Born and Broken Every Single Time.

I walked around the streets, heading back to Mikey’s but searching my mind for somewhere to go just for some closure in my mind. As I scoured over possibilities I found myself walk into the park I had been to before. I noticed how empty it all was, sensing that morning wasn’t everyone’s time to head to the park. I shrugged as I slumped onto the first bench I came across.

I sat for god knows how long, just staring in front of me. I felt devoid of thought; everything that crossed my mind seemed to fade into the surrounding darkness. I couldn’t grasp anything. I wanted to go home and see my mum again. I just wanted to walk in and see a totally different person looking back at me but I knew the chances were more than slim. I had my hands nestled in my pockets, fidgeting with my phone and keys just to be distracted from everything around me.

A proper distraction came as I felt my phone vibrate momentarily in my pocket. I casually pulled it out and groaned as I saw Gerard’s name appear on the screen. I opened the message to see he was asking where I was. I knew he’d know I wasn’t at home. He always fucking knew. He knew me; he knew everything too well. He knew my mum wouldn’t have changed, he knew I’d have left. I never liked being an open book.

I muttered my misgivings to myself as I replied telling him to leave me alone, smiling apologetically at a woman who was walking her dog who seemed shocked at my language. As I sent the text I heard a phone go off nearby, recognising the ridiculous text tone. I looked around awkwardly to find Gerard leaning against the wall further down, just looking at me.

He looked like he was just up; and in all honesty he probably was. His hair was a mess, he looked physically exhausted and his clothes looked as if they were just thrown on. He casually tore his gaze from me to look at his phone, simply smirking as he read my reply. I knew he was going to come over. Even though I couldn’t read him like a book, he was a tad predictable. My thesis was proved correct as I saw him walk towards me. I looked back ahead of me, intending to ignore him as he sat beside me.

"She didn’t change did she?" he began slowly.

"She’s going to," I muttered automatically. Granted, I wasn’t my mother’s greatest fan just now, but I was not going to let him talk about her negatively, she was at the end of the day my own flesh and blood and although you can choose your friends, it boils down to that old line that you can’t choose your family. She’ll always be part of me.

"Of course," he giggled quietly to himself.

"What the fuck gives you the right to talk about her like that?" I snapped. "She’s my mum, she’s caused problems for me. It’s got nothing to do with you!"

"True," he smiled. "Which is why I came to tell you I’m moving this month."

"What?" I questioned, feeling my jaw literally drop.

"I like it out there and at least I’ll get settled before the term starts," he continued calmly, staring ahead of him thoughtfully. "You don’t want anything to do with me anyway, I’m just getting in your way."

"No-"

"Yes," he interrupted. "I know you wanted to help, but you never thought about me actually having to move. Ever since you found out you’ve been drifting further and further away, it was just confirming my thoughts when you snapped at me this morning."

"I was just pissed," I countered. "Don’t move early."

"I’d be leaving a few weeks after anyway, it’s no time at all," he shrugged. "Don’t look back when I go Frank."

"Don’t look back?"

"Don’t be sad or any of that shit," he smiled as he glanced back over at me. "I’ll be happy and it’ll be all down to you, you don’t need to be sad over a fucktard like me."

"I don’t want you to go," I confessed, feeling the words roll off my tongue with ease. I’d never said that, never told him my misgivings of his departure. It felt as though a weight was being lifted off my shoulders as I spoke, then dropped on me from a great height as I saw disappointment streak his eyes.

"Don’t say that," he muttered. "Please don’t say that."

"Well you know it’s true," I shrugged. "You know me better than anyone."

"So I know me going soon is the best thing for you," he smiled. I swear I was torn between crying and punching the sanctimonious git. I didn’t want him to say that, to say I’m best off without him here. I just shrugged as I cast the gaze to the ground. "Like I said, don’t look back."

"How can I not look back?" I frowned. "I’d be god knows where if it wasn’t for you, I’d be seriously ill, maybe ever worse…"

"You’d have sorted yourself out," he shrugged. "I just helped it along. What do you want Frank? You want me to give this up after you made this happen? Or do you want to come and miss everything you have here? Neither of them are going to happen Frank. I know that, and deep down you know that too."

"Yeah but it doesn’t mean you have to leave early," I muttered, biting my lip anxiously.

"Why prolong it?" he shrugged. I swear, my heart broke as I saw how casually he brushed it off as if this was second nature to him, as if this was nothing. I know I should be happy that this is his dream, this is his drawing coming to life for him, but deep down I’m selfish. I don’t know what I want to happen, he’d made it plain and simple that I was being naïve to think anything would work out.

"I, uh," I began, pausing to think before closing my mouth due to a lack of words.

"I just thought you should know," he shrugged. "I figured you’d be here, you’re too predictable."

Before I could say another word in my defence he stood up and walked away from me. I watched as he slowly made his way out of the park and managed to do the one thing I knew I could never manage – he didn’t look back.