Change

My phone rang for the second time that day, and I glanced at the caller ID, thinking I knew who it was. I was surprised to see it was Belle calling, and I picked it up.

"Hi!"

She laughed. "Hey!"

"What's up?"

"I'm coming over. We're having a girls night. Popcorn, sappy movies, nail painting, the whole deal."

"Okay... But why?"

"Cause I feel like it."

"Okay," I laughed. "See you whenever."

We hung up and I had just put my phone away when it rang again. I expected it to be Belle again with something she forgot to tell me, and so I picked it up right away.

"Yeah?"

"Veronica?"

I winced. "Hi, Taylor." It was silent, and I began again, "Look. This morning-"

"It's fine. I just wanted you to know what happened last night."

"Something happened?" I began to panic. 

"No," Taylor said hastily. "That's my point."

"Oh. Well, then... I know."

Taylor was quiet. "Okay," he said after a moment. He sounded disappointed.

"Um," I cleared my throat, "Gotta go." 

"Okay." Taylor's voice was monotone. He hung up without a goodbye. 

I sighed, setting my phone down and lifting myself up onto the counter. I ran a hand through my hair. 

I couldn't control how I dealt with things. I was scared of my newfound friendship with Taylor, and so I had run and avoided his call this morning. In fact, I wasn't sure if I would have answered his second call if I had known it was him calling. You'd think a 19-year old girl could deal with her problems better than that.

But was Taylor even really a problem? Or was the problem me?

***

Belle and I sat in my living room later that evening, watching 'A Walk to Remember'. I had been able to go through the majority of the night so far without many Taylor distractions since we had been painting each others' nails while Belle told me even more stories about boys in university. But now that the movie was on, I was left to my own thoughts. And all I could think about was that stupid boy and his beautiful blue eyes that lit up when he smiled. 

Belle seemed to notice my far-away state when I didn't 'aw' at a certain part I was supposed to. She glanced at me, saw I wasn't paying attention, and called me out for it. 

"Hello? Ronnie? Anyone home?" She snapped her fingers in front of my face and I turned to her.

"Yeah... What?"

"You're so not into this. Want to watch like a comedy or something?"

I chewed my lip, debating whether or not to lie to my best friend.

"I think I'm starting to like Taylor."

I guess I was going the truthful route.

Belle squealed. She sat up straight and paused the movie, turning to me with wide and excited eyes.

"Did he kiss you?"

It was my turn to be surprised. "What?" I shook my head. Butterflies stormed my stomach at the thought. "Nothing like that. We've just been spending time together, and..."

"And you've fallen madly in love?" 

I threw a pillow at her, which she caught, laughing. "Too many movies, my friend." I shook my head, playing with a thread on my pajamas. "He's just... We started talking about things and he's fun to be around and he's nice and we watched a movie and I fell asleep and I woke up in his bed..." I glared at Belle before she could even speak. "He carried me there and slept on the couch. Then I woke up and left and then ignored his phone call and-"

"Whoa." Belle held up her hands, stopping me mid-speech. "You left? And ignored his phone calls? After, let me get this straight... No kissing, no cuddling, nothing?" She shook her head. "Explain this to me, girl, cause I'm confused."

I sighed. "I don't know... It's weird, B. Taylor Hall? What am I doing?"

Belle groaned. "If this is because of high school, I'll slap you. I swear..."

I shrugged. "How do you know he's really changed, Belle? Isn't there some psychological theory that talks about people never being able to change who they once were?" Okay, so that was completely false.

"Um, no," Belle gave me a look. "It's the exact opposite, actually." I opened my mouth to protest but she cut me off. "Don't play dumb. You're studying sociology, you dummy. You of all people know that was a complete lie."

I glared at her before letting out a reluctant sigh. "Fine. But it still doesn't change the fact that I'm scared out of my mind."

Belle nodded. "Stop being so hard on yourself. You have the right to be cautious, but don't let it get in your way, okay? Taylor seems to have turned into a great - not to mention hot -" I rolled my eyes, "guy. Just go with it, okay?"

I nodded, knowing she was right.

"So can we watch this sappy romance movie now?" she asked innocently. I laughed and she pressed play. I spent the rest of the night figuring out how to explain myself to Taylor.

***

I nervously wrung my hands as I sat in the diner. I clasped my hands together on the table, my knees bouncing up and down. I twiddled my thumbs before nervously bringing them back into my lap and tugging gently on the checkered table cloth. The bell above the diner door sounded, and I froze. I heard footsteps and waited. As they approached me, I took a deep breath. I stared down at my lap until someone slid into the booth across from me.

My eyes flew up to meet Taylor's. He looked... mad, almost. Or disappointed. Or both. 

"Hi," I said weakly.

"Hi," he responded. We stared at one another and he let out a sigh, settling back into the seat.

My eyes flew back to the table, tracing the red and white pattern, trying not to think about the look on his face. I cleared my throat. "Okay, well, um. I wanted to talk to you, about... you know, two days ago. When we-"

"Yeah, when you fell asleep and I didn't want to wake you so I put you in my bed."

I sucked in a breath. His words sounded hard, and obvious, as though I had completely overreacted. Which I had.

"Taylor," I said defensively, without meaning to. "I'm sorry. It was just freaking me out, okay?"

"What, that I care about you?" I stared at him, my mouth falling open a bit at his words. Something like a buzzing electric current shot through me. I inhaled, trying to clear my thoughts. "Come on, Ronnie. We're friends now, aren't we?" I nodded and he continued, "I hurt you enough before, okay? I don't know how to make you believe that I won't do it again."

I was about to speak when the waitress, who's name tag read Olivia, stopped at our table. I was grateful that it wasn't the one who had served us before. She took our orders - a strawberry milkshake for me, and a chocolate one for Taylor - and headed off. 

"Taylor," I said softly, my frustration having settled down in the few moments it took our milkshakes to be ordered. It also probably had something to do with the fact that Taylor had outright told me he cared about me. He hadn't said he liked me or enjoyed spending time with me... He cared about me. For some reason, his choice of words instantly calmed me. It was like he had finally found the right key to the lock. I wasn't worried anymore. "I can't..." I tried again. "You're doing good," I said. His eyes lifted to meet mine, and I began again. "You've been nothing but great, okay? It's just... Weird. Because I care about you, too-" he smiled, "and it'll just take some getting used to. I'm sorry."

Taylor nodded. He smiled again, and I relaxed. "So we're good?"

I nodded, returning his smile. "We're good." I paused. "Also, I guess I should thank you for bringing me to your bed." I cringed at my words, heat rising to my cheeks. Taylor burst out laughing, and I joined him. I swatted at his arm, which was testing on the table. "You know what I meant!"

Taylor grinned. "Yeah. No problem. You looked so..." he broke eye contact for a moment, "peaceful." He met my eyes again. "I couldn't wake you up."

I looked down at the table as Olivia brought over our milkshakes. We thanked her and I took a sip of mine. "Mm."

Taylor nodded his agreement. I looked down at the cold, pink dessert, swirling my straw around in the glass. 

"Taylor?" I looked at him. He raised an eyebrow. "I won't... I won't run away again. I promise." He smiled, and held up his glass. I clinked mine against his, smiling.

I wasn't lying. I wouldn't run away from my newfound relationship with Taylor, or my parents. I had fixed things with Taylor, and they were going to stay that way. Now I just had to work on the second part. 

No more running, I vowed. Face your fears and stand up for yourself.