Sesame Street: The Satire.

"Bloooodddd."

A oddly misshapen blue figure stumbles towards Cookie Monster, who's sprawled against a wall talking up Big Bird.

He glances up, groans, and tells her to go away.

Big Bird plants her yellow hands, the nails stylishly painted a fiery red, on her tail. She starts to walk away, calling back "It's because I'm yellow, isn't it?"

Cookie Monster rolls his eyes "That was the Grinch's line. Go make me some cookies, kay babe? Maybe lemon chocolate."

He rubs his hands together in anticipation, licking his lips...and then curses when the static electricity buildup shocks him.

"Damn fur." He hisses, looking around to make sure no children heard him. That's how Barney got fired.

Big Bird rolls her eyes, continuing her dramatic exit. Underneath her breath, she softly sings "It's not easy being yello-"

"And that was Kermit's song." Cookie Monster calls triumphantly.

Meanwhile, the misshapen blue figure has gotten close enough to poke Cookie Monster and repeat "Bloooodddd."

Cookie Monster groans again, folding his arms across his chest. Off in the distance he spots Oscar hiding in his trash can, laughing to himself.

Cookie Monster flips him off.

He then turns back to the thing still poking him, irratatedly batting it away as he demands

"And why do you need blood?"

The misshapen hunk frowns. This is a new one. What did the green thing in the metal thing tell him, again?

"Me vampire. Me...blood monster!"

He hisses at Cookie Monster. Cookie Monster takes a bite of cookie and calls Count von Count.

"Yo, Count...got another blood monster here. Yeah, I know. Well, maybe if Oscar hadn't found that stack of reject animations of me and decided to tell them all that blood would make them whole..."

Oscar waves cheerily at his name, having hopped close enough to pat his Blood Monster on the head. Cookie Monster flips him off again before turning back to the phone.

"Can you just get down here?"

He listens for a few seconds, before smiling "Find some old Oscar animations and train them to be nice? I like that idea..."

Oscar looks horrified.

Meanwhile, the Blood Monster is busily poking Oscar's trash can in search of blood.

Count von Count shows up a few minutes later, wrapping his cape around him as he looks in distaste at the Blood Monster. Under his breath, he mumbles "One Blood Monster, one Oscar, one Count, one Cookie Monster, one coo-"

He cuts off quickly, looking in horror at the cookie, which is half eaten.

"Not one cookie! And not no cookies!" He exclaims in distress. His eyes widen, his breathing harsh as he pulls his cape up and hides his eyes, peeking out in fear at the offending cookie.

Cookie Monster groans. "It's a fraction. One half. In between one and two. Remember? We discussed this yesterday...and the day before that...and all the days before that, really."

Count von Count looks down in shame, revising his list under his breath "One half of a cookie...one sad Count. And one stupid Cookie Monster."

Cookie Monster rolls his eyes.

Actors.

Gesturing to the Count, he declares "This is a vampire. You're a Cookie Monster."

Blood Monster looks confused.

Cookie Monster death glares Oscar, who's giggling, and mumbles "You have a girly laugh."
Before turning back to the Blood Monster.

"You." He points at the Blood Monster "Cookie Monster."

"Me." He points to himself "Cookie Monster."

"He." He points to the Count "Vampire. Sorta."

The Blood Monster frowns. This big blue thing is confusing him.

Cookie Monster raises his eyes to the sky and once again begs to be transferred to SNL. He's heard they have an Alcohol Monster...and a showgirl Big Bird.

Oscar takes advantage of Cookie Monster's distraction to sidle hop up to Blood Monster, luxuriating in the scrape his can makes against the pavement.

Whispering in its ear, he says "You Blood Monster. Blood yummy. Blood make you whole. Blood make you a real boy...err, monster."

Oscar freezes as the Blood Monster turns around "Sound?" It questions.

Seeing Oscar, it runs its fingers through his fur.

"Blood?" It questions hopefully.

As its fingers scrape down, they hit the metal of the can. The sound brings Cookie Monster back...just as Blood Monster realizes who he's probing.

It gurgles "Daddy!", snuggling its head against Oscar.

Oscar quickly moves away from it.

The Blood Monster starts to cry.

Cookie Monster decides to elevate his eyes back to the sky and dream some more of SNL.

Count von Count counts the tears falling down the bawling Blood Monster's face.

And Big Bird, hustling over with a tray of cookies, rolls her eyes in disgust. "Men."

"The entire female race." Cookie Monster informs her without looking away from the sky.

She rolls her eyes again, taking a cookie from the tray and kneeling in front of the still sobbing Blood Monster.

"Ten cookie!" Count von Count announces.

Oscar steals two.

"Eight cookie." Count von Count amends.

Reaching over, Count von Count shoves a cookie in his mouth.

"Seven cookie."

He eats another.

"Six cookie."

He starts to take another

"Five coo-"

Big Bird slaps him and the cookie crumbles onto the ground.

She finally locates the Blood Monster's mouth, deciding that whoever drew it in his forehead must have been male as she places the cookie in it.

Blood Monster chews, as she watches expectantly. Its face lights up "Yummy!"

She laughs, handing it another. Blood Monster takes it, tapping her fingernails and
remarking "Pretty." Before eating the cookie.

Big Bird blushes, her face turning orange. "Well, aren't you the gentleman." She says.

Blood Monster nods eagerly "Gentleman!"

It eats another cookie, crunching loudly. A crumb falls on Cookie Monster and he starts, looking down in horror at the two remaining cookies.

"What happened?" He cries, reaching for the last two cookies.

Big Bird grabs them first, holding onto Blood Monster's hand with the other as she informs him "Those are for Blood Monster and I."

Cookie Monster's jaw drops "Are you seriously leaving me...for a reject early stage animation of me?"

Big Bird nods, starting to walk. Blood Monster turns back around, smiling proudly as he shoves the cookie in his mouth and declares "Me gentleman."

Cookie Monster growls in irritation as they start to walk off into a nearby sunset, shouting "Not funny, Cal and Larry."

Two bespectacled heads pop out from either side of the sunset as they mumble "Spoilsport." Before throwing a switch and making the sunset disappear.

Big Bird turns around with a smirk, calling back "I'm so sorry Big Bird, you're the prettiest bird in the world and I should be making you cookies. Actually, make that bird seed trail mix."

He looks at her oddly, as she informs him "That was Cookie Monster's line."