Back To December
You'll never be free
BTD 16
PAUL POV
In a few minutes Dr.Fang and that big oaf Emmett were in my house.
" Let me see her." Doc said calmly. I shakily set her down on the bed and was
checking her pulse. His brows furrowed.
" Emmett hand me the light,"
The oaf dug through his bag and handed him one of those light things.
He pried opened her eyelids like I had and shone a light on her eye. He sighed.
" Do you know what she took?" he asked slowly, worrying me.
I nodded, gesturing to the bathroom," Cocaine. It's all over the bathroom. Ther's uhh, LSD too....Check for yourself."
I bit my lip as Emmett looked around the corner. His gold eyes widened.
" I've never seen that much coke in my life, Carlisle. " he stated sadly.
Doc sighed, pulling a long needle filled with clear liquid.
" Whoa,Whoa,Whoa. What the fuck are you giving her?!" I asked angrily. Sam put a
hand in my shoulder. A silent 'calm down'.
I took a few deep breathes to stop my shaking before nodding.
I watched as the needle punctured her skin
" Just a little something to counteract the Cocaine. She's overdosed I'm afraid. "
I choked back a sob and sat beside her where she lay on the bed. I held her hand
tightly.
" When will she wake up?" Sam asked for me.
Carlisle looked to Emmett.
" Could be anywhere from a few hours to a couple days. She just needs to be
under close watch. There's nothing else that can be done, I'm afraid. "
I nodded and watched as the two bloodsuckers left. Sam collapsed in the chair in
the corner of the room.
" What would-Why would she do this Sam?" I whispered, looking up at him with
blurry wet eyes.
What had I done wrong?
What the hell was she thinking?
Is this who she was in LA?
How do i help her?
Sam looked up at me with an indistinguishable emotion on his face," I don't know
man. I really don't know. "
I saw him pull out his cell phone and dial a number
" Hey Em. Yeah. No, something happened,you should get down here soon...it's
Kara."
I felt myself go through multiple emotions as Sam informed Emily that her little sister had ODed.
I went from shock to numb to confused to angry to out right pissed to calm to scared to worried and back to shocked.
I knew she had some issues back in LA. She didnt have to tell me that...it was in her eyes; a kind of dark lonliness i knew i would never cure.
But drugs?
Hard drugs?
Really?
If she is on drugs.....what else has she done?
Who is she anymore?
I dont think i know.
KARA POV
20hrs later
I felt the cold darkness all around be begin to fade from my toes upward and was replaced by a dull
thud in my head.
I groaned.
I heard sudden movement and my hand was enveloped in an oven it seemed.
" Baby? Talk to me,Kara." I heard Paul beg. I opened my eyes slowly to be
blinded by light.
He smiled shakily, then turned his head,"Em! Sam! She's awake!"
I winced.
" Talk softer please." I whispered hoarsely.
His face fell and he nodded, right then the door flung open and my sister
wrapped me up in a bear hug.
I smiled, returning the affection.
When I pulled away Emily's face was absolutely lethal.
" What the hell were you thinking?!?!" she yelled.
Damn. I winced again. Too loud.
I sighed and looked to Paul who was playing with my hair, not looking at me.
" I really don't know. It's not like it was my first coke party. I'm experienced
with this shit, I know what's enough. But then I started drinking...which made
me stupid enough to do another set." I finished confused and sighed.
Sam, who I just know noticed was in the room-in the corner, cleared his throat.
" you had all of us really scared. Especially Paul. And Emily has kept the guys
from coming up here. They're all worried too. "
I bit my lip, looking at my hands which were folded in my lap.
Paul motioned to Sam and he and Emily left.
Em flashed my a smile before shutting the door.
Just me and Paul.
There was an uncomfortable silence.
" When did all this start?" Paul asked angrily, meaning the drug abuse.
I bit my lips," Since I was seventeen. A couple months before I left La Push."
He gulped, sliding down in the chair.
" Sweet Jesus." he muttered. I looked away.
I heard the chair scrape and he stormed out of the room.
i sighed, messing with my hair. There was a knock on the door and Jacob and Embry walked in, sitting on the edge of the bed.
" Hey Munchkin," Jacob said softly. i grinned tightly i appretiation of his soft voice.
Embry just smiled and wrapped his arms around me.
Sometimes its what you dont say that really matters.
" Why, Kara?" Jake whispered.
i shrugged, not saying anything.
i can't tell them, they'll think im crazy.
" You scared us, girl. You have no idea..." Embry sighed.
i nodded, looking down.
" Im sorry i worried you guys, i dont mean to be rude, but im tired...."
Jake and Embry got up and left, smiling as they went.
I lay back down and pulled the covers over my head, trying to drown out the sound of my own thoughts.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i awoke a few hours later and it was dark. i threw the covers over my head, suddenly very warm. I looked down to realize there was a warm arm incircling me. i followed the arm to see Paul watching me with a small smile.
" Hey," he whispered.
" Hey....your back?" i answered.
He nodded," I've had a couple drinks, i'm calm. you can explain now." he told, well, commanded...
i sat up, biting my lip. Paul sat up as well.
i ran my fingers through my hair.
" I dont know where to start," i said.
He looked away, " Can you just tell me why...why do you do it? Is it me? Did i do something? Im going crazy here-" i cut Paul off with a kiss. i held his face with my hnds, looking into his eyes.
" If i'm going to tell you, you have to shut up." he nodded.
i relaxed and closed my eyes, thinking.
there was a long pause before i spoke.
" Its the voices," i whispered.
" What?" he asked.
" The voices" i repeated, looking up at him.
" Sometimes, i hear their voices, my parents....i hear them screaming and fighting....and it brings me back to that place in my mind i swore to myself id forget...and it scares me. I start to think back, like, what if i had spoken up, or said something, would things have been better? I've never told anybody before- I- I can't" i stutterd with tear tracks on my face.
Paul looked at me with a look i can't describe," And then the voices change," i continued," They morph into this dark, rumble that never goes away. It tells me to do things, do this, do that....the drugs will make you feel better...the pain isnt real....it feels good when you hurt....its all your fault...."
i stopped talking for i couldnt speak through my sobs.
Paul held me tight as i cried.
" I'm not crazy!!" i yelled into his chest.
" Shhhhh, shhhhhhh i know, baby. I know. I never said you were."
He grabbed and entwined our hands, looking me dead in the eye," I love you too
much to loose you to something stupid like drugs or booze. I can't help you, Kara, if you dont let me. You have to let me in, damnit. You cant bottle it up. Its not healthy, okay? Tell me this was the last time. Tell me it's over. Promise. "
His eyes were pleading and I wanted to cry " It's all over. I'm done. I
promise."
Yet another promise I'm making.
Only this time the thing is I don't know if I'm lying or not.
Paul smiled and pulled me in for a kiss.
What the hell is wrong with me?
Right as we pulled away and he smiled at me, i felt that little thing, that little voice.
You'll never be free
Whitney:)
PAUL POV
In a few minutes Dr.Fang and that big oaf Emmett were in my house.
" Let me see her." Doc said calmly. I shakily set her down on the bed and was
checking her pulse. His brows furrowed.
" Emmett hand me the light,"
The oaf dug through his bag and handed him one of those light things.
He pried opened her eyelids like I had and shone a light on her eye. He sighed.
" Do you know what she took?" he asked slowly, worrying me.
I nodded, gesturing to the bathroom," Cocaine. It's all over the bathroom. Ther's uhh, LSD too....Check for yourself."
I bit my lip as Emmett looked around the corner. His gold eyes widened.
" I've never seen that much coke in my life, Carlisle. " he stated sadly.
Doc sighed, pulling a long needle filled with clear liquid.
" Whoa,Whoa,Whoa. What the fuck are you giving her?!" I asked angrily. Sam put a
hand in my shoulder. A silent 'calm down'.
I took a few deep breathes to stop my shaking before nodding.
I watched as the needle punctured her skin
" Just a little something to counteract the Cocaine. She's overdosed I'm afraid. "
I choked back a sob and sat beside her where she lay on the bed. I held her hand
tightly.
" When will she wake up?" Sam asked for me.
Carlisle looked to Emmett.
" Could be anywhere from a few hours to a couple days. She just needs to be
under close watch. There's nothing else that can be done, I'm afraid. "
I nodded and watched as the two bloodsuckers left. Sam collapsed in the chair in
the corner of the room.
" What would-Why would she do this Sam?" I whispered, looking up at him with
blurry wet eyes.
What had I done wrong?
What the hell was she thinking?
Is this who she was in LA?
How do i help her?
Sam looked up at me with an indistinguishable emotion on his face," I don't know
man. I really don't know. "
I saw him pull out his cell phone and dial a number
" Hey Em. Yeah. No, something happened,you should get down here soon...it's
Kara."
I felt myself go through multiple emotions as Sam informed Emily that her little sister had ODed.
I went from shock to numb to confused to angry to out right pissed to calm to scared to worried and back to shocked.
I knew she had some issues back in LA. She didnt have to tell me that...it was in her eyes; a kind of dark lonliness i knew i would never cure.
But drugs?
Hard drugs?
Really?
If she is on drugs.....what else has she done?
Who is she anymore?
I dont think i know.
KARA POV
20hrs later
I felt the cold darkness all around be begin to fade from my toes upward and was replaced by a dull
thud in my head.
I groaned.
I heard sudden movement and my hand was enveloped in an oven it seemed.
" Baby? Talk to me,Kara." I heard Paul beg. I opened my eyes slowly to be
blinded by light.
He smiled shakily, then turned his head,"Em! Sam! She's awake!"
I winced.
" Talk softer please." I whispered hoarsely.
His face fell and he nodded, right then the door flung open and my sister
wrapped me up in a bear hug.
I smiled, returning the affection.
When I pulled away Emily's face was absolutely lethal.
" What the hell were you thinking?!?!" she yelled.
Damn. I winced again. Too loud.
I sighed and looked to Paul who was playing with my hair, not looking at me.
" I really don't know. It's not like it was my first coke party. I'm experienced
with this shit, I know what's enough. But then I started drinking...which made
me stupid enough to do another set." I finished confused and sighed.
Sam, who I just know noticed was in the room-in the corner, cleared his throat.
" you had all of us really scared. Especially Paul. And Emily has kept the guys
from coming up here. They're all worried too. "
I bit my lip, looking at my hands which were folded in my lap.
Paul motioned to Sam and he and Emily left.
Em flashed my a smile before shutting the door.
Just me and Paul.
There was an uncomfortable silence.
" When did all this start?" Paul asked angrily, meaning the drug abuse.
I bit my lips," Since I was seventeen. A couple months before I left La Push."
He gulped, sliding down in the chair.
" Sweet Jesus." he muttered. I looked away.
I heard the chair scrape and he stormed out of the room.
i sighed, messing with my hair. There was a knock on the door and Jacob and Embry walked in, sitting on the edge of the bed.
" Hey Munchkin," Jacob said softly. i grinned tightly i appretiation of his soft voice.
Embry just smiled and wrapped his arms around me.
Sometimes its what you dont say that really matters.
" Why, Kara?" Jake whispered.
i shrugged, not saying anything.
i can't tell them, they'll think im crazy.
" You scared us, girl. You have no idea..." Embry sighed.
i nodded, looking down.
" Im sorry i worried you guys, i dont mean to be rude, but im tired...."
Jake and Embry got up and left, smiling as they went.
I lay back down and pulled the covers over my head, trying to drown out the sound of my own thoughts.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i awoke a few hours later and it was dark. i threw the covers over my head, suddenly very warm. I looked down to realize there was a warm arm incircling me. i followed the arm to see Paul watching me with a small smile.
" Hey," he whispered.
" Hey....your back?" i answered.
He nodded," I've had a couple drinks, i'm calm. you can explain now." he told, well, commanded...
i sat up, biting my lip. Paul sat up as well.
i ran my fingers through my hair.
" I dont know where to start," i said.
He looked away, " Can you just tell me why...why do you do it? Is it me? Did i do something? Im going crazy here-" i cut Paul off with a kiss. i held his face with my hnds, looking into his eyes.
" If i'm going to tell you, you have to shut up." he nodded.
i relaxed and closed my eyes, thinking.
there was a long pause before i spoke.
" Its the voices," i whispered.
" What?" he asked.
" The voices" i repeated, looking up at him.
" Sometimes, i hear their voices, my parents....i hear them screaming and fighting....and it brings me back to that place in my mind i swore to myself id forget...and it scares me. I start to think back, like, what if i had spoken up, or said something, would things have been better? I've never told anybody before- I- I can't" i stutterd with tear tracks on my face.
Paul looked at me with a look i can't describe," And then the voices change," i continued," They morph into this dark, rumble that never goes away. It tells me to do things, do this, do that....the drugs will make you feel better...the pain isnt real....it feels good when you hurt....its all your fault...."
i stopped talking for i couldnt speak through my sobs.
Paul held me tight as i cried.
" I'm not crazy!!" i yelled into his chest.
" Shhhhh, shhhhhhh i know, baby. I know. I never said you were."
He grabbed and entwined our hands, looking me dead in the eye," I love you too
much to loose you to something stupid like drugs or booze. I can't help you, Kara, if you dont let me. You have to let me in, damnit. You cant bottle it up. Its not healthy, okay? Tell me this was the last time. Tell me it's over. Promise. "
His eyes were pleading and I wanted to cry " It's all over. I'm done. I
promise."
Yet another promise I'm making.
Only this time the thing is I don't know if I'm lying or not.
Paul smiled and pulled me in for a kiss.
What the hell is wrong with me?
Right as we pulled away and he smiled at me, i felt that little thing, that little voice.
You'll never be free
Whitney:)