Change

I finished my light makeup in the mirror, applying a tiny dab of lip gloss. I didn't want to put on too much makeup. For one, I didn't want Taylor to think I was trying to hard. Plus, it was sweltering outside, the rays from the sun threatening to melt my entire face off, let alone just my makeup. If the heat was going to make me look like a wax figure under a flame, I didn't need black mascara running everywhere, too. 

I took a deep breath, pulling my long brown hair up into a ponytail. I was not risking wearing my hair down just to look good. I absolutely could not stand the feeling of my hair clinging to my neck when I was sweating. I shuddered at the thought. I stared at myself for a minute in the mirror, before I decided to stop analyzing every inch of myself and just get up. I glanced at the clock; Taylor would be at my house any minute. I tried to calm my nerves, jogging down the stairs. 

Taylor and I were going to his neighbors birthday party. He was having a get together in his backyard, some sort of barbecue, Taylor had said, and he knew a few guys from the neighborhood who would also be there. He said the guy, Alex, had gone to our high school, but Taylor swore that he hadn't been a jerk like Taylor's other friends. Alex had been on the school hockey team, not the Spitfires, and didn't participate in the teasing. 

I couldn't have said no, even though I had desperately wanted to; he seemed so eager for me to meet his friends, and he swore that this guy was different. But I was terrified. 

The doorbell rang and I opened it before I could chicken out. My stomach fluttered as he smiled at me, his hands in his pockets. 

"Hey."

"Hey," I replied softly. I quickly bent over to pull on my shoes, nearly stumbling as I hopped on one foot. I gripped Taylor's arm for support, trying with no avail to ignore how strong and hard his muscles were. I blushed, thanking him with a giggle as I stood up straight. We stepped outside and Taylor waited as I locked the door. We started down the stone walkway. Taylor's hand slipped into mine, his fingers fitting into the spaces between my own perfectly. The familiar electricity that seemed to pass through me every time we touched shot from my fingertips to the rest of my body, and I felt my lips lifting up into a giddy smile. We reached the car and Taylor spun me around and pushed me against the car, his hands finding their way to my waist. He kissed me, gave me a grin, and opened the door for me. 

"You ready?" he asked as he sat down in the drivers' seat. I nodded, pulling my seat belt over my chest and buckling up. He pulled out and we were on our way.

***

Taylor pulled up in his driveway and I tried as hard as I could to calm down. You're fine, I reassured myself. I mean, if Taylor had invited me, that meant he trusted me, as well as his friends, right?

Taylor and I got out and headed across the lawn separating the two houses. We stepped up the few concrete stairs and Taylor rang the doorbell. He gave me a reassuring smile just before the door opened.

"Hey!" The man who answered the door looked vaguely familiar. His light brown hair was shaggy and he was tall, even taller than Taylor, and lanky. He had a tan, and his smile was friendly. 

"Hey, Alex, happy birthday, man." Taylor and Alex exchanged the typical male hug before turning to me. 

"Thanks, bro. And I assume this is the lady?" Alex's friendly grin immediately relaxed me.

"This is Ronnie," Taylor introduced. I smiled and shook Alex's outstretched hand. 

"Hi, Ronnie," Alex said cheerfully.

"Hi," I replied, before adding timidly, "Happy birthday." 

"Thank you," he smiled. He squinted at my face and I stared back, trying, for the life of me, to remember if we had had classes together. My thoughts flew back to grade 11, science class, and I snapped my fingers in realization.

"We were lab partners in grade 11," I said. Alex let out a grunt of approved recognition. I smiled, thinking he really had no idea how good a memory that was for me. It was before Belle, and I had known no one in the class, and Alex had offered to be my partner. I had been wary at first, knowing he was a jock, but he had turned out to be nice. We didn't become best friends or any other cheesy movie story like that, but it had been a nice gesture. You know those people who aren't really your friends, but you respect them because they've been nothing but friendly? Alex was one of those. He hung out with the football team at lunch, so he had never been with Taylor and his friends. I assumed they had become friends through class, their hockey connection, and the fact that they were neighbors. 

Alex gestured for us to step in. He closed the door behind us and led the way to the screen door at the back of the house, from which could be heard laughing and music. 

Taylor touched my arm for me to slow down. He turned to me quickly and murmured, "See? It's okay. Let's have fun." He seemed pleasantly surprised at my interaction with Alex, and I couldn't help but smile.

I rolled my eyes. "Okay. Fun," I repeated. He grinned and grabbed my hand, pulling me down the hall and out the open door. We stepped into the golden sunlight and I welcomed it. There were a few guys and girls in the pool, some sitting on chairs by the table, and a few guys were grouped around the grill. There was a table laid out beside the grill with food and buns for the hamburgers and hot dogs. 

"Do you know anyone?" I whispered to Taylor. He had let go of my hand as soon as we stepped outside, and I hadn't thought much about the action. Guys were always less touchy-feely in front of their friends. But as I glanced around, the silence lingered, and I turned to find Taylor's face looking incredibly worried. I stared at him, the look on his face worrying me, too. "Taylor?"

"I'm sorry," was all he managed before a group of guys came up to us. I turned to look at them, my stomach falling as I recognized most of the group. 

My tormentors from that wonderful jail called high school. 

My eyes immediately fell to the concrete. I winced as thoughts and memories and words flooded my brain alongside the recognition of each man.

Josh, the one who, alongside Taylor, had been the main instigator. Luke, the one who always glared. Adam, the one who snickered. And James, the one who might have hurt me the most, standing by and doing nothing. I took in a sharp breath.  

The boys were talking and I listened, glancing around, looking anywhere but their eyes. Did they even recognize me?

"Is this your girl?" my ears perked up and I slowly turned to the group. I rolled my shoulders back and stood up straighter. We all turned to Taylor, waiting for his response.

"This is Ronnie," came Taylor's simple reply. I wasn't sure how to act towards that response. It kind of hurt that he ignored the question, but then again, what were we, exactly? Was I his girl?

"Ronnie..." Josh snapped his fingers and I instantly grew nervous. "Didn't you go to high school with us?" And there it was.

I gave him a weak smile. "Yep."

It was Adam's turn to speak up. "Ronnie Penner, right?"

I debated lying, then nodded slowly. And then, all at once, the questions and comments started flowing.

"Is this the virgin lady who barely spoke?" Luke asked.

"Isn't she the nerd who always knew the answers?"

"She used to be fat, what happened?"

"Yeah, man, good lookin' out. She got hot."

My cheeks were burning as their words stung me. And, what was worse... Taylor simply said, "Yeah, that's her."

***

I hurried down the walk ahead of Taylor. He unlocked the car and I stepped in, closing the door with a bang. He hesitated before walking around the front and getting in the drivers' side. As soon as the door closed, he turned to me.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know they would be there, I swear."

I avoided his eyes and shrugged, trying to hold back my tears. I didn't want to look at him, for fear he'd see the water brimming behind my eyelids. I didn't want his pity. "It's fine," I said, my voice cracking. I mentally swore at myself, squeezing my eyes shut. A tear slid through, and I hastily brushed it away. 

"No, it's not." Taylor swore under his breath. "You know I wouldn't have brought you here if I had known they'd be here." He paused, and my insides began to turn. He thought that's why I was upset? "They haven't changed," he added a moment later.

I let out a frustrated sigh. "Just take me home, please."

"Vee-"

"Please."

He hesitated, let out a sigh, and turned on the car. We drove to my house in complete silence. My forehead rested against the window, and I tried my best to fight back tears. 

After the trip down my haunted memory lane, Taylor had excused us. I had asked to go to the bathroom, sat on the toilet and cried. When I came out, I told Taylor I was sick. I knew he knew I was lying, but I had had to get out of there. He had excused us, wished Alex another happy birthday, and we had left.

We pulled up to my house and as I hastily unbuckled my seat belt, Taylor's hand caught my arm. I fell back against the seat and sighed. 

"Ronnie," Taylor pleaded. When he seemed certain I wouldn't go, he let go of my arm. "Look at me."

I glanced at him, then back down at my hands. "What?"

"You know I wouldn't purposely hurt you like that."

I chewed my lip and sighed angrily. "It's not about the fact that they were there, Taylor."

"Well then-"

"You didn't stick up for me."

"I didn't know what to say."

I looked up towards my house, wanting nothing more than to be out of this car. "Well, do you know what to say now? Before I leave?"

Taylor was silent. I noticed him rubbing his forehead out of the corner of my eye. "You know I'm going to Detroit for a few days. I don't want to leave it like this."

"Leave what, Taylor?" I exclaimed. I met his eyes. "What is this? What are we doing?" Taylor looked away, resting his head against the headrest. He didn't answer, and I nodded bitterly. "Seems you don't know what to say, yet again. Goodbye, Taylor." I got out of the car, tears now streaming freely down my cheeks. I fumbled with the key, my vision blurry, finally opening it and pushing the door open. I slammed it behind me, locked it, rushed into the living room and fell onto the couch. My silent tears continued to fall as I listened to the sound of a car engine get farther and farther away from me.