Change

I lay flat on my bed, trying to breathe normally. My thoughts were jumbled, and I didn't know how to think clearly. I couldn't believe that had just happened.

What had I been thinking? What was he thinking?

My heart began to race as my mind flew back to the scene that had happened only an hour or so before.

Taylor and I sat in the back of his dad's pickup truck, our backs against the side of it. We had driven to a remote place somewhere just outside of Windsor that wrapped around the lake, and due to the clear sky, every star was visible. I was sitting between Taylor's legs, and had my knees pulled up to my chest. My head was resting in his neck, and his arms were wrapped firmly around my waist. We had been talking for a while, but content silence had taken over for a few minutes.

"Ronnie." Taylor's lips moving against my neck sent shivers up and down my spine.

"Hm?" I tried to keep my voice steady.

Taylor rested his chin on my shoulder before whispering, "I like you." He paused, kissing my neck again, and then my shoulder. "A lot."

I bit my lip. I pried myself out of his grasp, so that I was sitting beside him, with my legs over top of his, and my back against the cab of the truck. I gazed up at him. "I like you a lot, too."

Taylor reached for my hand and with one easy pull, he had me back up on his lap, sideways. I laughed and wrapped my arms around his neck, while he wrapped his back around my waist. He smiled at me and I smiled back, leaning forward to kiss him gently. When we pulled apart, I wrapped my fingers in the hair at the back of his head, gently massaging his scalp with my fingers. Taylor mumbled something along the lines of "Mm" and buried his face in my neck. We stayed like that for a moment before his lips traced up and down my neck, up to my jawline and back down to my shoulder. I shivered involuntarily, and felt Taylor smile against my skin. I closed my eyes, only to reopen them as Taylor gently laid me down on the bed of the truck. He pressed his body slowly on top of mine, distributing his weight, and my body felt like it was on fire. His hand brushed my hair away from my neck and he placed kisses on both sides before placing a firm one to my lips. I pulled him as close to me as I could, my hands still in his hair, and kissed him as hard as I could. Our kisses became more urgent, but still slow.

Taylor's fingers flew to the hem of my shirt, and as his fingers brushed along my skin, I felt electric shocks shoot through me. He pushed my shirt up and slowly moved himself down so that in one quick motion, his lips were on my stomach.

"You're beautiful," he murmured. In that moment, I felt like he meant it. Like it didn't matter that I wasn't a size zero.

Taylor's fingers continued to push my shirt further up and I felt the light breeze on my stomach. His lips followed the trail of his fingers, and through the overwhelming sensation I was feeling, a warning siren began to sound.

I couldn't do this. He was leaving in a few weeks to go back to Edmonton to train for the season, and who knew when his first trip back would be. I knew this was going to end, and I wasn't going to let it end like this. I was just a summer fling for him, and I had known it wasn't going to last. I wasn't going to give him this. I couldn't.

"Taylor."

He mumbled something incoherent against my skin, sending a whole new shockwave throughout my system. I tried again.

"Taylor."

He hesitated, and then pulled himself up to look at me. "Yeah?" I searched his eyes, and I could tell he was trying to stay calm with my interruption.

I slowly pulled myself up, pulling my shirt down in the process. Taylor sat up, too, and the look on his face said it all. "Um," I said, my mind a blank. "Sorry, I..." Taylor stayed silent. He ran his hand through his hair, and I slid closer to him. "I like you, Taylor, I do..." I sighed, looking down at my hands. "But I-"

"Do you think I'm lying about liking you back?"

I shook my head. "No, I-"

"It's fine." Something in his voice made me sure it was anything but.

"I know you're a guy and you have... needs, or whatever, but this... us..." I bit my lip. "It's not going to last forever. You have somewhere to be after the summer, and I can't... I'm not just giving this up for a summer fling. I just..." I lowered my voice to a whisper. "I can't. I know you don't understand, but-"

"It's not like you're giving me a chance to."

His tone was harsh, and I was taken aback. I didn't say anything, and Taylor stood up. He hopped over the side of the truck and I stayed there for a moment, stunned, before slowly making my way off the back of the truck and to the passenger side, where I was about to sit in awkward silence the entire way home.

I closed my eyes, allowing a small tear to slip through. I couldn't believe everything had gone downhill so fast. I mean, I had just met his parents, and that had gone incredibly well...

If I was being honest with myself, it wouldn't have been a far shot to say that I was falling in love with Taylor. Had I just screwed everything up?