Here Without You

The doors banged loudly, smashing against each other as the cart was hauled through. Doctors crowded the patient, their hands moving fast in order to stop the bleeding.
“We’ve got two patients- one male, one female. The female is in critical state. Internal bleeding, head trauma, two cracked ribs and a broken arm. We need an OR for her now.” The Doctor spoke quickly, ushering his residents forward.
Another cart slid through the doors.
The patient yelled loudly, struggling to break free from the restraining braces that bound him to the cart. Civilians peeked nervously from behind curtains.

“Alice!” Ethan screamed, almost manic. “Alice, please!”
The doctors tried to hush him, to get him to lie on the bed at least- but he was persistent. His frightened eyes were only for the cart in front, and the woman who lay on it. Unconscious. Not breathing.
“Alice!” He sobbed.
Alice’s cart took a sharp left, away from Ethan. His eyes widened.

“No. No, no, no, no. NO!” He grabbed the nearest person’s shirt, ignoring the trickling of bright red blood down his arm.
“Tell me where they’re taking her!”
The clueless look on the intern’s face frustrated him even more.
A wave of heat coursed through Ethan’s body, making him feel drowsy.
He clung to consciousness reverently, grabbing the bed’s railings in a desperate attempt to stay awake. He could feel his eyelids slowly drooping. As the morphine and sedative was pumped into him, he fell deeper into the place of unfeeling.

A gasp.
Ethan awoke suddenly, his eyes wide with fear. He expected to be greeted by bland white hospital walls. And the stench of disinfectant that stung at his nose. Instead, he lay in his messy, sweat filled bed, the bleak English sunshine casting feeble warmth onto his face. He wiped at the sweat that had gathered on his forehead, puzzled. Ethan was at home. Not the hospital.
He tried to tell himself that, but lately the dreams of Alice had been telling him otherwise. Alice was a part of Ethan, a part he left behind.

A part he needed to forget.

Ethan rolled out of bed lazily, pulling on a dull grey t-shirt and jeans quickly. He wandered around the apartment, performing meaningless, mundane tasks to keep his mind busy. A sigh escaped his lips. He could not be persuaded by tasks to keep Alice from entering his mind. He closed his eyes; remembering, savouring. Her beautiful face, dotted with freckles across her long, strong nose. He would stroke her delicate hair as they sat together, enjoying the English sunshine. His eyes flashed open.
‘No,’ He thought. ‘Stop it.’
Ethan grabbed his keys, pulling on his coat, before heading out through the door.

The dull morning sun did not disguise the fact it was freezing, the ice-cold wind of winter hitting Ethan like a fist. It was early, not many people wandering the cobbled streets at this hour. His phone bleeped.
Ethan checked the caller ID, frowning. Gemma.
He answered the call, not bothering to speak.
“Ethan?” She asked, tentative.
“Yep.”
He heard her sigh of relief from the other end.
“I’ve… we’ve been trying to reach you all night.”

“Uh, yeah. Sorry. I was busy.”
“All by yourself?”
He swallowed.
“I had some college work overdue. From Mr. Baines. You know how much the git hates me.” Ethan forced a laugh. “Anyway, why you calling?”
“Oh. I was gonna ask… do you want to come out to lunch? Not just me of course… unless…?” The rest of the question lingered between them, not entirely clear.
“ I guess. Where?”
“Costa- 12 o clock?”
He glanced at his old, battered watch. 11:30am.
“Sure,” A faint smile rose on his lips. “See you.”
End Call.

“Hey.” Gemma smiled as Ethan approached the small, round table.
“Just me and you, then?” He said, sitting down opposite her.
“Yeah, I called everyone, but none of them were awake,” She laughed, tucking her jet-black hair behind her ear. She stared into his eyes.
“So… no-one else?”
“Right.”
Ethan gulped. He had a strange feeling that involved Gemma, but he didn’t know exactly what it was. She looked down at her coffee, seemingly embarrassed.
“Everything okay?” He asked, nervous.

She stifled a laugh, still looking away from Ethan.
“I… I didn’t.. expect to feel this way.”
Ethan opened his mouth to speak, but Gemma cut him off, holding up her hand.
“Please. Just listen.”
Ethan slouched in his chair, fearing the worst.
“It’s such a stupid thing, really. I shouldn’t be saying these things, because I am-was- Alice’s best friend, and best friends have to be loyal, but since she’s gone I haven’t been able to control my feelings and… and…” She sighed, finally meeting Ethan’s hazel eyes with her own green ones.
“I just don’t know what to do.”

Ethan was confused.
“What… what are you trying to tell me?”
Gemma bit her lip.
“I’m… trying to say,”
‘Oh God.’ Ethan thought. ‘Please don’t say you love me. Please don’t say you love me.’
“I’m in love with Alice’s brother.”
“Oh, thank God.” Ethan sighed, clutching at his chest.
Gemma looked at him weirdly, raising an eyebrow.
“You thought… me… and you? Seriously?” She burst out laughing.
Ethan joined in nervously, leaning back on his chair.
“No. Sorry, but no.” Gemma said between giggles. “I just need some advice.”

“Oh. That’s okay. That’s good.”
She smiled. “Do you want some coffee? Then we can talk?”
Ethan nodded quickly.
“Okay.”
Gemma got up from the table quickly, gliding over the counter inside the building.
Ethan sighed.
IfGemma was in love with him, would he be able to deal with it? Not just Gemma, but anyone? He thought it would be an awkward first date, with the… the death of Alice still fresh in his mind. It was probably the only thing that would be the centre of his… being for a long time coming. Would he ever have a proper relationship again? He was beginning to think he wouldn’t.

He glanced over to the counter, checking on Gemma. He could see her short but slim stature, just behind the first woman in the queue. A woman very recognizable. Ethan squinted his eyes, not sure whether he was seeing things. He caught a glimpse of her face as she turned to go. No. Way. Slowly, he rose from the table, not caring that he was leaving Gemma’s things to be nicked. His pace quickened as he shoved through the people trying to leave the coffee shop. The woman left the shop, gliding through the doors opposite to Ethan.
“Wait!” He yelled.

He could see Gemma turning at the sound of his voice. She was confused. Ethan loped towards the pavement, looking around for this woman who he was convinced he knew. She was walking briskly down the road, about to turn the corner to the shopping centre. If she did, then Ethan knew he would never find her. He sprinted across the road, dodging the screeching cars as they tried to avoid him. Gemma’s voice called to him- shrill and worried.

“Hey, just wait!” He called again, running towards the woman.
As he approached, he slowed down, his breathing heavy.
“Excuse me?”
The woman turned, casting a kind gaze onto his face.
“Yes?”
She was exactly like Alice. Her hair, her features, her posture- everything.
Except she wasn’t. Alice was dead he had been fooled by his desire.
“Sorry. I thought you were my… friend. Sorry.”

He waved half-heartedly, turning away from the woman. His face sank into a grimace. How could he be so stupid? Of course it wasn’t Alice- he knew that from the beginning. Then why had he run? If he knew her return would never be possible?
Gemma caught up to him, clutching her coat and bag to her chest.
“What… the hell?” She said between breaths.
Ethan licked his lips, staring sheepishly at the ground.
“Nothing. Just… nothing. I though she was someone I knew. Turns out she wasn’t. Big deal.” He started walking again, letting Gemma trail along behind him like a puppy.

“Look, I know who you thought it was. And I also want you to know that we’re all here for you. We can help you through this, okay? Just… don’t run away again. You are really friggin’ fast.” She laughed, placing a light hand on Ethan’s shoulder. He smiled, not really meaning it. He knew Gemma meant well, but he couldn’t shake the fact that he knew ,just knew he saw Alice in that shop. He sighed, defeated. Ethan didn’t let Gemma see the look of fear that fell onto his face. He was going crazy. Seeing things. That was bound to scare anyone. He leant into Gemma.
“Can we just go home?”
She smiled up at him, placing an arm around his shoulder.
“Sure.”

-------------------------------

Across the street, in the place no one could see, a girl was weeping. Her silver- blonde hair hung over her freckled face like straw, untamed and wild-looking. She watched as Ethan and Gemma walked. She watched as Ethan cried inside. She was crying too. Alice was crying for Ethan.