Born and Broken Every Single Time.

I stood outside his door, seemingly psyching myself up slightly just as I had when I was at my parent's house. I took a deep breath as I knocked on the door, waiting for a 'come in' before I opened the door and peeked in. He was lying on his bed watching television and greeted me with a smile, muting the programme as I walked in and resumed my usual position perched on the edge of the chair. As much as I'd like to believe I could sit next to him as I said this, I knew I couldn't. I needed a little distance to talk to him, how ironic.

"I need to talk to you," I began awkwardly.

"Do tell," he smirked as he sat up, crossing his legs and leaning his elbows on his knees as a balance.

"I'm moving out," I stated.

"I think you're mistaken," he giggled. "I'm the one who's moving out."

"Yeah I know," I smirked. "But I'm going home… on Saturday."

"So soon?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I thought I should go before you do, so like when you leave they don't have any more to deal with," I mumbled. In all honestly that is the real reason I was going home. I didn't want to add anything else for the Way's to be concerned about. I knew if I waited until after he left, they'd insist I took his room and I couldn't do that.

"Oh, well I guess, if it's what you want?" he said, running his hands through his hair awkwardly.

"I need to do this," I shrugged. "I can't stay here forever, they're my family."

"But they're the reason you had to move here in the first place," he pressed. His voice was calm but for some reason it seemed as if he was pushing me not to go, like he was trying to dissuade me from going back to my family. His voice may not have emulated it, but his eyes practically screamed it.

"They've changed," I mumbled. It rolled off my tongue as if it was true and I guess in a way it was. I knew he'd counter my statement, not believing me and I'd probably end up admitting the discrepancy and apologise. That's how it always went. When you're an open book, nothing can be invisibly inked, it's all printed for others to dissect. I had no secrets with him.

"You've been home?" he asked, taking me by surprise.

"Uh, I just got back. They have changed," I pressed, trying to convince both of us. "So Saturday…"

"Does Mikey know?"

"Mhmm."

"My parents?"

"Yeah…"

"So I'm last to know?" he frowned.

"I wanted to make sure I was going home before I told you," I explained. "Th-there's more to lose with you."

"What?"

"Like, your parents, I told them because it's their house and I was just letting them know that I might be moving. Mikey, he's my best friend and I just needed to talk it through with someone. But with you, like distance… I don't know."

"This is because of you talking to me about distancing?" he asked, seeming to repeat my words in a much better way than I had originally formed them. "You think I'm going to go crazy cause there'll be like a 15 minute walk between our houses?"

"No," I smirked, blushing slightly as he laughed at his take of my words. "I don't know. You're leaving soon and I don't want to add to hassle."

"You won't be," he smiled. "Just promise me something."

"What?"

"Tomorrow, Mikey's seeing Alicia, can we just have a night? Like watch movies, whatever, just because it's your last here?"

"Sounds fan-fucking-tastic to me," I grinned.

"Now go annoy my brother, some of us have television to watch."

"He's out smartass," I grinned as I stood up, causing him to stick his tongue out childishly.

I smirked as I threw a cushion at him, hitting him clumsily and gaining a childish 'ouch' in response before leaving his room and heading back to Mikey's. I sprawled out on his bed and flicked the television on in a similar manner to how Gerard was doing next door. I settled on some random chat show where two brothers were arguing over who was the father of a woman's child. Insanity like that made me realise my life could in fact be worse. Having said that, you couldn't help but laugh at some of the ludicrous situations you see on these shows. I once saw two Drag queens go to court over a jacket. That was actually the greatest spectacle I've ever seen on a show. I laughed so much it hurt.

I'd feel slightly worse for laughing at this situation though because there was a child in the centre of it all, whereas a glittery oversized jacket didn't really have feelings, so it was okay to laugh at that. I kind of related the whole situation to mine, but wasn't sure who was stuck in the middle.

Maybe I was stuck in the middle. Between the Ways and my own family, or even between Mikey and Gerard to a degree. Maybe it was my family, torn between having me home whether is was best for me or not or letting me be here. Maybe the Ways, torn between loyalty to me and loyalty to my family in general. Surely they couldn't be entirely happy having me here, knowing my family wanted me back.

Or maybe it was Gerard. Maybe he knew that every decision he made would affect his family one way and me in a different way. When this realisation struck me, I felt my jaw silently drop. I never realised that although in many aspects I was with his family, ergo we thought the same on certain issues, I would never have the same reaction because what we had was totally different. We weren't related, we weren't family and we haven't grown up living under the same roof as each other. This was different.

I decided thinking wasn't the best pass time for me just now, seeing as everything brought me down. In two days I'd be back in my own room and having my new start and although I could be optimistic about it, I really wasn't. What I did know however, was that even though I'd be separated from Gerard slightly in two days, tomorrow was going to be a day for just the pair of us. Kind of a goodbye before the real one.