It's Not A Question But A Lesson Learned In Time

Just after James left I found my cell, which was wrapped up in amongst the covers, and sent a text to Hannah, I decided against ringing her as it would be like half four in London, I just said could she either text me back or ring me when she had a chance to talk, and that it was kind of urgent.
Hannah had been one of James and mine’s best friends, she’s a year older than us admittedly but that’s irrelevant, so anyway. She moved to London last year with her family, but was now living in her own flat, she had been planning to move back here when she moved out, but liked London more than she thought she would, and she was now seeing a guy there, so she decided to stay. We still talk a hell of a lot, but it’s kind of difficult because of the time difference.
I was surprised when my phone went off by the side off me about fifteen minutes later when I had just started to do some school work that was due in tomorrow. Hannah had text back saying she was up for a chat if I still needed her.

“Heya Chica!” she said when she picked up; she sounded way too happy for four in the morning.
“Are you not tired?”
“Nah. Just got off a late shift. I did sod all so I’m still wide awake!” she laughed. “So what’s up dude?”
“I have a huge favor to ask. And you can totally say no.”
“Just ask woman!”
“Would it be at all possible for me to stay with you for a bit? And if not, do you know of anywhere around where I could stay?”
“What’s going on kid?” she asked.
“I just… have to get out of here. I can’t take this place anymore. I know it sounds stupid. But I just don’t feel like moving out of the state is enough. I need to get out completely. And besides, you’re the only person I really know who lives away from here apart from Ramona, and I don’t think that will work.”
“Oh kid. I would love you to stay with me, but there is really no room. But I can ask Ben if you can camp out in his spare room for a while. I’m sure it wouldn’t be a problem.”
“Ben’s your other half right?”
“He’s the one yep.”
“Only if he really won’t mind. If I could it would be amazing!”
“I’ll give him a bell in the morning. When did you want to come out?”
“I’m hoping to get a flight for Friday. Would that be ok?”
“Yeah. I’m sure that would be cool. You really can’t wait to get out of there can you?”
I shook my head before remembering she couldn’t see me.
“No. I really can’t. Anyway. I’d better let you get some sleep.”
“Yeah ok. I’ll talk to Ben first thing tomorrow and call you back.”
“Ok. Thank you so much Hannah. Just call me whatever time you know. I don’t care if it’s the middle of the night or midday.”
“Ok. Speak to you later kid.” She chuckled at me
“Bye!”

I hung up and chucked my phone back on my bed. I looked at my clock; it was showing nine o’ two. I got up and went downstairs, walking straight past my dad, who was lying on the sofa flicking through the TV channels. He saw me walk into the kitchen and got up to follow me. He stayed standing in the doorway, leant up against the frame.
I was just pouring a glass of water when he finally spoke,

“Frankie. I’m sorry.”

I remained silent. Staring out the window into the darkness.
“I know it’s my fault. And I regret it every day. I’m sorry we decided to do this again. Maybe we’re being selfish in doing it. But I never intended to hurt or betray you. You know that right?”

I couldn’t bring myself to reply to him. I couldn’t forgive him, but at the same time, I didn’t want to hate him anymore. I still knew I had to get out, but I knew that if I forgave him I would tell him my plan. And he would never let me out of his sight again for the fear of losing me. Maybe I was the selfish one in leaving. He’s already lost my mom, now I guess, he’s losing me too. But I can’t stay here. I honestly can’t.

“Please at least listen to me Frankie! I can only apologize so many times. I’m trying here!” he seemed to be practically begging me to talk to him. “Frankie what the hell happened to you?!” he finally yelled at me. I knew he’d wanted to do it for a while. I finally turned to him but still didn’t say a word. “I thought you would at least have the decency to acknowledge me! I thought you were better than this! I’ve tried to apologize so much for this. For what? For you to just ignore me? Just throw it in my face! I thought-”
“You clearly thought wrong then didn’t you?!” I finally screamed. “You don’t deserve to be acknowledged if you’re going to be such a jackass! I was under the impression you gave up doing this because of what happened to mom, and you stopped doing it to show you cared about her. So what? Are you just going to throw it in her face? Because that’s exactly what it seems like! It’s like an insult to her memory!”

Oh my god I’m feel so awful today! He looked hurt at that too. I can understand why though. I had had enough by that time. I slammed the glass down on the counter and pushed past him.
Friday cannot get here quick enough!

As soon as I got back up to my room, I switched on my laptop and waited, rather impatiently, for it to load. When it finally did I searched flights from here to London. The cheapest I could find was $795. I dunno whether that’s good or bad, but it would have to do. I opened my door and peered into the hallway, then I crept down to my dad’s room, I could hear him downstairs still, but I didn’t know how long I had. I finally found his wallet and grabbed his credit card.
After transferring a little over $800 into my own account from my dad’s I went back to the site I’d found the flight on.
Ok. Flight details, Friday, check in from seven thirty, flight at nine. To London Heathrow. Perfect.
Card details all correct, I hope. One thing left to do… confirm. I hovered the mouse over the cancel booking button for two seconds before shifting it to click confirm. I decided to put dad’s card back tomorrow. I’d already heard him go into his room; he’s probably going to be shut in there for the rest of the night, as Joe was already in bed. I checked my email a few minutes later and found my ticket, ready to be printed when I needed it.

There was a soft knock on my door; I ignored it, expecting it to be my dad. The door was then pushed open and I saw Joey’s tiny face appear, he looked up at me as if he was about to burst into tears.
“What’s up Joe? Why aren’t you in bed?” I asked beckoning him into the room. He closed the door and sat on the end of my bed. “Joey?”
“You and dad are fighting again aren’t you?” he mumbled.
“Oh no. we weren’t fighting. We just had a bit of a disagreement is all.”
“Then why were you shouting at each other?”
“Because…” This kid is too smart for his own good sometimes. "We... We just were."
He let out a small sigh.
“I miss mom.”
“I know. Me too Joe. But she wouldn’t want you to be upset about her now would she?”
He shook his head. I sat on the bed next to him and hugged him.
“Do you think we'll ever get to see her again?”
“I'm sure you will buddy. Someday you'll see her again.” I told him.
He sighed again and nodded.
“Can I stay in here for a little while?” he asked.
“Course you can. Come on.” I swooped him up and spun him around, making him laugh a little, before putting him back down at the top of the bed. He climbed under the duvet and snuggled into the pillows. I watched him for a minute as he closed his eyes, a small smile on his face.

Why am I doing this again?