Next Level

Zander's Point Of View

Right now I'm sat in a cubicle in the boy’s toilets, trying to compose myself and get my head back together again. I told Matt everything I was able to tell him and he listened, just like I knew he would, he spoke to me and I took in the things that he said. I know I need help and he’s promised to get me some, but first comes the conversation I'm going to have to have with my auntie and uncle.

I know I can probably stop on my own, with a little support from the people around me, but if they insist on professional help, how am I meant to stop them?

Matt thinks I can do it. I told him I was angry, not because of the reasons he was thinking, but because I couldn’t believe I started to do anything like what I have been doing to myself. People call me emo all the time; does that mean I’m living up to my name now? I know I don’t have to prove myself to anyone, but I used to like knowing that they were wrong and I was glad that I was able to prove that to them over time.

After everything that’s happened recently though, I’ve made those people right. They were right about me. They judged me better than I judged myself and they tend to know nothing about me.

When I felt ready to leave I unlocked the door and stepped into the empty room. I missed break while I was with Matt, so I knew pretty much everybody would be in lessons now. I should be in maths with Zack right now, and seeing as I didn't see him at break either I bet his worrying a lot about me.

As long as Kyle kept his mouth shut everything should be okay though. No problems.

I shyly made my way into the maths lesson and Mr. Markham gave me a slight nod, letting me know that he already knew where I’d been. Sometimes I don’t like the idea of other teachers knowing anything, but it is easier for me that way, and at least they don’t shout it all across the room to me. One of our teachers did that with Zack once... Let’s just say he was really mad for a really long time. Not nice.

Zack gave me a strange look as I sat down beside him. Although the room was pretty quiet, he far from whispered his words to me.

“Where’ve you been?” he hissed making me shiver a little. I hate it when people use that sort of tone with me. It just puts me on edge and I hate it.

“Office,” I whispered, not comfortable with the volume he was speaking at. He wasn't shouting but he wasn't doing much to hush his voice at all. “I felt ill.”

“Liar,” he said as he turned his head and glared at me.

Okay...What’s the big deal?

“W-what do you mean?” I asked him innocently.

I obviously did lie and I can work out pretty easily who told him about where I actually was. I should’ve known that ‘Kyle’ and ‘keeping your mouth shut’ don’t mix very well together.

If Ky has told him though, I still don’t see what the big problem is here?

“You told Kyle but not me,” he hissed, looking right at me as if he was trying to get into my head and work out everything I was thinking.

Yeah, that’s a look that would make anyone feel uncomfortable.

“I knew you’d act like this,” I whispered.

To be honest, I didn't expect this at all. I was anticipating an overreaction, but I was thinking it would be more over the top with worry than anger or jealousy (whatever this is).

“I thought we could trust each other,” he whispered now, “tell each other everything, but no, you can’t even tell me when something’s up.”

“What makes you think something’s up?” I snapped at him. “I just changed my appointment,” I hissed.

“That’s what Kyle told me,” he mumbled.

Well why don’t you believe me then? For a relatively smart guy he can be really dump at times. Maybe he’s just not as gullible as I must’ve thought he was.

“And that’s the truth,” I whispered, losing eye contact with him.

Zack’s really good at reading people at the moment though. I guess he feels as if he has to be so he can try and work out if the person he’s talking to is safe or not. It must be hard for him. Everyone thought Mr. Baker was a safe guy, someone we could all trust, but then him and Zack and... At least he’s gone now...thanks to me.

“Why can’t you tell me what you’ve told Matt?” he asked me, looking desperate.

Zack’s really opened up to me in the past, and I really do trust him, but I can’t tell him about this. He’ll freak out so much if he knew what I’ve done. He’d react even worse if he saw some of the marks. That’s why I'm not showing him. He’s been through a lot and he doesn’t need to start getting worked up over other people’s problems at the moment. His life is only just getting back on track and I don’t want to jeopardize any of that. Ever.

“I'm not in the mood for this Zack,” I whispered to him sharply, starting to get a little wound up myself.

Why does he have to do this? I don’t pressure him when he’s not ready to tell me things, so why is he like this with me? It’s stupid!

“I tell you everything and you won’t tell me about one little thing which according to you is ‘no big deal’,” he hissed at me in a mocking voice.

I seriously can’t be bothered with this right now.

Something’s clearly bothering him, not me. Why the hell is he even acting this way? I haven’t done anything to him.

I got up from my seat and started to make my way out of the room. Mr. Markham shouted after me, of course, but I ignored him and marched straight out of the room.

Thanks to Zack I can kiss my good boy reputation right out of the window. Not that I care right now. I don’t need to hear all of that from him. if I wanted to talk then I would, he just doesn’t seem to understand that I don’t want him there right now. Well, I still need him to be with me, but I don’t need him pressuring me like that.

I know I'm not the one overreacting... I know I’m not.

Without even thinking about it or even taking notice to where I was going, I found myself back in the toilets I was in before I decided to go to maths. Why did I bother leaving here in the first place?

I went back into the same cubicle as before and dropped my head into my hands. I guess it just sunk in. I just walked out of a lesson. Me? I'm meant to be a good kid; one of the ones the teachers like. Why did I do that? It’s not as if I can’t deal with Zack. I’ve done it loads before.

I'm so stupid sometimes.

I didn't need to walk out then, did I?

I was about to get up and make a fool out of myself by going back in there and apologizing, but then I heard the door slam shut into the toilets and the sound of someone crying.

When I heard that I just froze. I wanted to know who it was, what was wrong, but I didn't dare go out there. It could’ve been anyone and I didn't really want to be the one to deal with it. What if they asked why I was here?

Okay, it’s probably for the best if I just stay here and wait for them to go. They can’t take too long...can they?

I heard what sounded like someone punching a wall. I tensed up, hoping that they calmed down soon. I'm not exactly comfortable around violence anymore, so when that guy went to punch me this morning...I was petrified. Even though he didn't hit me, I’ll still never fully get over that.

He must’ve turned the tap on because I started hearing running water. A frown spread across my face when my head started telling me to go against my initial thoughts and just go out there and check on the guy. If he doesn’t want me there I can just leave so it’s worth a shot I suppose.

I slowly opened the cubicle door and froze when I saw who it was. He was definitely the last person I was expecting to see.

He tensed up as soon as he realized that he wasn't alone. Part of me told me to run back in and lock the door, but another part told me that this time he was safe for me to be around. Sure the last time I saw him he tried to beat me up, but this time, he’s the weakened one.

“A-are...Are you okay?” I asked him quietly.

“What’s it to you?” he hissed as he started putting water onto his face, washing away his tears.

“I just...Never mind,” I sighed before trying to walk out of the room.

Before I could though, he grabbed onto me and held me up against the wall. I closed my eyes tight, knowing that Kyle wasn't here to protect me this time.

“You breathe a word of this to anyone and you’re dead, got it?” he spat at me.

I nodded my head quickly.

“I won’t tell anyone,” I promised him, locking eyes to let him know I was telling the truth, which I was. Even if he didn't threaten me I wouldn’t have said anything. I know that gossip hurts.

He looked like he was debating within himself to work out if he should thank me or not.

“Good,” he whispered, sounding less tough than before though and obviously deciding to not show too much gratitude towards me. I tried walking out again but I stopped when I heard his voice. “Why you in here?”

“I walked out of class,” I told him, for some reason deciding that acting confident would be a good idea right now. Maybe he’ll gain some respect for me or something.

“Badass now are we?” he laughed. “I might’ve misjudged you after all,” he sighed.

“Why are you in here then?” I asked him, trying not to sound too invasive though. If I was too sharp he’d probably go back to hating me, rather than laughing at something I said.

“Just felt like it,” he mumbled, sending me a look that told me to just drop it.

I nodded at him. Fair enough.

Just as I did that he walked out of the toilets. I stared at the space he’d just left for a few seconds. Weren’t we just talking? I shook my head quickly before following him out. He was heading out of the doors and onto the yard.

I have no idea why, but I wanted to follow him, so basically, I did.

“Where are you going?” I called after him.

“Nowhere you know,” he hissed.

I started running so I could catch up to him. Why do I even care?

“Can I come?” I asked quickly.

He looked at me like I was mad, which I suppose I am, but I really don’t want to go back now. I can’t face anyone after that.

“Do I know you?” he asked me, stopping still and making me run into him. I backed away quickly, hoping that he didn't think I did that on purpose.

“I'm Zander,” I told him, most likely confirming to him that I can be a bit of an idiot. “You know...” I whispered. “You tried to punch me earlier-”

“I know that,” he hissed interrupting me. “But I have no idea who you are and I don’t need some tag along.”

I nodded my head at him.

“Please,” I whispered. “I just need a bit of a break...”

He rolled his eyes at me and carried on walking.

“Can I come then?”

“Fine, but don’t draw attention to yourself,” he mumbled.

A smile spread across my lips. Finally I can get away from this place, even if it’ll most likely only be for a short time.

“Who are you then?” I asked him.

He gave me a ‘what the hell?’ kind of look before sighing and answering me.

“Harley.”

I smiled at him.

“Cool name,” I said quickly. Why am I talking so fast?

He shook his head at me and let out a quiet laugh.

“Don't suck up to me; it won’t do you any favors...Not in my eyes.”

I stayed quiet after that. Was I really trying to suck up to him? To be honest I didn't even notice.