Status: Active Like Life:)
I Tried
Choices
I stood at the end of the Pier and looked out over the water, my vision hazy. I wanted to scratch at my skin. I wanted to get rid of this dirty feeling somehow. But, I couldn’t, and self-harm wouldn’t help anything. It'd only make my brother ask more questions than he already was going to bombard me with.
I shivered slightly as the cool night air touched my bare skin. Goose bumps rose over my skin. I was used to the heat of New York City, where the building allowed no air, especially where I lived.
"Juli?" I heard his familiar voice whisper. I took a deep breath and turned, my blonde hair framing my face. "Why-Where…" He couldn't decide what to say first. I looked at the picture I had in my hands. Of Chesney when she started learning to write. I handed it to Jimmy.
"Who's this?" I let out a bitter laugh. As if it wasn't obvious.
"Chesney, my daughter." His eyes, exactly like mine, widened, and he looked at the picture with understanding.
"And Brian's too." I stiffened a bit. I didn’t think he'd catch on that quickly. "She's a perfect mix of Brian and you. C-Can I meet her?" I was a bit surprised. I thought he would ask if Brian knew first.
How was I supposed to answer that question? I didn’t even know where she was and Wyatt wasn’t going to tell me.
"Uh…" I started, uncertain of what to say.
"Wait, does Brian know?" I sighed in relief at his always-short attention span.
"Uh, no. He doesn't and it's going to stay that way," I said forcefully with a pointed look.
"Jules-"
"Jimmy, don't. This is was my decision. Brian doesn’t need to know. He's got someone who is good for him and I'm not going to ruin that for him. He deserves to be happy."
"He deserves the truth." I knew that, and that was my intention until I found out he was getting married. And I couldn’t tell him he had a daughter then turn around and tell him I didn’t know where she was.
"Jimmy, please?" He looked at me and his will crumbled.
"He'll recognize her." I shook my head.
"He's already seen her," I muttered, my gaze dropping to the wood slats of the Pier.
"O-Oh."
"I'm sorry," I whispered.
"Why? That's all I want to know, why?" His eyes held the faintest trace of tears.
"I-I was going to tell him, but he… he was so insecure. He wasn’t ready to raise a kid. He didn’t trust me. How was I supposed to raise a kid with him if he would always be second guessing me?" My gaze shifted to the sky, the stars.
"What do you mean?" he asked cocking his head to one side. "He loved you."
"He accused me of cheating, indirectly, the night of Prom where I was going to tell him."
"The night you ran away…" he trailed off slowly.
"I couldn’t stay here and let him know. I thought I'd come back sooner, but I got caught up in… life." Shame coated my body once more. I felt flushed. I'd hurt the one person who would always love me unconditionally, my brother. He laughed bitterly.
"Life more important than your family, friends?"
"No, nothing is more important. "
"Then why didn’t you come back?" he yelled. I flinched.
"I couldn't! I tried. I tried so hard, but I couldn’t!" I looked away. "He wouldn’t let me," I mumbled, nearly silent.
"What?" he asked, anger sparking in his ice blue eyes.
"I had a… job I was locked into and an apartment lease and so many other things that I couldn’t change." I took a deep breath. "I would have come back if I had a choice." He scoffed.
"There's always a choice, Kerri."
I shivered slightly as the cool night air touched my bare skin. Goose bumps rose over my skin. I was used to the heat of New York City, where the building allowed no air, especially where I lived.
"Juli?" I heard his familiar voice whisper. I took a deep breath and turned, my blonde hair framing my face. "Why-Where…" He couldn't decide what to say first. I looked at the picture I had in my hands. Of Chesney when she started learning to write. I handed it to Jimmy.
"Who's this?" I let out a bitter laugh. As if it wasn't obvious.
"Chesney, my daughter." His eyes, exactly like mine, widened, and he looked at the picture with understanding.
"And Brian's too." I stiffened a bit. I didn’t think he'd catch on that quickly. "She's a perfect mix of Brian and you. C-Can I meet her?" I was a bit surprised. I thought he would ask if Brian knew first.
How was I supposed to answer that question? I didn’t even know where she was and Wyatt wasn’t going to tell me.
"Uh…" I started, uncertain of what to say.
"Wait, does Brian know?" I sighed in relief at his always-short attention span.
"Uh, no. He doesn't and it's going to stay that way," I said forcefully with a pointed look.
"Jules-"
"Jimmy, don't. This is was my decision. Brian doesn’t need to know. He's got someone who is good for him and I'm not going to ruin that for him. He deserves to be happy."
"He deserves the truth." I knew that, and that was my intention until I found out he was getting married. And I couldn’t tell him he had a daughter then turn around and tell him I didn’t know where she was.
"Jimmy, please?" He looked at me and his will crumbled.
"He'll recognize her." I shook my head.
"He's already seen her," I muttered, my gaze dropping to the wood slats of the Pier.
"O-Oh."
"I'm sorry," I whispered.
"Why? That's all I want to know, why?" His eyes held the faintest trace of tears.
"I-I was going to tell him, but he… he was so insecure. He wasn’t ready to raise a kid. He didn’t trust me. How was I supposed to raise a kid with him if he would always be second guessing me?" My gaze shifted to the sky, the stars.
"What do you mean?" he asked cocking his head to one side. "He loved you."
"He accused me of cheating, indirectly, the night of Prom where I was going to tell him."
"The night you ran away…" he trailed off slowly.
"I couldn’t stay here and let him know. I thought I'd come back sooner, but I got caught up in… life." Shame coated my body once more. I felt flushed. I'd hurt the one person who would always love me unconditionally, my brother. He laughed bitterly.
"Life more important than your family, friends?"
"No, nothing is more important. "
"Then why didn’t you come back?" he yelled. I flinched.
"I couldn't! I tried. I tried so hard, but I couldn’t!" I looked away. "He wouldn’t let me," I mumbled, nearly silent.
"What?" he asked, anger sparking in his ice blue eyes.
"I had a… job I was locked into and an apartment lease and so many other things that I couldn’t change." I took a deep breath. "I would have come back if I had a choice." He scoffed.
"There's always a choice, Kerri."