I've Been Waiting Such a Long Time for Someone to Come Along

I woke up the next morning in my clothes from last night. I stretched, with my eyes still closed and remembered falling asleep to watching tv with John. I knew he wasn't with me though. I could tell by the feel of my bed that he was long gone.

I stayed in bed for a few minutes replaying clips from last night in my head. John learning to make the ravioli was adorable, and then his toast to me, ah that was so sweet. Then there was that kiss we shared. That mind blowing, romantic, sweet kiss. Then I thought back to him standing up for me at dinner in front of both our families. That took courage. I thought about when he came into the kitchen to cheer me up. His lips felt so good on my skin that it was almost unreal. When we touched it was like a high that I couldn't come down from. Everything about him made me weak. I cut him more slack than anybody in my life simply because he was...him.

I never thought it could happen, but it did. I have feelings for John. The same John who used to torture me day after day. The same John who would abuse my kindness. And the same John who smoked in my fucking car. Yep. I like him.

I like him! I need to tell him. He's got to feel the same way about me. I mean, he was the one who kissed me. And if he doesn't like me back then I guess it just wasn't meant to be. But God, I hope he does. I had this dream last night where he said, "Fuck, I hope you're in love with me too." It felt so real. Like he was actually saying it to me. I mean, I'm sure he's not actually in love with me yet but he's got to feel something for me. Hopefully..

I jumped out of bed and took a nice long shower. Then I dried my hair and curled just the ends to give it a lot of body. After that I did my make up and got dressed in one of my many babydoll dresses. Maybe that's where John got my nickname. It was pale blue and went to my mid thigh. It was a sheer cotton material so I wore a cami under it.

I ran downstairs and just as I was about to get into my car, my phone rang. Oddly enough, it was John's mother.

"Hello?" I answered, pausing and taking a seat in the empty living room.

"Hi honey, it's Cindy. I'm sorry if this is a bad time, but do you think you could go check on John. The rest of us went out of town and well- I think he needs you right now." She told me with strain in her voice.

"What's going on? Is something wrong? Is everybody okay?" I asked, worried about what might have happened.

"We're fine, but John- just please go check in on him." She begged.

"A- alright. I'm on my way." I told her as I grabbed my keys and went to my car.

I started it up and pulled out of the driveway. I sped off towards John's house going as fast as I could without getting pulled over.

When I finally arrived I got out of the car and jogged up to his front door.

I knocked a few times and rang the doorbell. When he didn't answer I grabbed the brass doorknob and turned it, letting myself inside. The first noise I heard was something in the kitchen. I stepped quietly through the house and caught sight of him. His back was to me and he was hunched over the counter with his head in his hands. I watched him for a few minutes before approaching him.

"John..." I whispered.

He whipped around to face me and with angry look.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" He spat.

"I came to see you." I replied, acting like I wasn't phased by his rude words.

"Well I didn't invite you over so you can go. Bye." He exclaimed, trying to wave me off.

"I'm staying until I know you're alright." I said.

"I'm fucking fine! Go away." He shouted, his voice giving away at the end. "Mill-"

"Shh. Come here." I wrapped my arms around him and he embraced me tightly. He buried his face into the crook of my neck and wept openly.

I led him to the couch and sat us down. He was lying next to me with his head still buried in my hair and his hands clutching my dress. I rubbed circles in his back and kissed his forehead.

"It's alright. I'm here for you." I whispered in his ear. He only clutched me tighter in response.

I frowned for two reasons. The first because John was so upset, the second because now was nowhere near the right time to express my true feelings for him.

After a few more moments of crying, John fell asleep resting his head right in the middle of my chest. His hands were still tightly holding the fabric of my dress and our legs were tangled at the bottom of the couch so I just stayed there with him. Moving would have woken him up.

What in the world happened? It must have been bad if he's so upset. I've never seen anybody so sad before.

As I was lying there with him, giving him random kisses, I noticed that he started stir. He buried his face further into my chest which caused a little giggle to escape my lips. Thankfully he didn't wake up. I don't know how long he slept for, but I couldn't fall asleep with him. I wasn't tired at all and I was worried about the boy sleeping on me. I ran my fingers through his tousled hair and sang softly a stupid, by cute song,

"When people keep repeating
That you'll never fall in love
When everybody keeps retreating
But you can't seem to get enough
Let my love open the door
Let my love open the door
Let my love open the door
To your heart

When everything feels all over
And everybody seems unkind
I'll give you a four leaf clover
Take all the worry out of your mind
Let my love open the door
Let my love open the door
Let my love open the door
To your heart"

"You have a beautiful voice." He suddenly whispered in a raw, raspy voice.

"Thanks." I said.

Never lifting his head from my chest, he let go of my dress and started tracing gentle circles in my hip.

I was thinking about asking him what was wrong, but decided that he would tell me when he was ready. He was probably embarrassed about crying in front of me. I figured I wouldn't bring it up until he did.

"You smell great." He sighed, cuddling into me more.

I giggled and ran my fingers through his hair again.

"Thank you, cutie pie." I smiled.

"Am I crushing you?" He asked, looking up at me.

"Not at all. I couldn't be more comfortable." I told him sincerely.

"Are you sure?"

"HIV positive." I replied.

He smiled and grabbed a piece of my hair to play with. He twisted the strand around his finger endlessly and stayed silent. We just stayed there for awhile not saying anything. Although I didn't want to pry, I really wanted to know what was wrong. He wasn't showing any signs of talking soon though.

"Are you hungry?" I asked.

He shook his head, not pulling his focus away from my hair. His eyes were red and sad. I didn't know what to say so I just whispered,

"I'm here for you, cutie pie."