Next Level

Zacky's Point Of View

“I think we should talk,” I said calmly as I walked into Kyle’s room.

He clearly wanted to do anything but that right now. It’s pretty easy to tell when Kyle’s angry; the most obvious thing being the broken lamp at the side of this bed. When Kyle gets mad, he tends to take it out on the things around him, as I can see right now.

At the moment he’s standing by the window and staring out to the sky. Seeing as our room’s the last on the corridor and he wound up being the only one of us with a view, well except for Zander. I sort of made sure he had one seeing as he paid for most of this place.

“What you thinking about?” I asked him, going over to his bed to sit down. After thinking about it I decided not to though. I'm not here to send him a load of mixed signals; I just want to get whatever he’s hiding from me out of him.

“What’s it to you?” he huffed.

Part of me was taken back by that simply because I wasn't expecting him to actually speak to me. He’s known for the whole silent treatment thing.

I shrugged my shoulders before realizing that he couldn’t see me.

“I don’t know,” I sighed. What do I say now? Come on, think of something! “Are the builders still outside?” I asked him awkwardly. He can probably see them from the window; I might as well make a bit of casual conversation before we get onto all of this serious stuff.

“Cut the crap okay,” he hissed as he turned around to face me. “Just ask me what you want to know then get out of my room.”

I looked down at the floor and bit down hard on my bottom lip, a habit I thought I’d broken a long time ago.

“Do...Do you like me?” I asked him, looking up at him for a few seconds before looking back down again. The look on his face scared me.

“Grow up,” he barked at me.

“You know what I mean,” I said desperately. “I won’t tell anyone or let it change anything if you don’t want me to,” I told him, watching as he stressfully ran his hands though his hair. “I’ll understand.”

“Is that seriously all you care about right now?” he asked me. “Of course it is, we’re talking about you now, aren’t we?”

I rolled my eyes at him. This isn't about me.

“Even if you won’t admit it, you know that this is way more about you than me,” I sighed.

“How is it about me? You’re the one with the delusion that I'm gay and want to bloody bum ya.”

“There’s more to it than that though, isn't there Ky?” I smirked, knowing that I was getting inside his head. I don’t want to do this to him, but I feel as if I have to. “Oh and, just in case you forget, I’m letting you know that you haven’t answered my question yet.”

He rolled his eyes at me and shook his head a little.

“I'm straight Zack. I have no feelings for you whatsoever.”

I took a few moments to try and think of my next move. I need to get this out of him.

“Why’d you kiss me then?”

He let out a deep groan.

“Why do you keep going back to that? It was a stupid mistake! I wasn't thinking and...It just happened, okay?” he said, his voice breaking towards the last part. “I thought you understood,” he whispered.

“It’d be easier to understand if you just told me it how it is,” I said softly. “So you don’t like me, and, well, you haven’t said why yet,” I whispered.

“Because... Look, I'm not gay Zack,” he told me, locking eyes. “I just... I wan- I,” he stopped and then took in a deep breath. “You cared and, it was just the first thing I wanted to do,” he explained before looking down at the floor again.

“I started like that,” I whispered.

He looked up at me and raised his eyebrow slightly.

“I thought it was just this one guy that I liked,” I said, opening up about this part of my life for the first time really. The part making this even more awkward is that that one guy that I used to like was actually him. “I thought I only wanted this one guy, so it meant nothing, but then another person came along and... I guess I worked out that I like men, not girls,” I told him.

“Yeah, but I'm not gay. I don’t w-want to sound mean but...I-I didn't like you then, in that way anyways,” he forced out, sounding nervous. “And, there isn't this one guy that I'm into.”

“Sure,” I smiled sarcastically at him.

“I'm being honest,” he hissed. “I like girls! I like girls that I shouldn’t like; you know that better than anyone. I mean take Miranda and Ellie, just to name a few,” he rushed out, making it sound slightly rehearsed. “There’s not one guy I’ve ever liked. Like I said, you were just there Zack. If that was a girl I would’ve kissed them too. Hell, even if it was Jay I would’ve done it. I didn't kiss you because it was you. It just happened.”

I nodded my head at him before starting to make my way out of his room.

“Why you leaving?” he asked me, sounding nervous and panicked again.

“Look, you can stay deep in that little closet all you want, but I'm not going to stand here and listen to all that bull, got it?”

“Why don’t you believe me?” he shouted at me. “I’m not!”

“You’re not what Kyle?”

“G-gay,” he whispered, blushing a little bit.

I shook my head at him.

“You say it like it’s something to be ashamed of,” I muttered, turning my back on him.

“Wait!” he called after me. “What will it take for me to get you to believe me?” he asked. “I'm not having you and Jay thinking I like guys. I don’t!”

I'm sure it isn't just me who thinks he’s being way too defensive about this whole thing. It’s seriously not a bit deal; unfortunately he doesn’t seem to see it like that. He wouldn't though; not Kyle.

“I understand if you are. And if it helps, Jay knows about the kiss now, so there’s no one to hide it from. Jay doesn’t care about you kissing me and he won’t care if you’re gay either.”

Kyle stayed silent for a few seconds, hopefully thinking about what I just told him. He’s trying to make me believe him, but he wouldn't even listen to me before. He should know that we don’t care about his sexuality. If Jay was bothered about it, I know he wouldn't live in a flat with two gay guys, but he does, so he obviously doesn’t mind.

“You can go now,” he whispered falling down onto his bed.

I walked out, refusing to look back at him. In my eyes, it’s only a matter of time before he cracks.

I went over into my room and sat on my bed before pulling out my phone and finding a message from someone who I haven’t heard from in a few weeks at least.

John.

For a moment I found myself just staring at the name. What will he want now? We’re on good terms these days, but that doesn’t mean that some things aren’t raw for us still. Some things are hard. Some things are unforgettable.

We need to talk. My place? If you even remember where it is still!

A frown made its way onto my face.

That doesn’t sound too good. What have I done this time? I mean, it’s not like I’ve been ignoring him that much. It’s just, whenever I see him he goes on and on and on about how much Cole is suffering. He doesn’t understand that my conscience feels guilty enough as it is, I don’t need to know that he’s living in hell because of me too.

There we go; I'm thinking about myself again.

I wonder how Cole feels right now. I haven’t visited him in so long. He’s bound to be regretting everything we had now. He risked his career and doing prison sentence to be with me. Then here’s me; I can’t even man up enough to go and see him.