Letters To Ana

Ana,
I’ve been good for TWO days now.
I know I’ve been hormonal, but this time I’ll get it right. When they see me pass the one month marker then they’ll know it’s for real, that I am invincible. I have the power to control myself. Not them.

Only 29 days left to go.

I feel bad though, I’m bending your rules; I’m giving myself 1000 calories a day. Are you angry?
Please don’t be, it’s the only way I can so far, like weaning myself off a bad habit.
And I haven’t eaten any bad food at all, except for a few candies, when I’m studying, to suck on.
But, please, it’s never over the 1000 calorie mark.
I promise.

All I can think of right now is food. That will change right?
No one can tell yet, but I’ve checked everything and I weigh 137 pounds right now around midday. By the end of the month I want to weight 125-130. Ana, do you think I can do it? Do you think I can make myself beautiful?

I slept well last night, I only woke up three times and slept almost nine hours, I was on three different medicines for sleep, but it still felt like an accomplishment.

I’m taking your advice and trying to find a boyfriend, then I’ll be able to have someone to be pretty for, I don’t know how though, I’m so fat, no boy would even bother to look at me.

I’ve been doing my reading, research like you said. One model, she ate kleenex’s to fill her stomach.
There’s only one way to see if it works or not.
I’ll get back to you on it.

Cheers.
Me.