we were once we stopped lying and became our true selves. Then, we came to Danville and met you. We wanted to help you. At some point, we realized you meant more to us than just some girl that we were encouraging to be herself. Besides, Brian cares about you. And anything that makes one of us happy is worth protecting."

"In case you haven't noticed, I haven't exactly been making him happy."

"But you did before you made the wrong decision. I've never seen him as happy as he was when he was around you."

My eyes stung with tears. "Damn it, Jimmy!" I closed my eyes, willing the tears away.

"And he makes you happy, right?"

I opened my eyes and looked at Jimmy. "You know he does."

"And that's why you were crying. You think you've lost someone who makes you happy and who accepts you for who you are."

It didn't take a genius to realize he was right. I nodded.

"Then you've gotta--"

"Talk to him, I know. Jimmy, please, I can't take anymore serious conversations tonight. Can we just go to sleep?"

"Sure thing, sunshine."

I closed my eyes.