Heart of Man

Anna Trovato

“What is up your boyfriend’s ass?”

Not the first thing one would expect when walking the halls of the TD Garden. Unfortunately, my mother raised me to not eavesdrop onto other people’s conversations, so no matter how interesting the topic probably was..

“Like…you’re suicidal accusations? Your Mysterious hospital visit that no one will speak about? Kind of a little suspicious.”

This was going to be good, I could already tell. Pausing in my steps, I turned in my spot, looking for the echoing voice. Moments after, I proceeded forward, keeping my eyes peeled for my friend, and the voice.

Rounding the corner, I slowed my steps. Carey Price and Roxanne McGregor stood before me, the first one boldly displaying the jagged cut down McGregor’s arm. “I don’t think this is nothing and something that can be forgotten about. This looks like something worse and after all I have heard, I’m connecting some dots.”

Unable to hold back a sigh, I resumed my speed, coming up to the source of the voices. How they didn’t notice me beforehand, the world may never know. Of course, the two disgusting drinks I consumed before the game left quite a bit to be desired, it was enough to get me through it. Soda. Never do it.

“This isn’t your business Carey Price. This is to me and my friends and family.”

“So this is what kept you, Carey.” The look on McGregor’s face was priceless, as she turned around with a deer-in-headlights look plastered on her face.

“Sorry Anna, came across Roxanne here who wants to be taken to see Pacioretty.” Carey glanced back at me, offering up a knowing look. We had had a similiar talk… many times before. She ripped her hand out of his grasp, obviously trying to cover up what was permanently undone.

McGregor sent a glare his way, obviously becoming flustered.“Yeah, and a certain Canadien goalie was trying to jump into someone else’s business that does not pertain to them”

“Carey does tend to do that from time to time.” McGregor shifted uncomfortably, pulling at her sleeve incessantly. I glanced over to the netminder, trying to get a small smile out of him. “Don’t you, Carey?”

Trust me, McGregor, he can’t mind his own business. Unfortunately, he’s curious in matters where he shouldn’t be digging.

Watching the Capitals’ overtime period against the Rangers was a total nightmare. Between Simon’s shouts of “Shut the fuck up and go to bed, you asshat!” and Steven’s phone calls every five seconds of “Please go to bed.”, my day couldn’t be any more stressed.

“Holy fuck, Carey, they put that jerk back on the ice.”

“Are you kidding me, Anna? Shut up about him. I have a tv screen. I can see when he’s on the ice. I don’t need a status update.” I fell back onto my bed as it flipped to a commercial, and snatching my phone up closer to my face.

“Don’t be jealous, Carey. I do the same thing when you are playing.”

“But I’m always on the ice.”

“Exactly, so I only have to say it once.”

“Do you like the Russian?” I couldn’t help but make gagging noises to Dana, who roared with laughter.

“Bitch, please.”

He shot a smile in my direction, while McGregor only looked confused. “Nice one, Anna, nice.”

“Trovato, what are you doing in Boston? Aren’t the Tampa Bay Lightning in the playoffs?” I looked at her, raising an eyebrow in the process, at her impeccable timing.

“It was only a three hour flight. As long as I was present for practice this morning, Boucher didn’t mind.” Crossing my arms, I took a couple of steps forward, hoping to get moving to the hospital to check on Carey’s teammate. The hit, however unintentional, was rough, and he deserved to have someone come and visit him. “Besides, I’m used to flying.”

She shrugged, looking from me, to Carey. “Makes sense. It’s only right to cheer on your friends when you get the chance. Are you hoping to see Pacioretty as well?” She had a hopefully look on her face. Mixed with obvious fatigue, nonetheless, but she sounded like she genuinely felt guilty.

“After becoming acquainted with career-ending injuries, it always helps to have someone come and show they care. Makes it hurt less.” Price shifted his weight onto his other leg. I stuck my hand in my back pocket, and tossed him the keys. “We should go, it’s getting late.”

“Agreed.” I said, walking behind Carey towards the outside of the TD Garden. “If I don’t get there soon enough and say sorry and make sure he’s okay, I might pass out on the way and Tuukka will freak the fuck out if I don’t come home tonight.”

“I pulled the car up, right outside the door. I figured you might be tired.” Whatever the red-head just said, clicking in my mind a few seconds after she finished. “How are you and him doing, by the way?”

Carey stepped off the curb, making his way for the driver's seat. I reached ahead, grasping the passenger's door, and holding it open for the woman. "We're going good right now." She turning to me, offering a small smile. "I mean, it got really rocky recently, and almost completely fell apart. Thought I was going to die."

“But you didn’t and that’s all that matters. If you were supposed to have died, or things were to have gone badly, then that’s how it is sometimes. Live and let die.” I looked over to her, actually making eye contact. “While death may seem like the appropriate response, it usually never is. Just keep pushing forward. If you go out, trying to kill yourself in every practice, every game, every work-out, you just cover up the problem. You try to kill yourself with other methods, you are just covering up the problem, and it can never heal.”

The woman merely sat there for a moment, lips pursed tightly. “I have learned from that mistake. We both did. It…yeah…we just all had a really, really scary moment that had us all rethink everything twice and now me and him are going completely fine like it was in the beginning.”

“As long as there was a lesson learned in some way or another, then there is nothing else to worry about.” I paused for a moment, somewhat glad to see Carey relaxed at the wheel. I slid around in the back seat, stretching my leg that was continuing to throb like crazy. Ever since Staal had tripped me, it had been a bitch. McGregor looked back to me for a moment.

“He never mentioned you to me, ever. But that day of the Rangers game, when you and him were talking on the phone, he was really upset and frustrated over whatever it was that happened. Kind of made me really worried.” I bit my lip, unsure of what to say to her. I shrugged, looking away from her and looking out of the window.

“We were talking about you and him.” The car pulled to a stop, as we approached the red light that was flashing, before staying red for a moment. “You make him very happy.”

McGregor's face turned into something that resembled the epitome of happiness for a split second, but never wavered. “To hear you say those words Anna, make me feel so freaking happy I don’t even know what to say. I always wanted to believe I did and to have someone who’s known him longer then I have say those words make me feel...I don’t know. Relieved? Happy? I never want to drag Tuukka down. I love him a lot.”

I furrowed my brow, as Carey began to look around for a parking spot. “Freaking?”

“Uhh, you know, like wicked happy? Extremely happy? We New Englanders make no sense, I know.” I could have smacked my head, unable to remember anything Simon taught me.

"Dolbannye, got it. I've never heard that word before, so it was a little difficult to understand. Sorry about that, I thought Simon covered most of the English slang, or what ever it is that you call it." I bent my leg back a little bit, feeling the muscle tighten up quickly, before locking up. I sighed heavily, my night spiralling downward anyways. "Regardless, it's obvious to see how much you care for him. Do me a favour?"

As she unbuckled her seatbelt, she uttered her response. “What is it, Anna?”

“Never stop loving him.” I don’t know what it was that made me say those words, but I could have shot myself in the face for it. Jerking off my own seatbelt and nearly ripping the car door off, I slammed it shut, all intents of leaving the two outside to follow me in. We are not the same. She has no clue.

“I.. never plan on it, Anna Trovato. Never wanted to since the say I met him.” Sometimes, I hated being brought up in my family. You subconsciously develop a superiority complex. She doesn’t have the knowledge to assume she knows that I’m thinking. Stepping up to my eye level, she pressed on. “Is it.. a bit too personal of me to ask why you’re so upset?”

No, not at all. I’m getting ready to regurgitate everything from the past two days, my body is sore, and I want a real fucking relationship. Fuck it, though, because I damn sure don’t need this kind of drama.

Walking past her into the opening doors of Boston General, the two of them stepping up to the desk together, as I leaned up to the Nurse’s station. “Do you have the room number for a Max Pacioretty? We’re teammates of his.” She nodded dismally, obviously extremely worn out, but not before three words reached my ears.

“It’s just Anna.” What’s just me, Carey? I realize I’m pathetic. Thanks for rubbing it in. Just do us all a favour and wait until I’m gone. Gone for good.

“1109. It will be on your left.” Rattling my brain to get rid of the negative feelings, I recited the number to the suspicious duo, before making our way down the hallway.

“I’m beginning to suffocate on this tension.” My stomach began to burn, Price’s words not even registering into my head, before I could spit out the sentence I could barely form.

“Carey, I’m running to the restroom for a minute.” Not even waiting for a response, I dodged into the next hallway I could find, searching for the women’s restroom.

~

I hit the bathroom door hard enough to probably dent the tile littering the walls, before making a mad dash to the large one. Snapping the lock shut, I pulled my hair back in time for today’s meals to reintroduce themselves into the white basin.

Coughing roughing, I could feel everything scratch against my throat, as I breathed heavily. Silently praying that I had gotten rid of everything, I ripped some of the paper towels I had found, out of my hand, and cleaned my face and the toilet seat up.

Tossing the towels into the small waste basket, I flushed the basin and left the area, stopping only to wash my hands. I could only hope that the hospital light would hide the pallor my face had taken.

~

Reaching the hallway that led to Pacioretty’s room, I blinked slowly. The lights were giving me a migraine, but instead of feeling irritable, extreme fatigue took its place. Looking on the brass plate on the wall, with a familiar name, I stuck my head in. Gripping the wall to hold myself up, I looked towards the three occupants of the room. ”Carey.”

All three of the room’s in inhabitants turned to my direction, and I could have almost slapped myself as Carey came over. “You okay, Anna? You look terrible.”

“Hey, Anna, long time, no see. You look terrible though.” Trying not to cringe, I returned the gentle wave he sent back at me, avoiding McGregor’s gaze.

Mustering up a grin towards Max and eyeing Carey, my shoulder rested against the doorframe, allowing me to cross my arms. "It's definitely been awhile. And I'm fine. Just a little worn out. Question is, how are you doing?"

He simply shrugged in response, offering up a knowing look in Roxanne’s direction. It was one that I had become all too familiar with. Vinny was always looking at us like that, when we did something stupid. “Eh, would be better if I knew that my playoffs weren’t over.”

“I’m really, relaly sorry about this, Pacioretty. I’m just so glad you’re actually moving, talking, and there isn’t anything life-theatening or like.. career-ending.” Roxanne paused in her rant, pondering her words. “I hope.”

"He's strong, McGregor. It won't stop him." I slipped past Carey, making my way to the chair in front of the window. Gripping the armrest, I slowly sat in it, and sighed. Is he strong enough?

She began drifting towards my direction, sending me slightly on edge. I really needed to see a doctor, as my nerves were on edge and weren’t going away. “Let’s hope he’s strong enough. I do have the reputation for power on the ice. Just ask Chara.”

Her words made me slightly uneasy. Everything is not about power; you don’t need it to win. It’s not an advantage, but it can be your ultimate downfall in the last, deciding minute when you aren’t fast enough, or you shot too wide and lost in the Cup Finals. You can’t rely on one aspect of the game.

The Bruins player placed her hand on my shoulder, making eye contact with my own. “You sure you’re going to be okay? We can leave if you need to.” I was tempted to shrug it off, but neither Carey, Max, or McGregor deserved it, at this point. Looking back towards Max, my head nodding.

"I'm perfectly fine. Jet lag and such, you know?"

Removing her hand, the red-head shot me a smile. “If you say so. Jetlag can fuck you up, I hate it. Especially when there’s games all the way in Vancouver and you never adjust and you have to play the next day.” She shook her head, obviously remembering the unpleasant experience. “I can see why you’re sick.”

I doubt that, but whatever you say.

"It's never fun, but that's what makes it fun." I felt my phone vibrate, interrupting what I was saying, more than likely with my alarm. Whatever flight Simon helped me book got me back in Pittsburgh by six, in time for practice. "I have to go. Flight leaves at 2, and I have to be back for practice." After standing and making my way over to Max, I rested my hand on his forearm, offering up a small smile. "Feel better, alright? You have my number, if you ever need anything. Maybe even a few weeks in Florida to relax. Don't hesitate."

The hospitalized man gave me a salute that was beyond adorable. “Despite my disks being out of place, I feel better already. Maybe we’ll play you in the Finals.”

McGregor laughed, prepared to defend her team. “That is, if the Bruins will let you win.”

“I’ll shut you guys out.” Carey threatened playfully, in which Roxanne glared at him in the same manner.

“Just try, Price. We have two ace goalies in our line-up.”

"I have to place my faith in Carey here. Thomas and Rask are good, but so is this guy right here." A grin slipped on my face, as they teased each other. "But Dwayne and Mike are, by far, better than you, Thomas, and Rask combined. So it's pretty obvious that we'll have to try to lose."

“You’re going to be eating those words. You just watch.” I didn’t say anything, as she turned to offer her condolences and good-byes to Max. Traipsing out the door to allow them a moment with their friend, I sighed. Maybe so, McGregor. Maybe so.

This whole NHL thing had me really thinking. Do I belong here? Wondering about what others said about the game, and how the spoke of it, completely clashed with how I viewed the game. Here, it’s a sport. Back home, it was an art. Maybe I really don’t belong here..

Interrupting my thoughts, McGregor came out of the room, letting out a yawn while pulling out her vibrating phone. "Calm down, Tuukka.." I stepped to the side, turning to see Roxanne reading a text message that was, with no doubt, from her boyfriend. Looking away, I linked my hands behind my back as we waited on Carey, when a thought hit me.

"What are you doing this summer, McGregor?"

“I.. have no idea.” She replied evenly. “Never game it much thought. Probably go to Finland though. I.. really want to see it.”

I smiled, thinking about what Tuukka probably had planned for her. "You will love it. Positively gorgeous, it is. Convince him to take you to Kouvola." I thought about what I was getting ready to say for a moment. Was it too much? "My mother was born there, and it's one of the most beautiful places you will ever see. Miten on sinun Suomalaisia kehittää?"

The girl stumbled over herself as she fought to catch my words. “Sorry Anna, but my Finnish hasn’t gotten that good yet. I know only objects and a couple of phrases. Nothing big.”

Carey emerged from the room, nodding his head to the side as we following him back out the way we came. “Either you are lying, or it's better than you think. You answered my question." I walked a little behind Carey, watching his back pockets move with every step. We reached the outside atmosphere, as the man began to dig in his pockets for his car keys.

“I.. did? Well! Glad I’m not that incompetent.” I glanced over at her, wondering if there was a double-meaning behind her words. I could not ever recall thinking she was unintelligent, much less voicing my non-existent opinion.

"Have either of you seen my keys?" Giggling, I walked past him and unlocked the car, sliding into the front seat, suppressing my rather morbid thoughts.

“Really guys? This is how you repay me?” Carey whined, making my laughter a bit more pronounced.

“C’mon Carey, just get in the car.” McGregor joined me in the front, allowing Carey to take the middle seat in the back. He began to mumble thoughts under his breath, as my front companion smiled. “Menkäämme.” Let’s go..

"Voi tehdä." With pleasure..

I replied in the tongue she spoke in, before the engine roared to life underneath my fingertips. Pulling out into the invisible oncoming traffic, stopping before the white line as the light turned red. "Although, I have to warn you. I don't drive slow, so put on your seatbelts. Can't have any more injured players running around, now can we."

“No, we can’t. I don’t think Tuukka would be happy to know you got me in an accident.” I smirked, thinking about how angry her boyfriend would be. Maybe I should get the milk crates ready.

"Tuukka-Face will deal with it. But wouldn't that make for an interesting headline. 'Lightning Forward takes out Bruins Forward and Canadiens Goalie In One Fell Swoop'." Relaxing behind the wheel, I shot a smile at her as the light turned green. Pressing on the acceleration pedal harsher than what was probably safe in America, we reached 60 in a matter of seconds. "Where to first?"

“Head that way. Need to get back to the apartment.” She began to spew directions, as I made the turns as necessary. As we began to navigate through the busied streets of Downtown Boston, the cars continued to beep at us if I made a sharp turn. Ha, get out of my way, then.

Okay, so I was a big of a road-rage-driver, but it should have been understood. You spent years of your life where 70 is the minimum limit, it’s going to affect you.

Managing to reach our destination, Carey looked as pale as a ghost. “Shit, Anna! You need to learn about speed limits.”

"Speed limits are for squares. Besides, I always drive like that in Russia and they are more strict on driving regulations there." Shrugging at the man as we piled out into the chilled wind that bellowed around us. Locking the door, I turned to the pair. “Lead the way, Roxanne.”

“Sure! I’m sure Tuukka won’t mind seeing you again for the first time in.. how long now?” I shrugged my shoulders, even though she couldn’t see, as she led us past a few buildings, up to a tall white one.

"It's been nearly two years. I last saw him during the summer Olympic training, not including the one time we played your team." Carey and I waited patiently as she worked on unlocking the apartment door. "Looks like a nice place that you have here."

“It is, isn’t it? Gotta thank Tuukka for it since he lived here before me” She opened the door to a ravishingly furnished entry way, directing us towards the staircase. “By the way, beware of Finnegan. He’s our little munchkin cat and we don’t know why but he’ll attack some people but wont others.”

"Tuukka actually let you get a cat? Boy's growing up." We followed Roxanne upstairs, looking at the decorations that enhanced the entryway. "Hopefully this Finnegan is in a good mood. Otherwise, maybe he'll like a nice Carey-Treat."

Price stopped beside me, making me smile in response to his actions. He really was a sweetheart. “Oh hell no! So not going in there if that stupid cat is going to attack me!”

The woman next to me laughed. “Finnigan was actually a gift to me from Tuukka, and so far, he only attacks Marchand. Much deserved if you ask me, even though that stupid agitator is a lovable brother.” Reaching the actual apartment door, she opened it. “Tuukka! I’m back! And I have a couple of people with me! One you’re going to want to smack, but let Finnegan after him, the other is an old friend.”

Seconds after we entered the room and the door was locked, the small kitten raced out from under the table, headed for Carey. "OH HELL NO!" I couldn't help but smile as Finnegan 'played' with him. I heard a door open behind us, and another body enter the room.

"Whoa... wasn't expecting this crew." Turning to Tuukka's voice, I felt my abdomen lurch a little. I could only assume my stomach was not up to par again.

"Nice to see you too, Tuukka."

“Hey, Anna, kind of was not expecting you here at all.” His girlfriend was quick to pip up.

“She was with Carey when we went to see Pacioretty, and kindly dropped me off here. Thought it wouldn’t hurt to have them come in.” Her explanation was met with a sluggish nod.

“Makes more sense.” His eyes snapped to my frame. “Nice to see you again in person, Anna. Kind of surprised, though, after the phone call.” McGregor looked puzzled for a moment, and I could only assume he didn’t tell her about it.

I felt my good mood plummet quickly, as Roxanne began to tend to Carey and Finnegan. "I don't see what that has to do with anything. As far as I could tell, we ended on good terms. Tell me, did we not?"

“We did, that’s true. Sorry for sounding like an ass.” He took a seat on the arm of the couch, crossing his arms. “So what are you doing all the way up in Boston? Isn’t your team in the playoffs?”

Crossing my arms behind my back again, I began to pace the living area, taking everything in. "Don't worry about it, and yes, we play game two tomorrow in Pittsburgh. However, I thought I would come and catch a friend's game, while I had the time. Turned out much better than I thought it would, to be honest."

“I’m glad about that. It’s been way too long, hasn’t it?” I shrugged again, something I seemed to be doing a lot recently, regardless of his attention on McGregor and the cat. “Really glad to also see you and Roxy getting along. Or is it just a ruse?”

At this point in my life, I would have loved to say that he knew me so well, but I was no longer that awkward teenager playing in Finland’s development leagues, who drank the bars dry every night, leading the perfect life with no worries. "Who knows? Maybe I'm content leading her on, or maybe I want a friend. Is that so wrong?" There were a few books on the table, one in Finnish. Picking it up, I began to skim through it. "Enlighten me, sweetheart. Are you going to teach your girlfriend Finnish, or not? Are you planning to take her home to your parents and Joonas?"

He flushed at me words for no reason. “Kind of would like it is you didn’t call me sweetheart.” Holding back a scoff, I watched his girlfriend come back to join our little cicle.

"Well, let me just reject my mother's upbringing of being affectionate towards friends." Tuukka looked away, more than likely towards the approaching woman. I snapped the book closed, doing the same with my eyes to fight back the inevitable. I definitely wasn’t cut out for America. "Oletteko vakavasti usko, että ajattelen siitä? Kiitos, Tuukka. Tuntuu todella mukavalta." Do you seriously think that I think that about you? Thanks, Tuukka. Feels really nice.

“I don’t Anna, but others might. I’m sorry, okay? Let’s not get pissed off at each other. ” His words cut through me, and in my delusional state of mind that I currently possessed, I couldn’t trust him. Couldn’t believe him. After being friends for however long, he should have known that I didn’t hold an interest in him. I’m not, nor will I ever be, a home wrecker.

“Is everything okay?” Roxanne’s voice sounded in the room, forcing me to momentarily forget she didn’t speak Finnish.

Tuuk turned to her, face lit up like Christmas. “Yeah, all is fine, Roxy.”

"Mitä haluat.” I turned my back to the stack of books, to face the couple with a smile on my face. "Couldn't be any better, Roxanne." Whatever you want..

“Well, that’s great, really.” The burning feeling was back, and I tried to swallow to subside the fire in my throat. Looking between the two as they shared a short look. I watched the red-headed woman's eyes practically sparkle, as Tuukka mentioned his plans with her for the summer. It was only a matter of time, but sooner is always better than later. “Seriously!? Yes! I was just telling Anna at the hospital how I wanted to go!”

"Vaadin, että otat hänet Kouvola. Hän oli nauttia siitä, luulisin. Olen edelleen asunto siellävoit käyttää." I paused for a second, thinking. "That she did, Tuukka. Kun pääset perille, tarvitsen sinua tekemään minulle palveluksen." When you get there, I need you to do me a favor.

“What is it, Anna?” It was obvious they needed a moment, and my presence was becoming closer and closer to unwelcome.

"There's an envelope in my apartment, already addressed to my home in Omsk. Send it to me?" I leaned around the couple, avoiding eye contact, while searching for Carey. I'd have to leave soon if I had any chance of catching my flight.

“Your apartment.. where?”

"It's on the eastern side of Kouvola, so you'll be able to see the mountains." Roxann'e confused face, and Tuukka's protective arm around her waist made me want to melt from how adorable they were. They really were perfect together; so much, that I could only hope he would bring her home permanently on day.

“I can do it, Anna. Anything for an old friend I neglected.”

"I don't what you to do it because you feel as if you neglected me, but because we're friends. I'm guilty in this too." Looking up to Roxanne's face, I slipped back into reality. "I really must go. Probably going to end up running through the airport like mad, and we have an early practice and such before the game."

He stood up, the two separating for a moment. "Shit! you're going to be exhausted. Sorry to keep you so long and everything.. but that's for everything too. Especially you, Carey.. Carey?"

Roxanne began to search around the apartment, onto to see the man in question exiting the restroom, Finnegan attached to his leg. "I hate your cat..."

The simple statement sent the girl into a fit of laughter, a smirk gracing itself upon Tuukka's face, before turning and giving me a hug. “Nice to see you again. Good luck with everything, and now I'm just a phone call away, and will probably be in Boston for awhile now."

Pulling away, I watched my friend's girl attempt to pull the feline's claws out of Carey's leg. "Tell her not to worry about keeping us up. I wanted to come, and I'm glad I did. Good luck with the rest of the series, and wherelse it takes you."

“I can do that. And thanks. It’s been a crazy year.. it’s going to be a crazy series.” I nodded in response, keeping silent. “Goodbye, Anna.”

Stepping back and reaching for Carey's upper arm, I pulled at him, unable to spend another second in the apartment. "Hurry it up, Sleeping Beauty. I'll be in the car."