Have You Ever Really Danced On the Edge?

“I don’t think I could date a girl who didn’t like oranges,” Jaime quips at lunch the next day. Taylor smiles and steals a piece of it and shovels it into her mouth.

“Good thing I love them then,” She teases and they grin at each other. Vic, Mike, and I all roll my eyes at them.

“I don’t think I could date a girl who didn’t love the beach,” Tony comments.

“Tony, that is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard,” Mike throws out, completely monotone. Vic and I giggle, encouraging him the whole time. We were the single people, thus annoyed with the babble about dating.

Stephanie slaps Mike’s arm, earning a howl, and grins. “I couldn’t date a guy who didn’t love guitar.”

“I couldn’t date a boy with a vagina like Tony and Jaime!” Vic giggles and high-fives Mike.

“Wait,” I interject, Vic’s gaze was piercing. I look away quickly. We still weren’t talking, obviously. “That came out wrong…”

Jaime catches on, “haha! You said a guy with a vagina!” Vic hesitates, his brow furrowing, pondering his mistake. He opened his mouth to say something witty back but Michael beat him to it.

“You still have a vagina, Jaime,” Mike spits out, smug, and the brothers high-five again.

“Anyone I date better not like Jurassic Park. That movie… blew chunks!” I say, catching Vic’s eye. I see a flash of emotion in his eyes and then we both look away quickly. I quickly remember that time he told me he geeked out about Jurassic Park. Shit.

“Anyone I date better hate Ben Folds. He sucks,” Vic snaps, and we grow silent. Vic knew extensively of my musical tastes.

“The boy I date better get a haircut every once in a while!” I raise my voice at him. Everyone else is looking around awkwardly, avoiding the conflict.

Vic fires out, “Well, the girl I date better give fucking effort!”

“Maybe this girl does, but the boy isn’t patient enough because she’s only 18!”

“Eighteen? Is that this girl’s argument because if it is, that’s the dumbest thing I have ever heard!”

I give a groan of frustration, “Well, excuse me for not hopping on your dick!”

Taylor stares at me. She’s shocked; she didn’t know the extent of our constant fighting.

“I didn’t ask for you to hop on my dick, Anna! I asked for us to be together because I want you!”

“Wow! You’re so sweet, Victor!” I shout sarcastically, “But Brandon was important to me! And truthfully, I’m not ready to give him up! But you kept pushing me, prodding me! But I’m sorry! I’m sorry I won’t drop everything for you!”

We’re both breathing heavily and everyone is staring at us. I think all jaws were on the ground.

Vic looks hurt but he won’t drop his gaze at me. I feel my cheeks burn up. Then, I pivot on my heel and run to my room. I slam the door and throw myself on the bed.

I hear laughing and I want to stab someone in the face. But I restrain, and a little bit later I hear them all leaving. Luckily, Taylor doesn’t come up and try to talk this out with me.

I lie there and watch the clock fly by. Pretty soon it’s one in the morning. And I’m thinking about Brandon again: I’d confessed at dinner. Everyone heard it. I’m not ready to give him up. Not yet.

I was thinking about this when my phone started buzzing. It was Brandon: what odd timing! I pick up, and his voice fills my ears, “Hey Anna. It’s Brandon.”

I was about to ask why he was calling so late, but then I remembered the time difference: Milwaukee was two hours ahead of San Diego. So it was 11 at night there.

“Hi Brandon,” I squeak, suddenly afraid. What do I say! I don’t want to mess this up, either!

“Megan said she talked to you. I’m sorry, she has such a big mouth,” He apologizes but I shake it off.

“No, Megan is always really nice. She’s just concerned about you. And I am too. I don’t want you to be upset anymore. Plus, you were the one who broke it off,” I remind him.

Brandon sighs, “I know. It was a rash decision. I was angry. I felt trapped, like I couldn’t be myself. And then when that guy knew you, it just hurt. You didn’t tell me you knew any boys, so I felt like it was unfair, you know? God, it was so stupid. I am so stupid.” He says this so harshly I bite my lip.

“I understand, Bran. Don’t beat yourself up about it. You’re not stupid. We both acted dumb about it. I’m really sorry.”

“Anna, I know it might be hard, but can you forgive me? I understand if you never want to talk again but – “

“But nothing. Just stop being so dramatic,” I say somewhat snappy. “I don’t want any of that anymore.”

“Don’t want what?” Brandon asks, genuinely confused. And he also sounded kind of concerned – like I was rejecting him.

“All the theatrics! If we want it to work, I’m done with fighting. I’m done with all this over-the-top shit we keep pulling. If we try this again, everything is going to be sincere; we aren’t going to front anymore.” I explain, and it was true. If I’ve learned anything after these past days with Vic, it was that the fighting wasn’t worth it.

“I can do that,” Brandon explains. “But I want to go out with my friends, Anna. I want to be able to talk to whoever I want.”

I hesitate. Brandon really was flirty… but it was the time for compromise. “Okay. Fine. You can, I won’t stop you. But I am not dealing with any bullshit. And that goes for me too – one step out of line for either of us, and it’s over.” Finally. Finally, I was taking control, compromising, and getting shit done. FINALLY!

Brandon agrees, “Okay. That’s fair.”

I breathe out, relieved. “Don’t make me regret this, Brandon.”

“You know what?” He says, ignoring my last command, “I love you, Anna.”

I rub my temples, “Okay Bran. I feel the same way. I’m going to bed now. I’ll talk to you soon.”

“Okay,” He says. “Goodnight, Annie.”

“Oh – and Bran?” I say, remembering something trivial.

“Yes?”

“Let’s keep this reunion a secret, okay? Let’s just see how it goes before we make it officially, alright?”

I can almost see Brandon hesitate, his brow furrowing, but he agrees after a moment. “Yep, okay. I can do that.”

“Okay,” I confirm. “Talk to you soon, bye.” I hang up.

I feel guilty, almost. Keeping this from Taylor – hell, Vic! – will be… difficult. But I have to. It’s something I need to take slowly.

But I also feel uneasy. But I can’t place why. I don’t want to know why, either. Because that would start making me second-guess what just went down.