I've Been Waiting Such a Long Time for Someone to Come Along

I pulled the old blanket tighter around my naked body and swallowed the lump in my throat. I wanted to cry and scream and hit him all at the same time. I held my tears back with difficulty as I pulled my clothes on and ran a hand through my tangled sex hair. I heard him repeatedly clear his throat out of nervousness which made anger boil inside of me for some reason.

I know he has feelings for me. It's obvious. But I guess he's too scared to actually admit it. That didn't stop me though. I've only had sex with one other person in my whole life and that was after a year of dating him. With John I felt like it was the right time, but apparently it wasn't. It wasn't the right time to fuck him or tell him I loved him.

We hopped into the truck after getting dressed. He drove this time. The whole car ride was completely silent. Not that I cared. I wouldn't have spoken to him anyway. It wasn't because I was mad, but because I knew that if I tried to talk that I would start bawling. I felt awkward and upset and I sat there counting the minutes until I would arrive home.

When he pulled up to my house I opened the door to get out, but not without hearing him call my name.

"Babydoll..." He sighed.

I turned back to him with tears in my eyes and just shook my head. God I loved that nickname.

I entered my house and ran straight to my room. I slammed the door shut and a few tears trickled out. They kept coming as I was lying on my bed whimpering and hugging a pillow.

"Mill..." I heard along with the squeaky hinges of my door.

"Garrett." I sobbed. I lunged toward him and wrapped my arms around him, burying my face in his shirt, still crying.

"Millie, what's wrong?" He asked, reluctantly embracing my body.

I just shook my head against his chest and kept crying. I don't know how long I cried, but Garrett just kept hugging me without saying a word.

When I finally calmed down I wiped my eyes and sat down on my bed. My brother stood there with a confused and worried look on his face.

"Millie, what happened?" He asked again.

I heaved a huge sigh and contemplated what I was going to tell him for a second. Fuck it. I'm not going to keep lying to my brother.

"It was all fake, Gar." I said.

"What are you talking about?" He asked as he moved to sit next to me on the bed.

"John and I. He needed someone to pretend to be his girlfriend to get his family's ring and I needed somebody to give me a down payment for my restaurant. It was a win win situation until I started having real feelings for him.."

"Aw, no Millie." He frowned.

"Yeah. He was being so nice and so sweet. I can't even describe to you how perfect and romantic our San Diego trip was. He's just- he's this incredible guy that I fell in love with and I told him that and he said, 'Uh we should get home' but I know he likes me back. The way he kisses me, when he holds me, and holds my hand, I can just tell. You've seen it too, right? He totally has feelings for me."

"I don't know, Millie. As nice as John is, he's also pretty manipulative. He knows the power he holds over girls even if he doesn't want to admit it. He might have just been using you." He told me sadly as he rubbed his hands on his jeans and avoided eye contact.

"No. He wouldn't do that to me." I argued, shaking my head.

"Who knows. But maybe you should just stay away from him for awhile? You can do so much better than him, Mills. You really can. You need a guy who's going to be here with you all the time and one that will worship the ground you walk on. John will never be that." He said.

"But- but John's...John." I whispered, looking down.

"Do what you think is right, but don't get hurt." He sighed as he got up to walk out of the room.

"Wait!" I exclaimed. "Don't tell anyone about John and I, okay? Especially not Trey."

"Sure." He nodded before shutting the door.

I sat down on my bed and just thought for awhile. Maybe John was just manipulating me into getting what he wanted. That would explain why he couldn't say anything after I told him that I fucking loved him. It would explain a lot.

You have stolen my heart, you have stolen my heart

I immediately hit the ignore button with so much force that I thought my phone would break. The Dashboard Confessional song still described how I felt about the boy on the other line, but in a different way. He stole my heart, yes but with no intention of caring for it.

No, he stole my heart just to break it.

John

Hey it's Millie. I'm either busy or ignoring you so leave a message.

"Fuck!" I groaned, throwing my phone down on my mattress.

"Bro, what happened?" My little brother Shane asked, walking into my room.

"I fucked up and now Millie probably fucking hates me." I exclaimed.

I could just see that heartbreaking look she gave me right before she got out of the truck flash in my mind. Her eyes were full of tears and her bright smile was nowhere to be found, and it was all because of me. I hurt her beyond belief.

I picked up my phone again and stared at my screensaver. She was so beautiful. God, she looked so damn happy in that picture. I wanted her to smile like that everyday.

"Okay. So what are you gonna do?" He asked, sitting down at my desk.

"I don't know. Maybe give her some space for awhile." I shrugged, letting out a sigh as I flipped through her pictures.

"Girls don't want space." He snorted.

"Dude, you're fifteen. What do you know about chicks?" I asked, looking at him.

"More than you, apparently." He scoffed.

"Alright then what do I do?" I asked smugly.

"Well why is she mad at you?"

"Irrelevant. Move on." I said quickly.

"Alright..." He said slowly, "On a scale of one to ten, one being saying her hair looked bad and ten being hitting her, how bad is it?"

"Like an eight." I told him.

"Well, then I would say that you should keep calling her and sending texts, maybe some pictures if you have any, and then if she doesn't respond to that, you need to go over to her house and play her a song or something thoughtful. You have to let her know that you've been thinking about her nonstop. And also that you know what you did wrong." He said.

Who knew my brother was such a romantic? Where the hell did he even learn all of this shit?

"Shane...are you a girl in a guy's body?" I asked jokingly.

"It's simple, John. If you love her enough and she loves you then it'll work out. And it's obvious she really loves you for some reason." He smirked as he rolled his eyes.

"You think she does?" I asked with a voice full of hope.

"Well duh. And she doesn't just love you either, she really cares about like, every aspect of your life. You guys are both so happy when you're together, but in a cool way. Ross and Sierra are happy around each other because they're both making everybody else miserable."

"Isn't that the truth." I grumbled. "What if she doesn't take me back? Maybe I should just let her go. She could do twenty times better than me.."

"Yeah. She could. So either you grow some balls and be the guy she needs or let her go." He shrugged.

"Where is this coming from?" I asked.

"It's just stuff grandpa used to talk about. He told me that when he met grandma she was dating some other guy, but when he saw her he didn't want her to be with anybody else. So he asked his dad for the ring and proposed to her right on front of her other boyfriend and she said yes." He chuckled.

"Really? He never told me that story..." I frowned.

There was a long silence before he spoke again.

"He wanted you to have that ring, not Ross." He said.

"I know. I'm gonna propose to Mills soon." I blurted out.

"Whoa, seriously? You guys have only been dating for like a month!" He cried.

"I know but she's it. I think about her all the time. I can't even imagine losing her." I said in a raspy voice.

"Then go get her."