It's Not A Question But A Lesson Learned In Time

“Are you sure you don’t want to come along to watch?” my dad asked, it was his last vain attempt at getting me to go.
“No. I’m sorry. But I really don’t.”
He sighed, but nodded.
“Ok. So Joey’s at his friend’s for the night. Give me a ring if you have any problems. I’ll sort something out for if you ring when we’re on stage. And I’ll see you when I get back then I guess, or tomorrow depending on what time I do get back.” He told me.
“Yeah… see you.” I mumbled. He started to leave, and as much as I hated him for still doing this, I couldn’t go without saying goodbye properly. “Dad.” I called after him. He turned around and was shocked when I hugged him tightly. “See you later.” I said kissing his cheek. He chuckled at me.
“See you later kid.”

Why am I doing this again?

I watched him leave and as soon as his car was out of sight, I rang James telling him it was clear for him to come over now.

I sat anxiously in the living room, waiting for James to get here. When he finally knocked, I leapt up and let him in quickly.
“I’ll just go…” I started, running upstairs to get my stuff.
I grabbed the duffle bag from under my bed, where I had hidden it yesterday when I had finished packing, and looked around at my room. Although half the stuff was still there, it looked so plain.
“You sure you want to go Frankie?” James asked from behind me.
“Yeah. I can’t change my mind now.”
He sighed.
“Come on then. You’ll be late to check in if we don’t leave now.”
I nodded and turned around.
“I’m ready.”

The car journey was silent, but I liked it that way. I knew I’d start crying if we started talking, and I think James knew it. That’s why he didn’t spark a conversation.

As James parked the car in the short stay car park, things were starting to become more realistic. We both got out, and he went to get my stuff out of the trunk while I went to find a trolley to put it all on.
He walked me to the check in desk and as we got closer to the front of the queue he turned to me and spoke for the first time since we had left the house.

“This is your last chance Frankie. Are you really sure you want to do this? You don’t have to go!”
“I do.” I nodded. “I just need to get away. If only for a little while. I won’t be able to do anything if I stay anywhere near here, because that’s all I’ll hear about. I need to get away to be able to clear my head and start out fresh again.”

He sighed and looked away, pushing my trolley towards the desk as it was now my turn to check in.

“Well. I can’t go any further. You’d better keep in touch, or there’ll be serious trouble!” he warned seriously, but then he sighed. “I’m going to miss you so much!” he said grabbing me in a hug.
“I’ll miss you too Jay Jay.” I managed to smile up at him as he let go. “Don’t worry. I’ll definitely keep in touch. And no doubt I’ll get an annoyed message from you later when my dad finds out what’s going on. Thanks a lot for helping me though. And I don’t just mean now. But all the time.”
“Don’t mention it. That’s what friends are for right?”
“Right.” I smiled again, desperately trying to fight back the tears that were filling my eyes and threatening to fall. James pulled me into another tight hug and kissed my cheek.
“You’d better go. You don’t want to miss the plane or anything stupid.” He joked, trying to lighten the situation slightly; I could tell he was struggling a bit as well.
“Yeah I guess. I… I’ll see you round.”

He didn’t say anything else as he let me go, and I picked up the bag that I was taking on with me.
“Bye.” I muttered, walking backwards to see him still standing where I had been moments before. He just gave a small wave before he locked his hands behind his neck and kicked the toe of his shoe aimlessly against the floor.

Half of me was hoping he would come after me, and stop me leaving. But even if he had tried, I had to leave. So I was glad he didn’t. It would have just made it harder I guess. I finally turned around to walk through to the departures lounge, where I wouldn’t be able to turn back. Away from everything I had ever known and away from my best friend and family.

Why am I doing this again?