Born and Broken Every Single Time.

"Ugh," I muttered as the light crashed into my eyes when they opened. It took me a moment to realise where I was. I was sprawled out on the sofa and met with a room full of hung over guys and girls crashed out on the floor. I looked around for a moment and noted the absence of Gerard, which saddened me for a moment before I saw Mikey seeming dead to the world on the opposite side of the room.

"Coffee?" I heard a girl ask, turning around to see Eva who stood with two cups in her hands. I nodded and thanked her as she handed me the beverage and sat down beside me. "Sorry for being such a dick," she added.

"Don’t apologise," I insisted. "Even if I can’t remember much, I know I was a bit of a smarmy fuck."

"A bit," she giggled. "You know I don’t hate you right? You just kind of got in my way last night. I miss him."

"Mmm," I muttered to let her know I heard her, but I honestly wasn’t sure how to respond to her. "So last night you wanted to get back with him?"

"Something like that," she replied before taking a sip of her coffee. For a girl with no make-up and a severe hang over she actually looked amazing. I could only wish I’d look half decent after a drunken night out, sadly I often resembled death. "So what’s actually the deal with you two?"

"I don’t know," I shrugged. "It’s complicated."

"I have time," she smiled. I’d never really spoken to her, or even met her properly before the party but I felt an air of guilt rise in me that I’d been an ass to her, especially last night. I could only remember flashes of the night before, like Mikey’s fascination at the two girls, and when I fell onto the sofa. The one that stuck out, sadly enough for me, it when I went all ’Darling’ on Eva and pretty much beat down any chance she had with him. I didn’t like the idea that I was capable of that.

"I honestly have no idea where I could start," I said quietly, taking a sip of coffee and feel instant refreshment and replacement for the taste of alcohol in my mouth. "It just keeps happening, then not, then happening, then not."

"So I take it it’s happening now then?" she continued sweetly.

"I guess," I muttered. "But I can’t help but question how long it’s going to take to be off again, who knows."

"Doesn’t sound too good," she mumbled. A thud came from the staircase and she stood up, telling me she had to check there were no casualties as everyone gradually woke up. She walked out of the room; carefully avoiding the bodies dotted about the floor and saw to the latest victim.

I sat drinking my coffee, sip by sip, for the next five minutes just watching for something to happen. Eventually Mikey stirred, blinking rapidly as he adjusted to the unusual brightness of the room. As soon as he noticed me slumped on the sofa he clambered over people to join me, even taking the last swig of my coffee in an attempt to shake him up a bit.

"What the hell happened last night?" he groaned.

"More specific?" I grinned.

"I don’t know," he replied, resting his head lazily on my shoulder. "My head hurts so bad."

"Do you want something for it?" I asked, nudging him off me. I watched him nod as I stood up, tutting as he sprawled on the sofa right over where I had been sitting. I headed out of the room looking for Eva to ask for some pills just to help his headache. I thought going upstairs would seem the obvious way because that’s where she’d headed after seeing to me.

I stepped carefully over some girl who was lying on the stairs, snoring ungracefully before looking around for some clue to tell me which way she had gone. I heard a voice coming from down the hall so walked down to see if it was Eva.

"He said you’re all on and off and stuff," she said, making me frown as I saw the door was slightly open. My eyes widened when I saw her talking to Gerard. They were in a bedroom, but he was standing in the doorway of the en suite, making me think she’d just spoke to him as he came out. "He’s not happy about it either."

"He really said that?" Gerard frowned. I peered through the gap at the two of them, wanting to hate her for saying this but realising she wasn’t even lying. I watched her as she kept moving closer to him as she replied and observing Gerard’s vacant expression.

"Yeah," she replied quietly. "You really want that?"

"I guess not," he muttered. "He really said he’s not happy with it?"

"Well that he always wonders how long it’ll take to be ’off’ again," she replied, practically quoting my words from our coffee chat.

"Oh, uh." He scratched the back of his head awkwardly as he looked at her, just searching for something to happen. She walked over and pulled him into a hug. I wanted to just walk in and interrupt, to get the pills for Mikey but I couldn’t. I had to see this, I guess that’s what he meant when he said there’s a difference between being a child and an adult, I was being so childish. I should never have listened in to start with, but here I was.

"You know I’m sorry for everything," she continued as she leaned back to talk to him. "I overreacted, and Paul… you know that was me being angry, I’m sorry…"

"Don’t apologise," he muttered. "It’s happened, what ever."

"I miss you," she continued quietly. My heart didn’t just sink, it fucking exploded. It wasn’t the fact that she had said it, it was the fact he didn’t loosen his hold of her; he didn’t even look shocked. He just smiled at her. He fucking smiled. That was my cue to tear my eyes away, and that’s what I did. I walked down the hall and just sat on the top step. I sighed dejectedly as I waited for her to come out, then I’d ask for the pills. I wasn’t going to interrupt, but due to my keenness to know what was going on, I still listened in, preparing myself for heartbreak.

"Don’t miss me," he replied. "It’s not fair on you."

"How d’you mean?" she questioned.

"Don’t you know how gutted I was when you told me Frank wasn’t happy?" he mumbled. "You’re one of my best friends, I don’t want to ruin that again. I don’t know; it’s weird."

"I’d say it’s more weird to have a thing for someone four or so years younger than you," she said, seeming slightly harsh.

"Age isn’t everything," he continued confidently.

"Well you really like him and he’s not happy whereas I more than really like you and we’re not exactly that bad. Think about it."

I stood up without thinking and walked back down the hall and straight into the room. They were still standing as they were when I’d previously saw them. Gerard looked slightly shocked at my entrance and loosened his hold of her, whereas she just looked utterly pissed off. I couldn’t let on to her that I’d heard, but inside it was killing me not to grin like a Cheshire cat. It was too perfect.

"Uh, sorry," I said, pretending that this was all one big accident that I had walked in. "Mikey was wondering if you could help him, he needs some tablets or something."

"Fine, whatever," she shrugged, telling Gerard to think about it before she walked out.

"Nothing was going on," Gerard pressed, holding his arms up as if that would somehow persuade me to believe him more than his words.

"I know," I smirked, seeing him appear slightly more relieved but a tad more confused. "I heard."

"You heard what?" he asked as I walked over to him.

"Every fucking word!"