Losing Lori

You were never especially attached to me, Lori.

I don't think I should have taken it to heart at first. It's not like you were ever very close to anyone. Not your mom, not your sister, not your father. No one could tie you down if you wanted to leave. I think I should be grateful that I had you for as long as I did, honestly.

I know I loved you more than you loved me. It's so obvious...or it was. I made sure you had everything you wanted, and I hated the fact that you always asked me for everything but love. You wanted a drink, you wanted a ride, you wanted an extra blanket for bed. I could have given you things better than that, Lor. I tried, too. I tried and that's why you're gone.

Did it scare you, how in love I was? Did it make you uneasy? I could understand that. Everything made you sick. Kissing, hugging, cuddling, it was all bullshit to you after an hour or so. I tried not to let it get to me. I really did. I suck at blocking hurtful things out of my mind though. You know that, and maybe it's why you acted the way you did - because you took a sick pleasure in seeing me squirm.

I'm sure even I made you sick, at one point.