Heartbreaker
Heartbreaker
Brian thought the street lights seemed brighter down this end of town, though it was probably just his eyes not adjusting to the light so well. He hadn’t slept in days and it was beginning to show, the dark circles below his eyes just one reminder of this as he spotted his reflexion in a shop window. He’d needed to walk. Somewhere. Anywhere. He wasn’t all that set on going home yet but knew it was getting late, and knew what happened to people who walked the streets alone at night. He felt as a few droplets hit his face and even that couldn’t stop him.
His shoes scraped against the pavement as he still continued to walk further from home, the sun setting more with each step he took. That look on his face had yet to be lifted, and he was starting to feel that no amount of fresh air in the world would help the matter. She was gone. He’d lost his angel by her own will, and there was nothing he could do about it. Brian sighed and pulled his jacket closer to his body, fluffing the fake fur collar up to warm his neck. His hands found the pockets not too soon after, his fingers playing with that piece of folded paper he’d never had the mind to dispose of.
A blackbird perched itself on the edge of a building just up the street and called its call, and Brian felt a little reluctant to continue. It shook its feathers, not at all bothered by the one that fell out and to the floor, and that piercing squawk sounded in Brian’s ears once more. Brian had had just about enough of that bird by the time he’d reached it, refusing to pass by the seemingly harmless creature. Its beady eyes followed him as he took the side street nearby instead. He turned his head every few seconds to make sure it stayed by that building, the sudden realisation of being terrified of a mere bird shocking Brian. He could hear it still after he’d lost all sight of it, quickening his pace until it was gone from his mind completely.
His fingers again found that piece of paper tucked securely away in his deepest pocket, and so he took it out. He’d always loved her handwriting. Written was a particular digit Brian still failed to memorise along with lipstick traces and a couple of x’s. To be fair, he hadn’t dialled it in months. He’d been told to never again.
Brian felt as those few droplets turned to a few more, and managed to slip beneath the covering of a doorway before the rain really started to pour. From across the street he spotted a phone box. That familiar thought took a hold of everything that was going on behind that painted expression, one made by acceptance and for the ease of fitting in, and slowly it began to crumble. His calm face with a certain trashed elegance to it drooped a little further, the corners of his mouth quivering just slightly. He knew he was about to lose it altogether. He could never remain a perfect picture for too long anymore, no. Not after her.
Brian felt as his legs took him across to the tiny red booth, almost crippling as he thought about it further. They finally failed him as he got inside and collapsed against the side, his elbow hitting the metal case hard as he tripped.
“Motherfucker,” he cried, soothing the pain with his fingers.
He stood there leaned against the side for a little while, picking off the fuzzy bits from his now soaked jacket. He thought himself to be quite calm, considering the situation he’d got himself in, and decided that perhaps things would be okay. He unfolded that piece of paper once more, the writing a little smudged from the wet, and dialled those numbers he’d promised he’d never dial again. He hadn’t a phone at home after forgetting to pay the bill a few months back and refusing to get it reconnected, and so he was never usually in such a situation.
“Hi this is Cindy, leave your message after the beep!” Her usual cheery voice was enough to bring Brian to tears, and breathing was all he could manage to provide to the other end as the beep toned and he stood with no words left there on his lips.
“Uhh,” he choked out, so sure his tears were obvious. “It’s Brian. Listen, I know I’m not supposed to be calling you, and I know you’re not going to call back…but uhh,” he whispered, stopping to swallow the lump that had formed in his throat, “I miss you, love. I miss you so much…–” Brian was silenced by the click indicating that someone had picked up on the other end, almost freaking and hanging up. He really wasn’t in the mindset to deal with this.
“Brian?” Her voice had him scared. It wasn’t so much her voice, but more the tone she’d used. Had she already forgotten all about him? How unfair that she would forget, where Brian could never.
“From the gig? You saw me play…uhh…I have black hair to my shoulders and gre–”
“No no hun, I know who you are.” Brian felt himself calm down a little. Remembering him was a good sign, surely. “Why are you calling? You know I told you not to.” Brian again couldn’t find the words that had caught in his throat. That lump was there once more but this time too hard to swallow.
“I uhh…I don’t know…”
“Well then goodbye, Brian–”
“Wait! Please don’t hang up…” Brian’s voice was so strained, and he knew he sounded a fool. She sighed in annoyance and Brian felt as more tears fell from his bloodshot eyes. “I just want to know why. I just want to know how I wasn’t good enough for you. I would have given you the world if you’d asked for it. I was willing to give you everything I had, and you were wanting to take it. Why did that have to change? Why are you being like this?” There was a short silence as Brian waited for a reply, wiping his face with the sleeve of his jacket as he did.
“Because I’m a heartbreaker, Brian.” She sounded so sad at what she’d said. Brian thought that ridiculous. How dare she be the one to be sad after what she’d done to him.
“And a lousy love maker,” he added softly, almost hoping to get a rise out of her.
“How fucking dare you, Brian! I didn’t hear your complaints at the time!” Brian tried not to remember their nights spent together. Images of neckties and handcuffs broke through his mental barrier and he cried a little more realising that even if that wasn’t love on her behalf, he still wanted it back again.
“I need you…” The dial tones sounded in Brian’s ear before he’d finished his sentence and he slammed his fist against the wall, crying freely now that there was no one to hear. He could barely see through all the tears, though enough to dial that number once more. And then again. And again…
Hi this is Cindy, leave your message after the beep–
Hi this is Cindy–
Hi this is Cindy, leave your message–
Hi this is Cindy–
Hi this is Cindy–
Hi this is Cindy–
His shoes scraped against the pavement as he still continued to walk further from home, the sun setting more with each step he took. That look on his face had yet to be lifted, and he was starting to feel that no amount of fresh air in the world would help the matter. She was gone. He’d lost his angel by her own will, and there was nothing he could do about it. Brian sighed and pulled his jacket closer to his body, fluffing the fake fur collar up to warm his neck. His hands found the pockets not too soon after, his fingers playing with that piece of folded paper he’d never had the mind to dispose of.
A blackbird perched itself on the edge of a building just up the street and called its call, and Brian felt a little reluctant to continue. It shook its feathers, not at all bothered by the one that fell out and to the floor, and that piercing squawk sounded in Brian’s ears once more. Brian had had just about enough of that bird by the time he’d reached it, refusing to pass by the seemingly harmless creature. Its beady eyes followed him as he took the side street nearby instead. He turned his head every few seconds to make sure it stayed by that building, the sudden realisation of being terrified of a mere bird shocking Brian. He could hear it still after he’d lost all sight of it, quickening his pace until it was gone from his mind completely.
His fingers again found that piece of paper tucked securely away in his deepest pocket, and so he took it out. He’d always loved her handwriting. Written was a particular digit Brian still failed to memorise along with lipstick traces and a couple of x’s. To be fair, he hadn’t dialled it in months. He’d been told to never again.
Brian felt as those few droplets turned to a few more, and managed to slip beneath the covering of a doorway before the rain really started to pour. From across the street he spotted a phone box. That familiar thought took a hold of everything that was going on behind that painted expression, one made by acceptance and for the ease of fitting in, and slowly it began to crumble. His calm face with a certain trashed elegance to it drooped a little further, the corners of his mouth quivering just slightly. He knew he was about to lose it altogether. He could never remain a perfect picture for too long anymore, no. Not after her.
Brian felt as his legs took him across to the tiny red booth, almost crippling as he thought about it further. They finally failed him as he got inside and collapsed against the side, his elbow hitting the metal case hard as he tripped.
“Motherfucker,” he cried, soothing the pain with his fingers.
He stood there leaned against the side for a little while, picking off the fuzzy bits from his now soaked jacket. He thought himself to be quite calm, considering the situation he’d got himself in, and decided that perhaps things would be okay. He unfolded that piece of paper once more, the writing a little smudged from the wet, and dialled those numbers he’d promised he’d never dial again. He hadn’t a phone at home after forgetting to pay the bill a few months back and refusing to get it reconnected, and so he was never usually in such a situation.
“Hi this is Cindy, leave your message after the beep!” Her usual cheery voice was enough to bring Brian to tears, and breathing was all he could manage to provide to the other end as the beep toned and he stood with no words left there on his lips.
“Uhh,” he choked out, so sure his tears were obvious. “It’s Brian. Listen, I know I’m not supposed to be calling you, and I know you’re not going to call back…but uhh,” he whispered, stopping to swallow the lump that had formed in his throat, “I miss you, love. I miss you so much…–” Brian was silenced by the click indicating that someone had picked up on the other end, almost freaking and hanging up. He really wasn’t in the mindset to deal with this.
“Brian?” Her voice had him scared. It wasn’t so much her voice, but more the tone she’d used. Had she already forgotten all about him? How unfair that she would forget, where Brian could never.
“From the gig? You saw me play…uhh…I have black hair to my shoulders and gre–”
“No no hun, I know who you are.” Brian felt himself calm down a little. Remembering him was a good sign, surely. “Why are you calling? You know I told you not to.” Brian again couldn’t find the words that had caught in his throat. That lump was there once more but this time too hard to swallow.
“I uhh…I don’t know…”
“Well then goodbye, Brian–”
“Wait! Please don’t hang up…” Brian’s voice was so strained, and he knew he sounded a fool. She sighed in annoyance and Brian felt as more tears fell from his bloodshot eyes. “I just want to know why. I just want to know how I wasn’t good enough for you. I would have given you the world if you’d asked for it. I was willing to give you everything I had, and you were wanting to take it. Why did that have to change? Why are you being like this?” There was a short silence as Brian waited for a reply, wiping his face with the sleeve of his jacket as he did.
“Because I’m a heartbreaker, Brian.” She sounded so sad at what she’d said. Brian thought that ridiculous. How dare she be the one to be sad after what she’d done to him.
“And a lousy love maker,” he added softly, almost hoping to get a rise out of her.
“How fucking dare you, Brian! I didn’t hear your complaints at the time!” Brian tried not to remember their nights spent together. Images of neckties and handcuffs broke through his mental barrier and he cried a little more realising that even if that wasn’t love on her behalf, he still wanted it back again.
“I need you…” The dial tones sounded in Brian’s ear before he’d finished his sentence and he slammed his fist against the wall, crying freely now that there was no one to hear. He could barely see through all the tears, though enough to dial that number once more. And then again. And again…
Hi this is Cindy, leave your message after the beep–
Hi this is Cindy–
Hi this is Cindy, leave your message–
Hi this is Cindy–
Hi this is Cindy–
Hi this is Cindy–