Change

I headed downstairs later that night after Taylor had left, my mind focused on what I could have for my bedtime snack. I took the last step, glancing into the living room as I saw my parents. I stuck my head in, asked what movie they were watching, decided I wasn't interested, and moved on to the kitchen. I had grabbed an apple and peanut butter and was about to say a hasty goodnight when my dad called me into the room.

"What's up?" I stuck my pinky in the peanut butter and licked it off.

"We wanted to talk to you, honey."

Uh oh. I had been avoiding them like the plague since they came home from work that afternoon, in hopes of letting things settle from our last university conversation the night before.

I sighed and sat down on the arm of the couch. I was far enough away from either of them that I couldn't do damage if they were really going to talk about what I thought they were going to talk about.

"We were looking at the University here, in Windsor," my mother began. I tried not to roll my eyes, stifling a sigh.

My father continued, "And they have the same programs to offer here. We've looked into transfers, and we've even talked to the person in charge of that department. She just needs consent from you, and-"

I stood up abruptly, causing him to stop mid-speech. I stared at him with wide eyes, my blood boiling. I wasn't sure if I should laugh or scream. "How dare," I said through gritted teeth, trying to keep my tone even. I was angry, and I felt betrayed, but I needed to get my point across. "How dare you do that without my permission. I'm going to university in Thunder Bay," I nearly hissed. My mom looked like she was about to speak, but I continued, "I can't believe you guys."

My dad stood up. "Honey, we just know what's best for you, even if you can't see that right now. We-

"Stop!" I cried, my voice breaking. I looked between the both of them in disbelief. With each passing second, my frustration levels rose further and further. "I'm 19, for crying out loud! I'm happy where I am. Don't you dare," I repeated, the bowl with peanut butter threatening to fall from my shaking hands onto the floor, "Try and control my life."

"You're being selfish," my mom said in a quiet but firm tone.

I turned to her, my jaw dropping. I jabbed a finger towards myself. "I'm being selfish? Are you blind?" I shook my head in disbelief. My voice was raised, and I felt angry, frustrated tears welling up, as if they were being pushed to the top by the emotion building in my chest. I glared at them, placing my plate on the arm of the chair and storming out of the room. They didn't even bother coming after me. I grabbed my car keys and slammed the front door. I violently yanked open my car door and threw myself inside.

I knew it wasn't safe, but I sped as fast as I could. I just needed to get away from my house. I knew exactly where I was going.

I neared the street and I felt a sense of relief overwhelm me. My eyes blurred as I pulled to a stop outside of the house. I rested my forehead on the steering wheel, staring blankly in front of me until the tears slowly beginning to trickle down my cheeks. I sat there and I cried silently in the dark shadows of the street. I didn't sob and the complete show of waterworks wasn't on... I simply cried slow, silent tears, until I calmed down enough to get out of the car.

I hastily walked up the front steps, locking my car on the way. I took a deep breath before knocking.

I fiddled with the keys in my hands as I waited. I heard footsteps approaching from behind the wooden door, and my heart rate skyrocketed.

The front door opened, and Taylor appeared. He looked at me, surprised. He analyzed my face before frowning concernedly. We stared at one another for a moment before he pulled the door open and let me step inside.

I walked over and stood by the stairs, my head down and my arms crossed. Taylor shut the door. I felt his eyes on me, and I could hear the silent question he was posing. I slowly met his eyes, and my hand covered my face as a tear slipped out. I tried to control myself, but it was no use. The remaining tears fell, and my shoulders began to shake uncontrollably.

I heard Taylor's feet step quickly across the wooden floor. His hand gently caught my wrist and he pulled my hand from my face. He held onto my wrist. His eyes were full of concern.

"Ronnie," he said, his eyes searching mine. "What's up?"

I breathed in a shaky breath. "It's stupid," I laughed bitterly. His free hand found it's way to my neck, his fingers gently brushing under my hair and behind my ear. I jumped slightly and shivered at his touch, my wide eyes shooting up to his, the tears still quietly falling. I stared at him as he brushed away a few of my remaining tears with his thumb, his fingers then trailing up to my forehead, where he gently brushed my hair out of my eyes. Then, just as soon as he'd been touching me, his hands fell. He looked at me for a moment before he headed into the living room, motioning for me to follow. I stood there for a minute, my skin tingling where he had just been touching me.

I finally made my way into the room where he was now seated on the couch. I sat beside him, but far enough away that there was nearly a person's length between us. We were both silent until I quietly spoke.

"They actually made plans for me to transfer here, without my permission."

Taylor looked at me, surprised. "Your parents?" I nodded, leaning back against the couch. Taylor was silent for a moment before he simply said, "Wow."

I let out a heavy sigh. "I don't know why they're bringing it up and enforcing it right now. Maybe it's because it's the first time I've been home since Christmas? And at Christmas, they didn't want to ruin 'happy time'? Or maybe they assumed I'd 'come to my senses' and want to move home after a year." I felt frustration building in my chest again, and I hit the armrest with my balled up fist. "Ugh! And you wanna know what my mom said?" I laughed bitterly. "She said I was being selfish. Me, Taylor. She said I was the selfish one."

Taylor shook his head, covering his jaw with his hand and rubbing it. "That's insane."

I nodded. I pulled my knees up to my chest, chewing on my bottom lip. "Am I?"

Taylor glanced at me. "What?"

"Am I selfish?"

Taylor sighed. He leaned back against the couch, at the same time moving closer to me. "No," he said firmly. I felt his eyes on me, and I met his gaze slowly. I ran a hand through my hair. The silence between us was awkward, which immediately made me regret going there in the first place. Taylor and I were friends now, yeah, but that didn't mean I could just dump my problems on him.

"Do you want to watch a movie or something?"

I smiled slightly and nodded, still feeling stupid for ranting to him. "Yeah."

About fifteen minutes into the movie, I wanted to stretch my legs, but I didn't, for fear of completely creeping Taylor out. He noticed me stretching them as far as they could go before they actually touched him, and he patted his knees as if to say 'put them here'. I did so tentatively, and as Taylor rested his arms on my legs, I felt like the complete definition of an oxymoron. The awkwardness between us was fading, and I had relaxed, yet my heart rate was going a mile a minute. Taylor's hand started gently rubbing my leg, and my heart's pace increased to about a mile a second. I looked at him, my cheeks flushed, but he didn't seem to notice.

I turned my attention back to the TV, resting my head sideways against the armrest. My eyes began to feel heavy with the weight of shed tears, and I found myself drifting off to sleep with the image of Taylor's clear blue eyes etched into my mind.

***

I woke up the next morning to sunlight streaming in from a window. I was disoriented, and it took me a moment to realize that the sunlight was coming from the wrong side. I sat up, looking around, completely confused. Then I saw the framed hockey jersey and awards on the shelf by the door and suddenly I knew exactly where I was.

I knew I was alone in the room. I felt somewhat stupid for doing so, but I pulled the sheets away, making sure I was still clothed. Every item of clothing was on me. I sighed and pulled the blanket up to my chin, closing my eyes. I inhaled a whiff of clean, boy-ish scent, immediately recognizing it as Taylor's. My eyes opened and for a moment, I sat there, letting my stomach do whatever it was doing in reaction to Taylor's smell, before it became too much and I threw the blankets off. I stood up and padded to the door, my mind spinning.

This was way too weird. Talking to Taylor about my parents, watching a movie, falling asleep and ending up in his bed? This new relationship was starting to freak me out.

At first I thought that I should have waited until Belle arrived home the next day, but then I remembered it wouldn't have made a difference. She didn't get it. Taylor... Did. Or at least he seemed to. He didn't have to say much, but I knew he was listening. And for some reason, I felt like he understood. Belle just didn't.

Taylor Hall and I were getting closer and closer, and the thought was completely freaking me out.

I opened the door and tiptoed down the stairs. I heard light breathing and glanced into the room with the couch where we had watched the movie the night before. Taylor's blonde hair poked out over the top, and his arm was hanging over the side of the couch. I watched him sleeping for a moment before I quietly put on my shoes and headed out the door.