Have You Ever Really Danced On the Edge?

My heartbeat was racing and I felt my hands get clammy. Was this really happening? I mean I had been longing for this moment, but when it finally came all I wanted to do was click 'end' and hang out with my new friends.

Alas, I am a good girlfriend, so I say shyly, "hey, Brandon...is that you?" I honestly didn't know what to expect. Was he going to be angry with me? Was he going to say how much he missed me, completely forgetting he was angry with me in the first place?

"Yeah, who's this?" Brandon’s voice croaked. I heard tons of voices behind him, deep voices that were most highly drunk. I sneer at this possibility, knowing Brandon was probably a part of the festivities. It made me sick.

"God damn it - I am your girlfriend! You know, the one you supposedly love or whatever? And what the hell, Brandon? Why would you answer your phone like that? You have caller ID. Last time we talked, we fought and the first thing you happen to say to me since then is, 'whose this?'"

"Anna don't fucking scream in my ear," Brandon growls, obviously pissed with the way I was speaking to him.

"What, are you drunk?" I demand, slamming my empty beer can down onto the counter. I'm seeing red as I pace the kitchen.

"I thought I told you to stop screaming at me, Annabel. Cut it the fuck out. And I may be drinking but there's nothing you can really do about that now, is there?"

"Guess not. God, we haven't talked for nearly 48 hours and the only thing you can do is continuing to yell at me. I've missed you and you can't even tell me you missed me back or ask me how I’ve been. Congratulations, Brandon. You win jackass of the day!"

"The whole reason we haven’t talked is because the last thing you told me is that you don't trust me. How do you think that makes me feel?" He says, raising his voice.

I scoff, "must I remind you of how flirty you get when you get drunk, Bran? You don't even stop to think about me or my feelings!"

Our argument was a circle - no end, no compromise. Someone was right, the other wrong. Usually I was the one that gave in, as I hated feeling unsettled. Conflicts were the last thing I ever wanted and I was too nice to really stand up for myself. I'd rather give in than sit on the phone with Brandon, fighting back and forth. And so that's what I did, gave up.

"You know what, Brandon? You're right. I should really trust you more. I’m sorry I didn't and from now I will. But please don't give me a reason to not trust you. I don't want any girls -"

"Yeah, yeah. You don't want any girls at any of the parties. Sure, Anna. Whatever. I can handle myself. But you know, if you meet any guys out in Cali..." Brandon’s voice drifts off, the warning tone cutting through me - I thought immediately of Vic and his friends. Obviously I wouldn’t be able to mention them.

I press my lips together before lying through my teeth, "hey, no boys Brandon. You’re the only boy for me, babe. Plus you know Taylor. She’s way too shy."

Brandon is silent for a second. "You’re right. I was just making sure. When can I see the apartment, Anna?"

For once, I am grateful for the subject change. "Probably anytime after the 15th. Like when we have everything furnished and we're all settled."

Our conversation goes on, as we both avoid dealing with anything to do with the distance or any trust issues. I was still scared about if he’d cheat on me, but I knew voicing my insecurities would just upset Brandon again.

After a while, we hung up. I’m a little shaken up, my emotions spewing everywhere. They changed so fast with the events that just took place. For a while, I’d been pretty upset about not speaking to him. Then, when we did speak we fought, and now, I honestly didn’t want to speak to him again for another few days.

I rubbed my temples before reaching into the fridge and grabbing another beer. I’d obviously have to deal with Brandon later, but for now a beer would suffice in calming me down. I walk back out to the porch and suddenly Taylor is in my face.

“Well?” She asks, hands on her hips. Her tone is forceful and expectant. Behind her, I see Jaime pretending to not hear what could end up as a fight.

I roll my eyes, “That was Brandon on the phone, Tay. What else do you want me to say?”

“What did that jackass say now?”

“He just… I… I called him. I heard people in the background and got mad. He got mad because he thinks I don’t trust him –“

“Which you shouldn’t,” Taylor comments.

I ignore her and continue, “But he should be coming down on the 17th or something, after we’re all finished with the apartment and stay for a night.”

“Where’s he going to be staying, Anna? Because that boy is sure not going to stay in my house.”

“Taylor!” I shout, and I see Jaime get up and walk past us. “What the hell? Why are you acting like this? I can handle myself, and I know Brandon enough to know that he’s going to be faithful to me! He treats me so well; I deserve to be yelled at sometimes. I’m too protective.”

Taylor scoffs, rolling her eyes. “Are you kidding me, Anna? You know that Brandon is a jackass. He’s just being the manipulative son-of-a-bitch he always is! You’ll believe every word he says, won’t you?”

I look away, knowing she’s right. Seeing this, Taylor’s voice softens. “Hey, I’m sorry. I just see someone you don’t sometimes, Anna. I’m sure Brandon is really trying, but I think his jackass friends easily influence him and sometimes I don’t think he treats you the way you should be treated. Maybe you should have Laura keep an eye on him for you. Doesn’t she hang out with the same people he does? She’ll probably be at a lot of the same parties, right?”

I nod, completely swayed by Taylor’s words. Laura is one of my good friends from back home. Laura, like Brandon, loves to party and so they usually see each other a lot. “Yeah. I’ll give her a call tomorrow, okay? Just try not to bully me so much; I’m trying to deal with it. It’s just hard… being away and not knowing. I know how he is, I just don’t like to confront it.”

Taylor nods and hugs me gently. We go to our old positions, Jaime coming back onto the porch and pulling Taylor back into his lap. I sit next to Vic again, the space in-between us big enough for a guy the size of Brandon.

- - - -

We sit there awkwardly for a while, so I decide to distract myself with my beer. I’ve nearly slammed all of it when Vic finally starts talking.

“Whoa, slow down Anna. You’ve chugged that beer in the past like five minutes.” Vic warns me in a friendly voice. Suddenly, I am having none of it. I’m just not in the mood.

“Oh so suddenly you’re my dad or something, Vic?” I try to snap at him in lower tones, so Taylor or anyone doesn’t get involved. Vic’s eyes widen in surprise. We had just been getting along, but that was before my phone call. Talking to Brandon had got me thinking – if I expected Brandon to be good, he deserved that in return from me. I couldn’t allow myself to get close to Vic, especially because I was definitely attracted to him.

“Well, no, I’m just trying to help you. I wouldn’t want you to be puking all over my bathroom!” Vic laughs, and puts his arm around me.

I lash out, slapping his hand away. Nobody notices, thankfully. I look into his brown eyes and sneer, “I can fucking handle myself. And stop touching me, how old are you? Like, 35? I’m starting to get a little creeped out. I have a boyfriend, you know.”

Vic’s (beautiful) tan skin pales visibly at my words. I’ve obviously struck a chord. He removes his hand from my shoulders and scoots away further. His voice seeps regret and I can’t help but feel ashamed. “Oh, God, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize… I just, I’m sorry. I won’t touch you.” He stands and frowns at me, “And I’m actually 28, but whatever Anna, you’re…” He mumbles now, his adrenaline from my harsh words gone. He’s scared to finish his sentence, being the polite man he is. He just looks at me, for a few seconds that feels like hours before walking away.

I knew my words were harsh – I wanted to take them back as soon as they left my mouth, but I couldn’t allow myself to get close to Vic. A boy as beautiful, nice, and gracious as he, would be dangerous. Sure, my boyfriend wasn’t always nice, but he was all I had. He loved me and I needed to feel that security Brandon supplied.

Moving to California seemed like a big risk for me, but with Taylor I felt safe. But now, I felt exposed. I felt exposed like Vic knew everything about me and I knew nothing about him. And it had to stay that way, because I fear the more I learn about him, the more I’d like him.

- - - -

We ended up staying overnight at the Fuentes’ house. Taylor and I laid blankets on their living room floor and snuggled together there. Tony called dibs on the couch, which upset Jaime so much that they even wrestled for it. Tony won, and Jaime got the floor of Mike’s bedroom. Vic was silent throughout the rest of the time and I felt horrible. Taylor had definitely caught on, sending me questioning glances every now and then.

I had fucked up. I knew I had. I was fitting in, gaining friends in this strange city I knew nothing about… and then, Brandon happened.

I didn’t know how to feel. I felt bad but I had lied to my boyfriend about boys so I had to stay faithful to him. No boys, just like I told him. But here I was, sleeping over with four guys I’d just met in a city I was so unfamiliar with. I looked up at Taylor and saw her and Jaime laughing together. I knew we were going to be spending a lot of time with the boys of Pierce the Veil.

This was going to be tough.