Next Level

Zacky's Point Of View

I feel so guilty right now; it’s unbelievable. Why didn't I ask if anyone else was in? Oh God, what if Ky thinks I did it on purpose so I can drop him in it with Jay? I know that Jake will understand all of this and if Kyle is bi or gay or whatever he is, Jay will accept him. Kyle’s not going to be thinking like that though. He’s going to think that Jay hates him now and is going to start judging him on everything he does.

“It’s not what it looks like,” I heard Kyle mumbled after dropping his head into his hands.

This is my fault.

“W-what is it then?” Jay asked nervously, still standing in the doorway.

I knew I was going to have to try and clear all of this up, if Kyle tried he’d probably end up hurting someone, and unfortunately I'm the closest to him right now.

“I was juts...making sure he was okay,” I told him. “He wouldn't listen to what I was saying so I forced him to look at me. That’s all that was.”

He nodded at me before moving his stare onto Kyle, who hadn’t moved at all yet. I'm guessing he’s pretty embarrassed now, even though I’m here doing my best to cover his ass right now.

“What do you think it was?” I asked Jay, making him turn back to me.

“It’s pretty obvious init,” he muttered, running his hand through his hair.

One thing I don’t understand right now is why he still hasn’t walked over to us. Why is he staying in the doorway? I know that this will be a more comfortable for all of us if we didn't have to shout over to each other.

I’ve got this sick feeling that I know why he’s staying over there though. He obviously doesn’t believe me. He knows that what he might say is going to make Kyle angry, maybe it’ll get at me too, but if it does, he’ll definitely be safer in the doorway than being sat right in front of us.

“Ja-” I started but he cut me off.

“Look Zack, I get what you're saying but it doesn’t all add up yet, does it?” he hissed the end bit. I understand that he wants some answers right now. I know what this must’ve looked like for him, but that’s not the point. He’s one of our closest friends; he should realize that we don’t want to talk about this. “You, you said Kyle k-kissed y-you,” he stuttered with a slight look of disgust on his face.

Wait...What? I thought Jay didn't care about crap like that anymore.

What the hell’s changed since he first found out about me?

“We were just mucking about Jay,” I told him. “I knew if I said that I’d get a reaction out of him, okay? I lied, Jay,” I explained to him confidently to make sure that Jake would believe me.

He looked at me for a few seconds, analysing my face before glancing back over to Kyle again, who wasn't helping himself by keeping his head down.

“I don’t believe you,” Jay announced to us after giving it some thought. “If there’s something going on between you two then I want to know about it.”

He shook his head at us, looking like he was fed up of us at the moment.

”You’ve seriously got the wrong end of the stick here,” I said, standing up to see him more clearly.

“He KISSED you!” Jay shouted at me. “You can’t say that’s nothing!”

“He DIDN’T KISS me!” I said shouting just as he did this time though. I don’t know why I'm helping Kyle out so much; he’s got to come out at some point. “I lied Jake! He didn't do it.”

When I said that Kyle stood up and stormed out, heading off to his room. He shoulder barged Jay as he pushed past him.

“If he didn't do anything, what reason did he have to storm off like that?”

I stayed quiet for a few seconds, wanting to hold in my anger. I know that I'm the one who’s lying but I'm only doing it to protect Kyle. I wish Jay would just accept my word for it this one time.

“Maybe,” I sighed. “Maybe, it’s because one of his closest and longest friends is accusing him of kissing and being in some kind of relationship with me: Ever thought of that?” I asked him. “Not only that, but you refuse to believe anything I'm telling you. Jake: There’s. Nothing. Going. On.”

He looked down at the floor, making me think that he was about to back down. He didn't.

“It’s not just today though,” he muttered. “Ky’s been acting dead different lately and he like drops everything for you.”

“What do you mean?” I asked him.

“Well for starters, you try and pull off this ‘good-boy’ ‘changed-man’ act, and then who else decides to try it? Kyle. Who’s the one who threw himself in front of your little boyfriend because he knew it’d keep you happy? Kyle.” I wanted to interrupt then. One: to correct him; Zander is not my boyfriend. And two: to let him know that he did that for Zan; they’re friends too. “Plus, he made me be matey with Zander and he’s the one who sided with you on letting him move in, and do you know why he did it Zack? He did it to make you happy. He doesn’t give a toss about Zander, Zack. He really cares about you.”

I stared at him, speechless. I didn't know what to say. Jay was actually making sense here. Does my best friend have a crush on me? Oh God. This is awkward.

Why does Jay have to look into things so much? He notices the little things, and at times like that it really winds me up.

“He cares about me as a friend, okay? That’s it.”

“Friends don’t kiss other friends.”

“He didn't!”

Jake gave me a look and rolled his eyes.

“I'm not stupid so stop acting like I am. I know he did it so you might as well just admit he did.”

I nodded my head at him.

“Fine alright,” I whispered. Jay walked over to me now and we both sat on the couch. “He kissed me, but it happened ages ago; seriously, it’s been like over a year since it happened.

“So you’ve been hiding this from me for over a year?”

I shook my head at him. I wasn't hiding it from him; I was just keeping it quiet. I know that when Kyle did it his head was really messed up and he was going through a lot. He was feeling things he wasn't used to feeling after finding out that his brother was safe, as well as everything that was going on with his mum and dad.

I don’t want to go into detail about Kyle’s life with Jay though. I'm guessing Kyle would’ve told him some things, but most of that night just stayed between us.

“Do you think he likes you?” Jay asked me.

“Honestly,” I whispered. “I really don’t know.”

We stayed silent for a little while after that. I was just thinking about Kyle now. I mean, what if he does like me? We’ve all heard of a time when someone falls for one of their best friends, but would Kyle actually like me?

He would’ve told me when he found out about me being gay if he really did like me, right? Unless he didn't start liking me until after that. I'm guessing that would explain that problem.

He’s seen what happened when I came out to people, so maybe that’s why he’d rather stay in the closet: He doesn’t want to be put through everything that I’ve been through at school.

“I'm guessing you think he likes me then,” I sighed.

Jay nodded at me.

“I know I can’t be sure about it, but it does all add up. You’ve got to admit that.”

“Yeah,” I nodded. “I’ll talk to him, maybe he’ll actually open up to me now if you already know about it all.”

“Good luck,” Jay whispered. “I’ll go for a walk or something,” he muttered, getting up and heading for the front door. “You’s probably need some space right now.”

“Thanks Jay,” I called after him as he walked out. At least he’s going to let us have this talk on our own. Who knows what Kyle might tell me?

I sat still for a few seconds and took a deep breath, trying to prepare myself for the conversation I'm about to have with Kyle.

This is bound to be uncomfortable for the both of us.