And the world stopped spinning

My bleary eyes searched for the red button that would hang up the phone. I found it, then practically threw my phone at the bed, too tired to reach just a little farther to my side-desk.
I'd left my room all of four times since Saturday, when I was stable enough to walk down the hall to the kitchen. I'd grabbed a whole tonne of food and a glass, and made my way back to my room, dumping it on my desk. The only other times I left was when my mother wasn't home and the phone rang. I'd been sleeping most of the weekend, trying to get rid of the zombie-like bags under my eyes.
I was surprised when Nudge rang, though I guess it's just in her nature to care about everything. It was good that she called -I needed a break from thinking non-stop about Max and what happened on Friday. I nearly cried again. I felt so pathetic. Anyway, it felt good taking a break from mentally torturing myself.
I still haven't replied to Max's E-mail. I was still wondering if I should have read it or not. But I did. And now I'm confused about what to do. I wasn't prepared for what was in the mail. It hurt me, what she said, and I wasn't sure if I could forgive her. But that mail made me think about it more deeply. Could I stay mad forever?
That question filled my head as I opened my laptop, hitting the little power button, which lit up in a luminescent green. I blinked when the screen lit up my dark room, half-blinding me. I typed in my password on the login screen, flinching when I saw my desktop wallpaper. It was a picture of Max and I kissing each other, her sweet lips on mine...
I shook my head, then opened the internet. I types in my pass for my E-mail, then clicked the one from Max. I read it again, then once more, before slowly moving my cursor up to the 'reply' button. I clicked it, and began my reply.
I spent about an hour and a half pouring words into the E-mail, deleting them, and writing different ones. Eventually I decided I was finished, and I moved my mouse up to 'send'. I hesitated. I knew she'd subscribed to get messages on her phone when she got an E-mail, so she'd know almost instantly. Should I? It had been three days since I last talked to her... I might as well.
I clicked, and instantly regretted it, hoping I could take it back. The screen came up with 'message sent', and I hit the power button out of frustration. I closed the laptop, then walked over to my bed, lying back down on it. I rolled onto my side, my hand grabbing one of my pillows. I hugged it to my chest, which now ached, and I bit it, trying not to cry, not to keep showing weaknesses like this.
But it was useless. I felt a warm tear slide down and hit the pillow, and I lost it. I cried into the pillow, the fabrics muffling my sobs.
All over her. All over the only girl I've ever loved, my first and only girlfriend, my life, my world. All over Max. Why did she have to say those things?
Why did I have to be stupid enough to say worse?