Destinere

What is the point of anesthesia if it doesn't numb anything?

I've told the doctor countless times before he began stitching my forearm that I could still feel it.

What I felt though, was a different story.
I wasn't sure what was supposed to be numb. My arm or everything else? Because right now numbing everything sounded like a great idea.

I hadn't realized who was helping us until I looked at his face.

He worked with my mom before...before she left.

I can't even begin to fathom why my dad would bring us here, out of all the places he could have taken us.

"Alright, you're all done. You did great, Kelsie." He said patting my head as if I were a child.

I looked up at him and could see a hint of sadness in his eyes. That just made this whole ordeal worse.

"Now you and Daniel stay here while I speak to your father," the doctor said as he pulled my dad away.

"Did it hurt, Kel? It looked like it! I mean it was so cool to watch but-" I covered Daniel's mouth with my hand before he could continue.

"Can you talk a little less? I'm trying to hear what they're talking about!" I whispered fiercely to him.

As I moved closer to where they were standing, their words started pouring in, "I know this is a hard time for everyone. Alma was a great person, and you know we all adored her. I know people have been sending you gifts, let this be mine."

What is he talking about? I thought to myself. We haven't received anything from anyone.
Have we?

"Thank you," my dad said looking uncomfortable.
I sat on the stool where they had left me before they could see me.

"Are we leaving?" I asked as my dad reached us. He looked a little pale as he nodded. I could tell by the way he wouldn't look at me that he was keeping something from me. He was never a good liar.

"Dad you'd tell me if something was wrong, right? You wouldn't keep anything from me, would you?" I shivered as we walked down the hallway of the hospital.

My dad didn't get a chance to answer. "What the hell happened?" Asked a very disheveled Jonathon.

"I fell," I mumbled annoyed at being interrupted. "What are you doing here?"

"Your dad called me."

"I thought you might want some company," my dad said smiling. "But looks like Prince Charming here came a little too late."

Jonathon blushed a little and said, "I was sleeping."

"Listen Kel, your Aunt Eliza wants to see Daniel. Why don't you and Jonathon hang out for a while. I think doing something normal will do you some good after such a hectic morning."

"Uh, ok." I said not sure what to think. Something was wrong here.
----

"So what exactly happened to you?" Jon said as we settled into our chairs.

"I don't know. I guess I fell, like I said before" I looked around the coffee shop. Today was just a weird day.
Everyone kept giving me odd looks. As if they were all in on some tremendous secret and I was the only one who didn't know.

"You guess?"

"Yes," I said turning back to face him.

Jonathon looked at me for a second, "Kelsie, you know you can tell me anything, right? You know I wouldn't judge you. No matter what."

"I know." I said giving him an odd look. Was he in on this secret that everyone seemed to know? He was acting strange too.

"Are you--did you hurt yourself?" He whispered to me.

"What?"

"I'd get it if you were. You lost someone really close to you. Sometimes you can't find any other way of dealing with it. I'd understand. I'd try to get you help." He laid his hand on top of mine and gave it a gentle squeeze.

It dawned on me what he was talking about. I could see why he'd think that. I'd think it if I saw him acting the way I was. I was numb, I was angry, and I was hurt. Both literally and figuratively. But honestly, I can't bring myself to care. I know I should stop acting like this but what else am I supposed to do? I'm mourning for God's sake!

I sighed, "I'm not hurting myself. Never have, never will. I'm just...sad. I lost my mom. How else am I supposed to act? I just want to sit in my room and stare at the wall for all eternity.
I'm depressed but not enough to hurt myself. I wouldn't do that to dad and Danny. I just--I'm gonna go get a drink."

I needed an escape. I thought hanging out with Jon for a while would take some of the weird out of this day but it seems it only gave it more fuel.

"Can I have a chocolate chip cookie, please?" I said to the cashier.

"Sure. I heard 'bout your momma," the girl said with an accent. "Real shame. She was a sweet lady. Always made conversation with me."

"Yea, that was her." I sighed. Could I not escape this?! It's a big city! There has to be someone who didn't know her for Pete's sake!

"On the house," the girl smiled and moved one of her dread locks out of her face. "Least I can do. By the way, my momma sent a gift to your house yesterday. Did ya'll like it?"

"What are you talking about? No one sent us anything." I said giving her an odd look.

"Sure we did. Momma even said there were other people giving ya'll gifts too. Your momma was loved, so I'm sure ya'll be gettin' lots of presents and money."

I was about to tell that she has lost her mind when something caught my eye outside the store. "I have to go. Thanks for the cookie."

I faintly heard Jonathon calling out to me but at the moment I didn't care. All I cared about was confronting the face I saw. Because I've seen that face before. And I wanted answers.
I ran after him trying to catch him but he was faster. I decided to stay behind him and grab him when he least expected it.

Suddenly, he took a left that lead into an ally.

I followed, eager to question him.

"Hello, Kelsie Brookes. We meet again." Roland Bropes said peering at me with his golden brown eyes.

"What are you doing here? Are you stalking me like some demented psycho?!" I yelled. Suddenly I felt heated with anger. All I wanted at that moment was to connect my fist to his pretty little face.

He laughed. He actually had the audacity to laugh at me! "I have better things to do then to take a glimpse at your pathetic little life."

"Like what?! Harassing more people at funerals?! I want answers fro-"

"Kelsie?"

I turned around, ready to pounce on the person who interrupted me.

"Who are you talking to?" Jon asked giving me an odd look.

"To this sadistic asshole," I said turning back to Roland. Who was now gone.

"Where did he go?" I said dumbfounded.

"Kelsie, are you okay? Maybe we should go home." He said concern clear on his features.

I walked forward to where Roland had stood and found only a dead lily. I threw the flower onto the ground and turned back to face Jonathon.

"My dad has been hiding things from me." I said through clenched teeth. Seems the anger hadn't faded away.

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know. I don't know anything anymore! But I'm about to find out," I said and started for home.
I needed answers. Now. And there was only one person who could give it to me.

At least I'm not alone, I thought as Jon fell into step with me.