Letters To Ana

Ana,
That how much I need to loose in 12 days.
7 fucking pounds.
Fuck.
How will I do this?
My calorie count has been negative for the last two days, and then today I fucked it all up.

I ate a lot today. I mean a lot and mom wanted to take me out to a barbecue.
Mom just stared at me as I started crying over food and said she was making me an appointment at an ED clinic.
I managed to sob out there was nothing wrong with me.
All she said was, I know.
Why can't I stop thinking about that? Just those two words, I know.
Wouldn't be surprised if I gained back the two pounds I lost, I worked out until I nearly puked, couldn't stand and had a head ache. 1102 calories burned. Still not enough to be in the negatives.

I'm sorry I fucked today up.
Tomorrow will be better.
---

I sat in the shower for 45 minutes, I was so fat, the water was cold, cold showers burn more calories. and I just cut on myself, all over my fat bloated stomach.
I'm disgusting, aren't I?

Me.