Here Without You

Cold metal streetlights gave out a dull amber glow, attempting to brighten the dark streets of London. A cluster of buildings stood prominent from the languid scenery, each one bearing a bright neon sign. The sounds of the busy evening traffic were barely audible- the normal bustle of everyday life replaced with loud, repeated bass notes being thrown from the darkened nightclub's doors. Places like these seemed to attract the younger generation of the Capital; the young women glamorising themselves profusely in order to get a date, the men trying to 'look cool and mysterious' to get the most phone numbers.

Tonight was different though. No extravagant clothes or make-up, no trying to achieve a high rank in popularity. Tonight was the night where the adolescents mourned- instead of drinking until they forgot who they were, or what they had done. Now, they paid their respects. A group of them sat, unmoving, on the second floor balcony, looking over the crowded dance-floor. Sweat dripped from the care-free faces of those who had not suffered, of those who could still laugh, talk about nothing, love. The group on the second floor were not like these people anymore. She had gone- leaving a hole of depression and longing within the group. Leaving a space yet to be filled.

No small talk passed between them, or even any notion that they were paying attention to each other. They stared at the many people on the floor whom they did not know, and they envied them. Ethan, the most. He was the one who the girl loved since forever. They had been together for countless years, never once cheating or unfaithful to each other. They revelled in the other person’s love, always knowing what the other was feeling- towards them or anybody. They had been made for each other. But that had been destroyed. He had been destroyed.

Ethan glanced through the murky window of the club, rubbing his tired hazel eyes. He did not want to be there. The cold, winter’s day had prevented any normal citizens of London from travelling very far from their homes on foot, leaving the suburban streets unnervingly empty. Apart from the gathered teenagers on the ground floor and Ethan’s sombre group- there was nobody. He turned away from the cobbled road, gazing around the dingy night-club. The multi-coloured strobe lights hurt his eyes as they flashed to the beat of the music. Couples were dotted around the railing looking down onto the floor- most too busy in each other’s embrace they didn’t notice their drinks topple over the metal bar. Ethan’s heart began to ache. He had once been like that.

Outside, the brisk, freezing wind blew over the bare trees, making them lurch with its power. The few people beyond the doors of the club shivered, stomping on their half-finished cigarettes before loping back inside. Only one person remained. She was not with the smokers. They hardly even noticed her. She stood a few feet away, contemplating. She paced up and down the street, the cold not affecting her bare, pale arms, or her lustrously long legs. Nor did the wind disrupt her silver-blonde hair hanging from her shoulders. Her beauty was not surpassed by her grace, as she eventually made her way into the club, seemingly weightless.

When she reached the dance floor, her gaze was interrupted by a small movement in her peripheral vision. She was drawn to the second floor, where a young man was standing up. She furrowed her eyebrows, confused. Why was he familiar? She quickly scanned his features; His champagne-coloured hair was sleek, swept casually to the side. A worn leather jacket hung from his tall, lanky build. His expression was one of utter distraught and agitated- she guessed that he wasn’t enjoying being here. As he got up from the plush red sofa, his exhausted gaze quickly brushed over where the girl was standing. She gasped. It was him. Abruptly, she slid into a shadowed corner, avoiding any contact.

They walked down the frozen roads; Ethan unaware of the person following him home. She glided along behind him, studying his movements, remembering. Her heart suffered with the longing to touch him again. Her features crumpled, as did Ethan’s when they reached their- his- apartment. So many priceless memories had been shared here- it used to be a blissful place, a place to retreat after the many hours they enjoyed partying. But now it was dead- a reminder of the heart-wrenching truth.

She followed Ethan like a shadow up the grime-covered stairs, silently creeping behind him. She did not stir the air, or anything around her. She was invisible, concealed. Ethan reached the door, lightly pushing it open giving her a look at what the apartment had come to while she was… gone. The bright purple curtains had been replaced with more ragged, grey cloth, and a dull light shone through to the living area. The small room was now painted dismal beige, instead of the baby blue they had picked years ago. It was a sick reminder of how things had changed.

The phone rang. Ethan glanced at his mobile, not really paying attention. His face was streaked with tears. He let it ring for a moment more before picking it up, pressing the answer button.
“Hello?” He asked, his voice breaking.
A faint reply came from the other end.
”I wanted to know if you’re doing all right…” the voice said. “You left quite quickly.. So… I wanted…. To know if you’re …coping.”
Ethan looked away, swallowing.
“Um.. I….” His eyes travelled down to the raised, pink scar on his arm. A memory he had tried to repress came to the front of his mind now, and he caught his breath.

She was beautiful. He knew well how lucky he was to have her, although she did not like to agree. Her hair was silver-blonde, framing her freckled face like a curtain of satin. Today she wore retro sunglasses, a small tank top and shorts, with a charming smile fixed on her face. Alice held onto his hand tightly as he drove, trying to explain to him where she planned to travel.
“Japan first, and after that, we’ll go to India,” She said, gesturing to the air.
Ethan grinned, taking his eyes of the road for a second to face his beauty.
She smiled back, turning to face the road. Instantly, her expression changed to one of horror.
“Ethan!” She screamed. Alice gripped his hand more tightly.

He turned back to the road, his eyes widening. A figure was in the path of the bulky vehicle, walking across the serene country road. He swerved the Volkswagen, taking it into a ditch off the road. They both bucked forward, Alice’s hair flying in front of her face. The car stopped. Ethan glanced over at Alice, meeting her terrified gaze.
“Are… you alright?” He asked, his voice quivering.
Alice blinked a couple times, slacking the iron grip on his hand. She blew out a breath of air, smiling.
“Yep, I thi…..”
Suddenly, the car was thrown around again, a powerful, much larger vehicle smashing into the side. They both blacked out. But both would not survive. One was never going to wake again.

The girl who followed him watched, as she remembered too. The day his life had shattered, the day hers had ended. Alice craved to be with him again; alive, laughing, loving. Eventually, she thought, he would be with her again- sharing an eternity together. But she would have to wait.

Ethan opened his eyes, tears streaking down his face.
“Ethan?” The girl on the other end said, worry filling her voice.
He cleared his voice, using the back of his jacket to wipe his face.
“No,” He answered. “I’m not coping. But sometimes….” He furrowed his brows, trying to remember the quote.

“You never really leave a place or person you love, part of them you take with you- leaving a part of yourself behind.”