Change

I listened to my cell phone ring for about the eleventh time that evening - not that I had counted - and, yet again, I let it ring through to the voice mail. I knew who it was, or at least I had a pretty good idea. The first few calls had been from Taylor... The guy was clearly persistent.

And as much as I wanted to say it was easy to ignore the phone, it really wasn't. I wanted to answer, listen to his explanation, and forgive him. But then I would think about what had been said, or, rather, what had been left unsaid, and my heart ached. I lay flat on my back on my bed, staring at the ceiling. The ringing stopped, and the silence that followed was deafening. It produced a whole new set of tears. I closed my eyes, but all I could see was the dazzling blue of Taylor's eyes, squinted and with a wide smile as he laughed. I opened my eyes and stared at the ceiling... Anything to get my mind off of him. Too bad it wasn't really working.

About a half hour later, I heard the doorbell ring. My parents had arrived home an hour or so earlier, and I had told them I had a headache so I was lying down. I listened as my mom's footsteps approached the door downstairs. I strained to hear as the door squeaked open, and I nearly did a double take as I heard a familiar voice.

"Hi, Mrs. Penner. How are you?" I sat up straight, lifted myself off the bed, and creaked the door open enough to hear clearly what was being said.

"... And how are you?" my mom asked, finishing up the tale of her day.

"I'm good," Taylor replied. "Is Ronnie home?" I loved the way he said my name, and I hated that I did.

"Yes!" my mom replied cheerfully. "She's lying down with a headache right now, but I'll go see what I can do."

I quickly tiptoed back to my bed and lay down, slinging my arm over my eyes for extra effect. My door creaked open moments later.

"Veronica, honey?" I grunted in response. "Taylor's here." She paused, and I think she was expecting me to react. When I didn't, she continued, "Do you want me to tell him to come back later?"

"Just tell him I'll..." I racked my brain. "Tell him I'll call him," I said, even though I had no intention of doing so.

"Okay," my mom said. She left the room, leaving the door open, enough for me to be able to hear. I removed my arm and let out a sigh as I heard her pad down the stairs. "She's really not feeling well," my mom informed him. "She said she'll call you later."

Taylor hesitated. "Could you remind her that I'm going to Detroit tomorrow? And tell her I'm sorry." My heart ached. I wanted nothing more than to run down those stairs and tell him I forgave him. But I stayed put.

"No problem, honey."

"Thanks, Mrs. Penner." The door opened and then closed. I heard the stairs squeak again, and I braced myself for my inquiring mother. My door creaked open, and I continued to stare at the ceiling.

"Ronnie?"

"Hm?" I felt the edge of my bed sit down and I sat up with a sigh, crossing my arms over my chest.

"Taylor told me to tell you he's sorry."

I nodded, leaning back against the wall, trying to act non-chalant. I felt her eyes on me, and I tried to keep my face straight. "Okay, thanks," I finally said after a few moments of silence.

My mom hesitated before asking, "Is everything alright?"

I tried to hold back an irritated sigh. "Yes," I tried to assure her. I met her concerned eyes and raised my eyebrows. "Yes," I said again. "Everything's fine, mom." I looked away, and I mentally hit myself as a sigh slipped through my lips anyway. It was silent again.

"Okay," my mom finally spoke up as she lifted herself off of the bed. "But honey?"

I glanced up to meet her eyes. "Yeah?"

"He seems like a really good guy. He seemed genuinely sorry for whatever is going on, and I really think you should consider forgiving him, unless what he did is completely unforgivable." She paused. "From what I know, and you can take this or leave it... Boys can be stupid, but they don't generally show up at your door unless they really care about you." She patted my knee and headed out the door, closing it softly behind her with a click.

***

Taylor was gone to Detroit for three days. I spent those days working at the store, watching movies, and swimming. I tried everything I could to get him out of my head, and it really wasn't working. This guy had reeled me in tight, and I was struggling to break free. I couldn't help but wonder if I, like a fish on a line, would eventually give up trying to get away and just succumb to what I felt. All I knew was that at the moment, I was flailing around, fins in the air, trying desperately to get away from the hook that was Taylor Hall.

What my mom had said was stuck in my head. I knew what she had said was true... If Taylor didn't care about me, he would have just left me alone. But that didn't change the fact that he had hurt me. I mean, it wasn't even what they had said to me that was upsetting me. Taylor hadn't stood up for me, at all.

"That's her," was all he had said.

Her. It was as if he was confirming what they said.

Yeah, that's the ugly, fat, nerd from high school.

That's what hurt the most.

I lay on my back on a raft in the pool, staring up at the blue sky. The sound of birds chirping and landing in trees around me was comforting, as was the lapping of water against the side of the pool.

I couldn't even understand why this was upsetting me so much. Taylor and I had kissed, yeah, and he had told me he liked me, but did that even mean anything? He had probably been looking to 'score', to have some fun on his vacation, and then leave me, with my heart broken while his was completely intact, to go back to Edmonton. And that was another thing. He was going back to Edmonton, and so this was probably for the best, anyway. At least that's what I tried to convince myself. But I couldn't help the fact that, within three weeks, I had fallen completely too hard for the hockey superstar.

I heard the screen door open, and I didn't bother to look. My mom was home for a while, and so I wasn't worried. But as the door shut and I heard someone say my name, I knew it definitely wasn't my mother.

"Vee?"

I sat up straight, forgetting where I was, sending me flying off the raft and into the pool. I pushed myself off the bottom and surfaced with a splash, spitting out water and gasping for air. I pushed my hair out of my eyes and opened them, looking up into Taylor's amused eyes. He wasn't supposed to be home until the next day. He was squatted by the side of the pool now. He seemed to be trying to hold back laughter, as though he wasn't sure if I'd be even more mad at him. We stared at one another, and I tried to keep my face serious, but as his eyes drifted up to my hair, I couldn't hide my smile. I let out a giggle and tried my best to fix my hair. Taylor joined in my laughter, and when we settled down, I approached him slowly. He kicked off his man-flops and placed his hands behind him on the pavement, bringing his legs out from under him and putting them in the water. He gazed at me as I stopped in front of him, and he gave me a slight smile.

"I'm so sorry," he finally spoke.

I sighed, looking away from him and letting my hands trail the water. "Yeah."

"If I try to explain, will you listen?"

"You should tell me how you got in here first before I call the police." I raised my eyebrows.

Taylor laughed and pointed his thumb over his shoulder towards the house. "Your mom let me in."

I nodded. "Ah. She sure likes you."

"And you don't?" Taylor joked. His face grew serious as I chewed my lip and looked down at the water, all signs of kidding around fading as quickly as they had surfaced. "I'm sorry," he repeated. "I didn't know what to say. I haven't talked to those guys in so long, and..." He crossed his arms over his chest. "What would have been the right thing to say?"

I thought about it. I didn't really know what I had expected him to say, I had just wanted him to say something while his old friends were attacking me. "I don't know. Maybe something along the lines of 'we were all jerks back then, I see you haven't changed one bit'? They said some pretty nasty things, Taylor. You could have at least said something about how things are different now." I sighed, frustrated. "I mean, you said 'that's her', as if saying, 'yeah, that's the ugly fat girl from high school, yeah you're right, she looks better now, that's why I like her'. I mean, it makes me feel like you only like me because I'm 'hot' now, and you didn't like me back then because I wasn't. Do you know how much of a jerk that makes you? If that's true, Taylor, then I-"

"Ronnie," Taylor interrupted. I met his eyes for a brief moment, and he shook his head. He leaned forward. "I swear. I was a jerk back then, okay? Even if you weren't the prettiest girl in school, if I had taken the time to get to know you, I would have seen that those other girls weren't real. They hid behind makeup and whatever," he shrugged, "And I can't change what happened back then. You're beautiful, yeah, but that's not the only reason I like you. I mean, your personality is what makes me like you, and it makes you even prettier. Look..." he sighed. "I suck at these big speech things. I like you Ronnie, because I like how loud your laugh is, and I like that when you're nervous you always pull your hair behind your ear. You have great taste in cars," I smiled slightly at that and he continued, "You do that stupid thing where you bite your lip when you're upset, and you think I can't tell. I swear, Ronnie, I will go up to all of those guys and tell them off-"

I had been slowly approaching Taylor as he spoke, and I cut off his sentence by standing on my tiptoes and kissing him. I was in the shallow end, and so it was easy to reach him. I pulled away, blushing, and tucked my hair behind my ear. Taylor watched, an amused smile on his face.

"You did the hair thing. Why are you nervous?"

I blushed even harder and shrugged. He grinned. He pulled off his shirt and I watched with open eyes as his bare chest, wide shoulders, and flat stomach were revealed to me. He had a nice, light tan, and he wasn't completely jacked, which made him even more attractive to me. His arms were huge, which I had seen through his shirts, but seeing them bare was... lovely, to say the least. He slipped into the pool in his shorts and waded towards me. I immediately felt self conscious, and I tugged down on my two-piece bathing suit to cover my stomach.

"Like I said, you're beautiful, Ronnie." Taylor's voice interrupted my thoughts. He glanced at my hand, which was still resting on my suit, his face serious but gentle. "You look beautiful," he repeated. His eyes drifted back up to my face, then to my hair. He smirked. "Even with your hair stuck up everywhere."

"What?" My hand flew up to fix my hair and Taylor laughed.

"Kidding." I made a face. My stomach flopped around as Taylor's hand found my chin, tilting it up so he could kiss me. He rested his forehead against mine and wrapped his arms around my waist. "Are we okay?"

I nodded, letting out a sigh. Taylor lifted his head and pulled me into his chest. His skin was warm, and my head rested in the crook of his neck. "Yeah, we're good. But don't start anything with those guys, okay? You don't need to."

"I will, if I have to."

I nodded. "Okay." We stayed like that for a while. I didn't want to ruin the moment, but the lingering question rattled around in my head. I couldn't stop myself from pulling away from him and blurting it out. "What does this mean?" I paused. "Like, what are we? I know guys hate labels or whatever but..."

"I'd like to think that this is a relationship," Taylor said, his eyes searching mine. My eyes widened and he added, "You know, that we're... together."

"Is that what you want?"

"Is that what you want?"

I shrugged slightly. "Well, yeah, if it's what you want..."

Taylor laughed gently. "Yes, Vee, it's what I want. If it's what you want, too."

"It is," I said quietly.

"Okay then," Taylor grinned. He shook his head at me, laughing, and I smiled sheepishly. He kissed me again, and my body buzzed. There were no more questions to be answered, and I felt a huge weight lifted off my shoulders.

Hey, I'm Veronica Penner. Ronnie for short. Also known as Taylor Hall's girlfriend.