Status: Writing As Needed.
Letters To Ana
Relapse
Ana,
I guess I was willing to get better until I started gaining weight. Until my thigh gap started going away. Until everything fell to shit.
I've been in the hospital so many times these last few months- laxative overdose, pill overdose, suicide supervision.... I've started smoking so much, and cutting.
I was doing so well.
I was almost done with you.
My doctor, she knows something is wrong with me. She can tell the difference too...
Mom doesn't make me drink water, I haven't had anything to drink for over 20 hours. My goal is fifty, after 72 a human will die. I'm not really hungry, I'm a little thirsty. I have a headache. I need to work out tonight.
I'm so sorry I tried to leave you, it's clear I need you, to fade away and become one with the wall paper.
I have so many scars.
I want to fade away.
Ana, you still love me, don't you? You love me for what I am, you don't love the old pieces and wish you could change me back like my parents do.
They want me to get 'better' so things can 'be like they were'.
But I don't think that can happen, not now, not when then was so fucking far away.
Me.
I guess I was willing to get better until I started gaining weight. Until my thigh gap started going away. Until everything fell to shit.
I've been in the hospital so many times these last few months- laxative overdose, pill overdose, suicide supervision.... I've started smoking so much, and cutting.
I was doing so well.
I was almost done with you.
My doctor, she knows something is wrong with me. She can tell the difference too...
Mom doesn't make me drink water, I haven't had anything to drink for over 20 hours. My goal is fifty, after 72 a human will die. I'm not really hungry, I'm a little thirsty. I have a headache. I need to work out tonight.
I'm so sorry I tried to leave you, it's clear I need you, to fade away and become one with the wall paper.
I have so many scars.
I want to fade away.
Ana, you still love me, don't you? You love me for what I am, you don't love the old pieces and wish you could change me back like my parents do.
They want me to get 'better' so things can 'be like they were'.
But I don't think that can happen, not now, not when then was so fucking far away.
Me.
♠ ♠ ♠
Well, this is just sort of putting along, I never remember to update it... Oh well, read my blogs if you like it... this is just a formulated entry from them.... [blog titles are on my mibba page]comments on the writing anyone?