The Story Of Us
Entry Ten
My best friend, Hope is there for me. She seems to be the only one I know that understands just how I felt about Adam. If it wasn't for her I wouldn't have even known who he was really, because she's known him longer than I have. Now that he goes to a different school, well, I miss him a hell of a lot more each day! It's like not seeing him makes me feel like each smile on my face is fake, like I'm never really happy as when I am around Adam. He makes me the happiest girl I have ever been. He is the one that makes my stomach get so full of butterflies that I can't seem to breath, or eat, or hardly sleep because HE is always on my mind.
That one day, the day when he found out how I felt. I can't explain in words how embarrassed I was, how confused with my feelings I was. I mean, it's like how many girls in middle school do you know that really know themselves? I mean, REALLY know themselves; inside and out. I will admit that there were a lot of things that day that I could've done differently, my whole freaking life would be different. Maybe he wouldn't have gone to a different school and I wouldn't have lost him in my life. Maybe I could actually be happy again, really happy, the way I am with him.
Brunette hair, brown eyes, and not the perfect body, but its getting there. Not chubby but it's smack in the middle. That's my appearance for me. Sometimes I feel like he would actually like me that way, feel the same way for me if I looked like those girls in the magazines. But I don't, and then I remember that one day on the bus ride home, but in Freshmen year when he sat behind me.
Note to self: Don't call me a stalker or anything but I will admit I knew he was going to get on that bus anyway. Shh ;)
Anyway, so he sat down with his friend and they started talking. I wanted to listen so I listened, well, to most of it because you know how most guys are right? After a while of talking about the same thing you kind of get bored of the two guys conversation so you completely zone out. Then my ears kind of perk up as I hear him mention me to his friends, "Yeah I did like her. But she said she didn't like me so I just didn't bother anymore." At those words I felt my heart feel as if it dropped all the way down to my stomach. My eyes were burning from tears wanting to come out but I forced them down.
Why would he do that to me? That was the main question that went through my mind, why! I never would have saw him to be the type to do that to a girl he KNEW sure as hell had feelings for him. Why choose to pull an asshole move like that? He knew I was sitting in the seat infront of him.
That same day I couldn't sleep, couldn't eat anything. I went to bed without any food in me. Nothing falling under the category of eating mattered to me, feeling as though my heart just snapped straight in half. Feeling like my world crumbled apart. Feeling like I'm not good for anyone. I couldn't help it then, those thoughts were pushing their way into my mind that I couldn't stop them. Almost as if it were like an over played song that you've listened to so many times and just can't get the damn song out of your head.
I was confused then, I'm still confused now. But now as I sit here writing this entry, I keep thinking of those times in eighth grade. Those times when I would become so happy to be around him. Like I said, Hope understands how much I miss him. I've never been that happy before with any other guy. And maybe I will again. But now...now I guess God just wants me to take my time and see what lifes unfolds for me.
That one day, the day when he found out how I felt. I can't explain in words how embarrassed I was, how confused with my feelings I was. I mean, it's like how many girls in middle school do you know that really know themselves? I mean, REALLY know themselves; inside and out. I will admit that there were a lot of things that day that I could've done differently, my whole freaking life would be different. Maybe he wouldn't have gone to a different school and I wouldn't have lost him in my life. Maybe I could actually be happy again, really happy, the way I am with him.
Brunette hair, brown eyes, and not the perfect body, but its getting there. Not chubby but it's smack in the middle. That's my appearance for me. Sometimes I feel like he would actually like me that way, feel the same way for me if I looked like those girls in the magazines. But I don't, and then I remember that one day on the bus ride home, but in Freshmen year when he sat behind me.
Note to self: Don't call me a stalker or anything but I will admit I knew he was going to get on that bus anyway. Shh ;)
Anyway, so he sat down with his friend and they started talking. I wanted to listen so I listened, well, to most of it because you know how most guys are right? After a while of talking about the same thing you kind of get bored of the two guys conversation so you completely zone out. Then my ears kind of perk up as I hear him mention me to his friends, "Yeah I did like her. But she said she didn't like me so I just didn't bother anymore." At those words I felt my heart feel as if it dropped all the way down to my stomach. My eyes were burning from tears wanting to come out but I forced them down.
Why would he do that to me? That was the main question that went through my mind, why! I never would have saw him to be the type to do that to a girl he KNEW sure as hell had feelings for him. Why choose to pull an asshole move like that? He knew I was sitting in the seat infront of him.
That same day I couldn't sleep, couldn't eat anything. I went to bed without any food in me. Nothing falling under the category of eating mattered to me, feeling as though my heart just snapped straight in half. Feeling like my world crumbled apart. Feeling like I'm not good for anyone. I couldn't help it then, those thoughts were pushing their way into my mind that I couldn't stop them. Almost as if it were like an over played song that you've listened to so many times and just can't get the damn song out of your head.
I was confused then, I'm still confused now. But now as I sit here writing this entry, I keep thinking of those times in eighth grade. Those times when I would become so happy to be around him. Like I said, Hope understands how much I miss him. I've never been that happy before with any other guy. And maybe I will again. But now...now I guess God just wants me to take my time and see what lifes unfolds for me.