Eclat

“You’ve got to be kidding me right now,” I muttered as the third string of my favourite guitar snapped. I was not in the mood for re-stringing it and I had no clue where the package of extra strings was located. The copious amount of coffee I had drank and cigarettes I’d smoked hadn’t helped much either. I pinched the bridge of my nose then stood up, one hand still grasping the guitar carefully. It was time to go to the small, cramped tour bus bathroom.

Truth be told, inspiration usually struck me while I was in the bathroom. I found myself in the tub, the shower, and of course on the toilet seat with the lid down on many occasions. Plus, the sound of the vocals and instrumentals were like a studio’s in an uncanny fashion. It was at that moment that I grabbed the nearest sheet of paper---it was actually a fast food restaurant napkin---and the permanent marker in my pocket. It was such a simple song, yet it was personal. Coffee and cigarettes are my only escape, I got my cup of coffee Joe, my pack of cigs stoges and I’m on my way downtown. . .

After proofreading it and revising the song, I was able to write most of it. I wasn’t entirely sure if it would make sense in the morning, so I scribbled down the notes as well. It was half past five in the morning when I began to fall asleep. It only felt like I’d blinked my eyes when I was tackled into the far corner of my bunk. I grunted, the weight of many bodies pressing onto me. I think it was the dog pile of doom. It sure felt like it anyway.

“What the fuck. What the flying fuck are you all doing?!” I yelled, struggling to escape. I wasn’t claustrophobic but I was beginning to feel overwhelmed and possibly on the verge of an anxiety attack.

Someone’s hand patted the top of my knee. “We’ll get off of you now, Chrissy.”

I felt extremely relieved as I became able to move freely and even just to breathe. There was a cacophony of laughter as I buried my face in the pillow, more exhausted than I had been before the ambush. I didn’t even put up a fight when my ankles were being tugged at, a few of the guys grabbing each of my arms too. I was being physically moved out of my bunk and I could give a shit less.

I heard everyone talking though, so I had an inkling of where they were taking me. Or so I thought. “Ay, where’s Carter and Lia? Still eating each other’s faces off in his bunk?”

“That’s what they were doing right before we left. . .”

“Are they together or not? Neither of ‘em are confirming or denying it. I’m so confused.”

I wanted to talk to both Carter and Doli, to confront them about this whole situation. But I was scared of the truth. I didn’t want to see them together, nor did I want to confirm everyone’s suspicions that they were dating. Dating. I guess you could say that it was my fault for not taking advantage of the opportunity to ask her out. I had many chances to try to get her attention and let her “see” me in that light. I have the worst timing in the world and I’m awkward. Always have and always will be. Say what you want about me. Nobody deserves to wait in line for the person they like. Nobody deserves to be a second fucking choice. I knew it was time to face my fears and be the first to say something.