Lemons to Lemonade

After leaving the studio, everything in my mind was cloudy and hazy. I had no idea what just happened. It seemed as if Nick was into Jordy and Jordy was into Nick, but that couldn’t have been true. I didn’t grill her as soon as we left even though I really wanted to because I needed to figure things out in my head, first. Jordy knew that I liked Nick and she wouldn’t betray me like that. On the other hand, Nick pretty much made it perfectly clear that he wasn’t interested me. I couldn’t decipher whether or not I was upset with Jordy. We had just gotten into a fight a few days before and I didn’t want to risk another outbreak, especially one over something as simple as a guy. How could she flirt with him like that in front of my face?

I tried to let the thought escape my mind, especially since my parents rented a car and decided that we should all drive to see Niagara Falls. The drive was relatively long and tiring. Jordy had her ear buds in and was listening to music and was dozing off on the other side of the car. I quietly picked up her iPod and double-clicked the ‘Home’ button to see what song she was listening to: When I Look Into Your Eyes by The Jonas Brothers, shocking. I scoffed to myself before looking outside of my window. I didn’t cry, I couldn’t cry, I wanted to cry, but something inside of me just wouldn’t let me. I controlled my emotions and just turned to look at Jordy.

Jordy was roughly the same height as me, but built differently. She had a long, lean, tiny waist that met at her full bottom, the result of years playing varsity volleyball and being a competitive cheerleader. She had short hair cut into a bob to complement her round face, which consisted of her large, brown eyes, button nose, and white smile. She was attractive but not much to look at. From a personality standpoint, I could see what Nick saw in her. She was very intelligent and levelheaded with a witty, sarcastic sense of humor. The way she was able to interpret that song on the spur of the moment was mind-blowing. ‘They would make a good couple, ‘I thought. I closed my eyes, rested my head back, and slouched down in my seat.

I felt a slight shake of my shoulder half an hour later. I must have dozed off for the rest of the drive. I looked up over at Jordy who woke me up.

“Come on, sleepyhead,” she started, beaming with a smile, “shake and bake.”

I yawned through clenched eyes and got out of the car. Placing my hands in the small of my back, I bent straight backwards to crack back before twisting my torso wildly to both sides.

“Seriously?” I looked out the view that was breathtaking but not worth the drive. “Is that it?”

“Well, look that’s Canada,” my mom said point off in the distance.

“Do you guys have your passport? Why not hop the border and go to Canada?” My dad suggested impulsively.
“Oh, dear,” I mumbled before retreating back into the rental car.

Jordy followed at my heels and got in the car on the other side. “What’s wrong?” she started. “This place is actually pretty cool. It looks like there’s a tour going on over there and people swimming or white-water rafting or something.”

“Do you like Nick?” I blurted.

“What?”

“The looks you were giving each other and that whole bit about the music video idea, what was that? You know I like him.”

“What you just said: looks and an idea. Nick was just talking to me. I simply responded.”

“You guys were ogling each other!”

Jordy remained silently.

“Just tell me, “ I started. “Do you like him?”

Jordy exhaled deeply before responding, “I find him to be extremely attractive and I admire his artistic talents.”

“So you do.”

“A little,” Jordy nodded before quickly adding. “But I’m not going to go for it. You saw him first. You’ve talked to him more than I have and I know you have a thing for him so I promise I won’t do anything. If Nick pursues me, then we’ll cross that bridge when get there. Ok? You’re my best friend; I don’t want to hurt you.”

I nodded and agreed. I tried to swallow the pill that Jordy just dished out to me but it really threw me in for a whirl and I wasn’t expecting it. She just got out of the car silently and returned to where my parents were standing and looking at the cascading water. I collapsed on the back seat and curled into the fetal position. I sniffed softly and one, solitary tear fell down the side of my face. I was crying about Nick. I wasn’t even crying about Jordy. I shed that tear because I finally realized that everything Nick said about me was true. Before, I just accepted it so I could snag him and get Jordy back in the process. It never really sank in and I never dwelled on it; I was just going through the motions and the apologies. At that moment with me lying on the backseat of that SUV, I realized that the only absolution I needed was the kind I’d give to myself.

I was a horrible person: jealous, sniveling, bitter, unappreciative, and miserable, on a good day. On a bad day, I can only imagine that I transformed into Regina George. I opened my eyes, wiped the tears away with a sniff, and softly sang a Jimmy Needham to myself, “I’ve tried and tried to rectify my hopeless situation and, bottom line, I still have to work to do. Now, I’m working nine to five like I can earn my own salvation but there is no condemnation in You. Child, you’re forgiven and loved. Child you’re forgiven and loved. Child, you’re forgiven and, child, you are loved. Child, you’re forgiven and loved.”

I got out of the car and joined my parents and Jordy, giving them each a hug and looking at the Falls with them. I smiled at Jordy before saying with a small smile, “If you want Nick, I’m Ok with it. It takes two in a relationship; it never would have worked between us. Besides, I need to work on being happy with myself before I can be happy with someone else.”

Jordy put her arm around me and gave a light squeeze. “Thanks for the blessing, kiddo, but it does take two and Nick’s a little partial to you.”

“Hardly. He never looked at me like he looked at you, but it’s Ok. I’m going to be Ok.”

“You know what? Forget Nick. Right now, he’s a non-issue. Let’s just enjoy the view and the break from the craziness we’ve just endured.”

“You know, Jordy, that’s a great idea. I wish I would’ve thought of it.”

“I know. ‘Shh! I’m brilliant,’” she said quoting She’s the Man. “’I’ve got a lifetime of knowledge.’’

We laughed and continued spending the rest of our day at the Falls.