Born and Broken Every Single Time.

The school days were nothing but dull and repetitive. Each class droned on until the bell acted as a saviour for the brief moment before we were forced into another subject. Mikey seemed to latch on to me more at school, probably because I had moved home and wasn’t spending most of my time at his place. It seemed strange to believe how long I’d been at his. The moment it was over, it was hard to believe it had ever happened.

Throughout the week, school was nothing to rave on about. Home life however, was. It wasn’t anything exciting, but it was normal. They were still fussing slightly, but it was slowly dying down until it was just a normal family atmosphere. It was so weird to just be sitting watching television with them because it was never like this before. They occasionally caught me smiling to myself as I thought over the whole situation and asked me what I was thinking about. I never answered.

As Friday night came to a close, I said my tired goodbyes and dragged myself up to my room before crashing out almost immediately to sleep. I could have slept all of Saturday but I couldn’t let myself, I knew I wouldn’t be able to anyway. I was heading around to Mikey’s for the day. He’d asked me over because I was often there at weekends, but I could tell Mrs. Way had some input to the idea, seeing as when he asked on the phone I heard her twittering away in the background. It was quite funny. She was a character to say the least.

I groaned loudly as I heard my phone’s alarm go off, signalling it was 10.30, which for the weekend was an early morning for me. I rummaged through my drawers to find my Black Flag shirt. For some reason I had decided this was the shirt for the occasion. Once clumsily collecting my clothes in my arms, I headed to the bathroom just to freshen up and sort myself out.

Once I was ready and changed, I just took a moment to look in the mirror, leaning my hands on the sink’s side for support. It felt strange to just cast my eyes over myself and not feel complete and utter resentment. I smiled faintly at my reflection as I thought about the change in everything. I remember the countless times I came in here and would just stand in the shower for so long, willing something to take me away from this place. I didn’t care if the water froze me or scalded me, eventually my senses numbed, just like I felt inside. But now it was different. It was all so different.

I returned to my room, dumping my remaining clothes on my bed before pulling on a hoodie and taking my phone from the table. My parents knew where I’d be, so I didn’t need to leave a note to tell them or wake them up to divulge the information. I headed down the stairs and straight out the door, walking briskly as I tried to work ‘mind over matter’ with the elements. They seemed to take great delight in attacking my skin, freezing on conflict.

Keeping myself to myself, I strolled through the streets until I reached the Way’s house. I was going to walk straight in, realising I still had my key, but also countering the thought with the realisation that I didn’t stay there. I decided to knock on the door, waiting patiently before Mikey answered and pointed out my idiocy at knocking when I’m practically family. I shrugged it off, acknowledging that he was right, but so was I in a way.

We headed straight upstairs. It was to be a lazy day in front of the television but neither of us minded. As I walked into Mikey’s room, I couldn’t help but feel strange. It was the first time I’d been back since I left, so I couldn’t help but view it differently. I automatically noticed that the mattress that had been my bed during my stay was now gone, adding to the feeling that I had never been there.

I casually asked if Gerard was in, but Mikey saw through me straight away. It’s not that there was great intent behind the question, but he knew my question wasn’t just random curiosity. I hoped he was there. I just wanted to see him. It’s nothing to be ashamed of really, but it did give Mikey more ammunition to laugh at me with. I was told Gerard might be in, he wasn’t sure. Some brother he was.

Upon being mocked for his brotherly qualities he explained that they were moving some of his stuff to his uncle’s house because when he left his uncle would be driving him in his van. It seemed a good enough reason, so I excused myself briefly to check if he was in his room. I walked down the hall and knocked quickly, noticing a lack of a call to come in, but I did all the same.

He wasn’t in. I stood, staring blankly around his room as I saw almost all of his possessions packed into boxes piled upon each other. His posters were down, some of his drawers were open and revealing themselves to be empty. This didn’t seem like his room. It seemed too bare, too devoid of the characteristics that defined him.

“I’m not in,” I heard a voice casually mock from behind me. I looked around to see Gerard standing with his arms folded, smirking at me. I had no idea how long he’d been there, I hadn’t even heard him walk.

“I noticed,” I smirked. “Your room looks weird with everything boxed.”

“Well it’d be weird if it looked the same,” he smirked. “But you shouldn’t be staring at this, you should be out buying me a leaving present.”

“And what about my ‘being left behind’ present?” I grinned, watching as he shuffled closer to me, whispering as he hovered beside me momentarily.

“Maybe, I’ve already got that covered,” he suggested.

“Bullshit,” I smirked as I watched him walk around his room, checking the words scrawled on boxes. He picked up one of the boxes and tried to squeeze past me again, dismissing my offer to help him. He told me I had better things to do and I wasn’t ditching his brother. I pouted at his words, receiving a laugh from him at my childish attitude but I caved in and let him go.

Once he’d headed downstairs with his latest box I headed back to Mikey’s room to find him sitting on the floor with the television on, but he wasn’t watching. He had a book open in front of him that he seemed to be consumed in. I sat down beside him without a word, noticing it was a photo album from their childhood.

“I took it down from the attic,” Mikey explained before I could even question. “I think it was just after I heard he was leaving. It’s just strange to think it’s almost over.”

“It’s not over,” I comforted, noting the sombre tone of his voice. “It’s just changing. He’s still your brother, you’ll still see him.”

“I guess,” he shrugged. “But it’s still happening. I just don’t know what it’s going to be like saying goodbye.”

“Maybe,” I began with a smile, thinking back to when I was in this situation. “Maybe you should have a goodbye before the final one.”

“A goodbye before the final one?”

“Do something with him,” I countered. “Have a night where it’s just you and him.”

“He’ll be too busy,” Mikey muttered.

“Shut up,” I grinned. “Leave it to me."