Born and Broken Every Single Time.

I sat for a few moments as I watched him walk further down the street, just feeling blank. He didn’t care at all, not one ounce. I saw him casually ruffle his hair in the growing distance and suddenly forced myself to stand up. As I speedily walked out of the park in an attempt to catch up with him I felt my blood boil. I wasn’t going to let myself be upset over him, seeing as he obviously couldn’t care less but I had to vent. If I couldn’t be upset, I’d be fucking angry.

"Hey," I yelled after him, jogging slightly so I was only a few yards behind him. "Stop and fucking look at me!"

"Leave it Frank," he replied calmly as he continued to walk, not even flinching never mind looking back at me.

"Leave it?" I snapped. "I’ll leave it once you fucking listen to me, not everything is about you and not everything you say is right."

"I’m listening," he casually muttered, continuing his walk.

"What? You want me to yell everything so the whole street can hear?" I shouted, growing in anger as he repeatedly dismissed me.

"Doesn’t bother me," he shrugged. "It’s you you’re embarrassing."

"Embarrassing?" I yelled, speeding up so I was two or so yards behind him. "I’m not embarrassed! I’m fucking furious! You dictate everything. You tell me what to do, you tell me what to think, you even tell me how I think. You think you know it all, but you don’t! You know how fucking weird it’ll be for me when you go? No, you don’t think about that because your head’s in the clouds! Yeah, this is your dream, but you just want out of here to leave behind anyone and everyone who helped you get there! It’s wasted on you. You might have the talent, but you’re a dick."

"So be it," he muttered as he continued to walk. "You’re right Frank. I want out of here. I don’t care about my parents, my friends, my brother or you. I never have and I never will, I’m a selfish guy and all I want is to leave you all behind and pretend you never existed."

Even though I continued to follow him, I didn’t know how to reply to that. I could just picture his casual expression, smirking as the truth rolled off his tongue. He just cared about himself, and it left me speechless.

"Oh come on," he continued sarcastically. "That’s bullshit, you just wanted to hear me say it. You have no idea how hard this is for me Frank, all you’ve been caring about is you."

"ME?" I yelled as I seized his arm and swung him around to face me. I froze. He wasn’t smirking sanctimoniously. His cheeks were sodden, his eyes were bloodshot. He was fucking crying.

"You," he continued calmly. As he spoke I didn’t loosen my grip on his arm, I just stared in disbelief. "When you found out I was leaving, you cared about how you’d feel when I left. Not once have you thought about me. I’m scared Frank, I’m fucking terrified. You think I want to fend for myself for the first time in my life, far away from everyone I care about? You’re just a fucking kid Frank, you’re so naïve."

"A kid?" I repeated, feeling numb inside. I remember the first time he said that to me we were arguing. How in time we turned the remark into something we’d giggle over. But now, as he said that to me, staring at me through his tearstained eyes I knew this wasn’t to humour me. He was serious, and worst of all he was right.

"One day you’ll learn that leaving is just as hard as being left behind," he stated calmly.

"I-I," I began, closing my mouth briefly at a loss of words. "I’m so sorry…"

"You know when I found out Mikey was being a dick to me that so when I left it would be easier to accept? I thought that was the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard," he muttered, shaking his arm from my hold. I’d sort of forgotten I was clasping onto him still. "But when I saw how you looked at me when you realised I’d have to move, I totally understood why he did it. I honestly thought it would work. If you hated me, you wouldn’t care."

"Y-you’re trying to distance yourself..?"

"What do you want me to say?" he pressed. "You’re not stupid. You may be naïve but you’re not stupid."

"Gerard.." I began. "I, uh, I don’t know. I’m sorry…"

"You have nothing to be sorry for," he sighed. "I wanted you to be angry with me. I wanted you to fucking hate me. But you weren’t supposed to know any of this, why did you have to follow me Frank? Why?"

"You really want to know why?" I pressed, frustration tainting my voice. "Because if I wasn’t angry with you I’d fucking cry, right there were you left me."

"I’m not worth it."

"You’re not worth it?" I pressed. "You’re the only person who cared. You’re the only person who even tried to help me. You’re more than worth it." I paused before continuing, my mutter barely audible. "You were breaking my fucking heart back there."

"Don’t do this," he sighed. "Not here. I-I’ll see you at home or something."

"I’ll walk with you," I pressed. I’m not sure what it was, but as I looked up at him it hit me that soon he’d be gone. I suddenly felt like that if I let him out of my sight he could leave and be gone forever. I know it sounds pathetic and irrational but the realisation of how hard his absence was going to hit me made me never want to let him out of my sight.

"No," he said bluntly. "Just you go home, I have stuff to do."

"I’ll come with you," I practically pleaded. I saw it in his eyes, the way he looked at me he was begging me to stop this and just go home. If I couldn’t let him go on the street, we all knew the pending final goodbye was going to be unbearable.

"Please just go," he muttered, wiping his cheek briefly with his sleeve. He pulled me into a brief hug, well what I presume he aimed to be a brief hug. As soon as my arms were round him they seemed to lock. I didn’t want to let go. "Frank," he whispered quietly, making me realise that like it or not I had to let him leave. I loosened my hold of him and just looked up at him expectantly.

He didn’t say another word, merely placing a gentle kiss on my forehead before walking off. I stood, rooted on the spot and watched him stroll down the street. I wasn’t as crushed as I was the previous time he had walked away from me, but I felt a slight weight lifted off me in knowing that he wasn’t as unaffected as I had thought. But then again…

This was down to me. He was leaving and although yes, he would miss his family, he felt he had to hold back because of me. I didn’t like this at all, but as I watched him I finally understood why he continued and refused to look back. Before there was a real distance to cope with, we had to create our own.