My Chemical Rammance

Wayne awoke to the sounds of a squealing Gerard. Rubbing his head soothingly, he came to the termination that the bus had stopped. “What be going on, fools?” demanded Wayne, while rubbing his eyes meagerly.
“WAYNE!” cried Gerard, as he lunged forward to give him a hug. “HII.” Wayne winced at Gerard’s sudden show of affection. He found Ray and Mikey asleep with a Milky Way bar clenched between each other’s fists – and he also found Bob, sitting pensively in absolute awe of a piece of paper held in front of him. “Till Lindemann’s signature,” said Bob while licking his lips.
Wayne pushed Gerard to the side. “I said, what be going on?” Gerard tilted his head in a childlike fashion and beamed. “Well! The bus is stopped because we ran out of gas. The bus driver is TRYING to figure out what to do…. And well, me and Paul are new best friends! In fact, Paul is the bestest friend I ever had! He went to go use the bathroom now, but he made me laugh FOR HOURS.”
Wayne furrowed his eyebrows at the overly fervent Gerard. “What kind of mess is this?” he dictated while crossing his arms.
“You’re telling me!” slurred a drunken Christoph. “MY BABAY! Is conversing with that fool!” Tilting to the side, Christoph nearly lost in balance.
“Aw, poor Chrissy,” mumbled a sympathetic Oliver.
“WHO THE FUCK WAS TALKING YOU, YOU OLD BALD DOUCHE!”
Wayne glanced to Rammstein and to his pathetic MCR crew. “Shit, we’re gonna be late! Da shit is gonna hit the fan!”
*

Paul was once again snuggled against Christoph, smiling and giggling. It wasn't Christoph that was making him feel that way. He may have been pressed against Christoph, but he was too busy chatting away with Gerard.

"Till once burned me with a stage prop before," Paul chirped. Gerard's eyes grew wide as he said, "We have so much in common! Till totally did that to me too!" Gerard laughed nervously. He could feel Till glaring at the back of his head from the seat behind him.

"I don't even know you," Till growled. Gerard scratched the back of his head and laughed.

"Oh yeah. That's right. Maybe we don't have as much in common as I thought!" Gerard and Paul shared a good laugh while Christoph blankly watched. He placed his chin in the crook of Paul's neck. Christoph patted Paul's leg, silently telling him to get up from his lap. "Where are you going Christoph?" Paul questioned nervously. Christoph waved a hand in the air and staggered toward the door of the bus. He clumsily slipped down the stairs. Falling roughly, Christoph hit the ground outside.
"Hello, Mr. Floor. Thanks for catching me," Christoph muttered. He shakily stood up and dusted himself off. Till stuck his head out the window with Flake next to him.

"I'll give him ten minutes before he severely injures himself," Flake wagered.

"I'll give him three," Till replied. The two of them shared a good laugh until Paul snapped at them.

"He's going to hurt himself! Christoph, you're going to hurt yourself! Get back on the bus. Where do you think you're going off? We're in the middle of nowhere," he yelled. Christoph raised his hands in the air and let out a loud sigh.
"What do you expect me to do?! Sit around and do nothing? I'm going to go explore," he said while walking off. Frank was already outside. He watched Christoph storm off.

"COME BACK!" Paul called. "Why are you so angry? Is it because of Gerard? I'm just trying to be friendly!"

"Friendly my left cheek! You can't pull wool over my eyes, I'm pullover-wool-resistant!"

Flake and Till laughed like giddy school girls, falling all over the seat and wiping tears from their eyes. Paul glared at them, but it didn't stop their laughter. "I.......ha haha, I can't breathe! I'm gonna wet myself!"

"Too late for me," Flake cried between quavering breaths. "If this was a soap opera, I would watch it every day for the rest of my life. I mean it. This is too funny."

"Oooooh! Schneider just come back!" Paul had to yell really loud so his friend could hear. There was quite a distance between the two. Gerard thought he should help. He stuck his head out of the window and said, "Chris! Come back! Nobody wants you to get hurt. Paulie's worried about you. Where are you gonna go?"

Paul and Till abruptly stopped laughing and replaced their smiles with serious looks. Flake leaned over to Till and flatly whispered, "Am I the only one who noticed that no one's trying to actually leave the bus and go after him? What's the deal with that?" Till nodded his head. "I was thinking the exact same thing...."

"Hmm......." They hummed in unison. They shrugged their shoulders and continued laughing. Christoph turned around and pulled at his hair in frustration. "YA SEE?! This is what I'm talkin' about! I always try ta make ya happy, but where's it get me? Nowhere! So that's just where I'm goin....nowhere. I....I love you, Paul! You're a lotust flower exploding with blossomness! Why won't you let me be your gardener?!" He shouted in anguish.

"Wow. This guy is totally smashed," Gerard mumbled. Ray and Mikey automatically came out of their deep slumber to laugh at the irony of the comment. They fell back asleep seconds later. Christoph was too far away for the others to hear him, or even see him. Paul slumped back in his chair. Flake threw his glasses off in exasperation.
"DARN! How are we supposed to know how long it takes for him to hurt himself if we can't see him? This sucks, Till! What do we do n----hey, I've got an idea," Flake said. He waved at Frank and yelled, "Follow our unstable friend! We fear he may hurt himself and we can't go out. Uhh....Till gets sunburn really easy and it's scorching out there. I'd fry like an egg! Will you please do this for us?" Flake flashed him a fake smile. Frank stared at the two men suspiciously and eventually complied What did he have to lose?

Christohp stumbled into a heavily wooded area. It looked like he was in the middle of a forest. He didn't care. He kept moving towards who knows where. "I just wanna go drunk. Man, I'm so home. I mean.....I just wanna go home," Christoph complained. He stopped moving when he heard someone running after him.

"Christoph! Hey, your friends wanted me to--"

"I don't care what they want. They don't care about me," Christoph cried.

"That's not true! They're just goofing around. Of course they care about you. Paul just seems a little bit too friendly, but he still cares about you. That big guy and the nerd with the glasses are just playing. Here. Let's go back. Maybe you should get some rest or something," Frank suggested. Christoph pushed him away and said, "Stop plagiarizing me!"

"......................you mean patronizing?"

"That's what I said," Christoph whispered with a sigh. "Ugh! Stop looking at me like that! I can get along by myself."

"I know, but--"

"Fuck you, I'm going home....." Christoph looked around and sadly said, "Oh...."

Frank put an arm around Christoph to keep him steady and they both walked back to the bus. The bus driver and Bob were standing outside the bus. "WHYYY!!! You should have stayed inside!" The bus driver shouted at Bob.

"You asked me to help, so I did!" Bob retorted.

"NO! We started out with one flat tire and now we have three! How did you manage to do that?! We're never going to get out of this place. No one even knows we're here! NO ONE! No phones, no people--we're doomed. It'll probably take days if we walk. It'll take days if we wait for someone to actually PASS this friggin' wasteland," the man fumed.

"Well........I know things seem bad.....but......I saved a whole bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico," Bob said seriously. The bus driver fell to his knees and cried. Paul squealed and jumped off of the bus to hug Christoph.

"You horrible man. Horrible horrible horrible! I won't forgive you for this! Oh, I can't stay mad at you. I forgive you. Get inside. Do you want anything? Are you thirsty? Poor thing, you have a cut on your arm!"

"Cut?" Flake nudged Till. "You hear that, Till? CHRISTOPH! Are you severely injured in any way? Darn. He's not. I guess we'll just have to go on that cut. When did you get that cut? I demand to know!" Flake shouted angrily.

"I don't know. Maybe four minutes after I left?" Christoph mumbled. Till threw his hands in the air.

"I WIN! I said five minutes! Pay up!" He yelled. Flake narrowed his eyes at Christoph.

"Dammit, I hate you so much right now, Chrisotph. If I had a genie, all three wishes would go toward killing you."

Ray instantly woke up in a daze. He slapped Mikey in the face and said, "Wake up!"

"Ah, what the...?! Whadya want?" Mikey hissed.

"I just had the weirdest dream...there were bears, midgets, and bouncing butterscotch...and I was juggling apples. I think you were there too...and the midgets were smoking cigarettes, but not the bears, I don't think...I want to go back there! WHY CAN'T I BE WITH THE NON-SMOKING BEARS?!" Ray shouted out his frustration as everyone on the bus stared at him. Richard ran outside. "If you don't get this bus moving, I'm going to kill someone!" Richard shook the man feverishly.

Christoph sat next to Paul. Gerard kept his distance.....for the time being. "You think I'm stupid, don't I?" Christoph slurred.

"Umm......dumb? That's ridiculous. C'mere. Let's just relax," Paul said while placing Chrisoph's head on his shoulders. Hours passed with the normality. Till had a Kool-aid smile plastered on his face, Flake was mad at the world, Ray and Mikey fell back asleep, Wayne was also knocked out, and Bob & Richard were brawling with the bus man.

~~~*~~~~*~~~*~~~~*~~~~*~~~~*~~~~*~~~~*~~~~*~~~~*~~~~*~~~~*~~~~*~~~~*~~~~*~~~~*~~~~*~~~

It was night time. Stars decorated the black sky like jewels. "Hey, paul?" Christoph asked, slightly sober.

"Hm?"

"Do......do you think fish know that they're wet?"

Paul forced a grin. Maybe he wasn't as sober as he thought. "Umm.....I'm not sure. Maybe."

Flake leaned against Till and mocked Christoph. "Hey, Till?"

"Hm?" The man answered in a high pitched voice.

"Do.....do you think this night is as beautiful as I do? Ahhh, the the stars are twinkling. The birds are birding," Flake gushed.

Till fell out of character. "Did you just say the birds are birding?"
Flake shot him a look of fire and daggers. "Shut up! If a fly can fly, then a bird can bird!"
"That's ridiculous," Till stated.
"You're ridiculous," Flake said defensively. The two began an argument while Richard sat outside by himself. The bus driver pretty much gave up on the bus...and on life. "Why should we go on," the man said with a sigh. Frank slipped out of the bus and leaned against the front of the bus. Richard was walking off somewhere. It looked like the same direction Christoph went before. Frank would have just stayed there, but he was curious. Richard disappeared in the forest clearing. Frank quickly ran after him. Frank stopped when Richard stopped and hid behind a bush. Richard leaned against a tree and hummed to himself. He eventually began to sing aloud. Frank's eyes widened. He sounded really good. Did he make up those lyrics just then? Richard stopped singing immediately. Frank twitched. Crap, did he hear me? He wondered.

"Yes, I did. I heard you. I know you're there. Why'd you follow me," Richard quizzed. Frank stepped out from behind the bushes and laughed. "I just came here to.....to uhh.....show you my new hat! Look!" Frank pointed to his hat and laughed.
Richard stared at him. The silence was unbearable. Frank shrugged his shoulders and took the hat off, placing it on Richard's head. "What the....?"

"The hat looks so much better on you than it does me! If my hair was longer I'd look better in hats!" Frank said cheerfully.

"Maybe if you got plastic surgery you'd look better in hats......I mean that in the nicest way possible," Richard grumbled.