Heart of Man

“Jordan, you asshole! Why didn’t you tell me what he said in Pittsburgh?”

“Relax, Anna!” I gripped onto Kris for dear life, on the verge of tears. Game 3 was in a few hours, and we had just come back from the hospital to do these mystery biopsies Jordan made me do.His hand rubbed my back softly, as the three of us were piled on my bed.

Shaking my head, Kris sighed. His hand behind my head, he pulled me close and placed a kiss on my forehead. “Jordan, please tell her what they said. I can’t stand to see her like this.”

“Ryan!” Tapping the ice, he knocked the puck over to me. I dropped back, veering to the right of the goal, before I heard skates crunch the ice behind me. Trying to dump the puck behind me before we hit the boards, my stick only in one of my hands, I felt the beginning of the check in my back, knocking me off balance.

Trying to get my left footing back, the defensemen behind me, whom I recognized as John Erskine, pushing harder, causing me to nearly lose my right footing. We were a foot from the boards, when I literally slid, him catching my left leg between his 6’ 4”, 220 lbs. of force, and the unmerciful boards.

A jolt of pain shot through my body, but it didn’t register. I laid on the ice, watching the ceiling dance around my eyes, as someone shook me. Faces stood over me, most of them I recognized. “Can you stand, Anna?”

I looked to see Sean Bergenheim, who was next to me, eyes scanning me for any signs of trauma. Narrowing my eyes at him, I nodded. He laced his arm with mine, pulling me up as the trainers backed away, letting us have some room. Not wanting to seem weak in front of all 18,398 attendees in the Verizon Center, and every member of both hockey teams, I pulled away from him, gripping the wall ledge. He shook his head, making another break to drag me to the medical staff off the ice, but I pushed past him. “Я могу сделать это сам.” I can do It myself.

I didn’t feel very much pain. It felt much like a bruise that hurt, but bearable. I noticed Erskine standing next to Harper, but the thought was quickly dismissed as I escaped the mass of bodies on the ice. It didn’t hurt, I would be ready for the next shift. Much to my dismay, I went to put pressure on my left leg, only using my right at that point, when my leg completely collapsed against the ice.

There’s the pain.

Subconsciously curling into myself, holding my leg, I bit my lip so I wouldn’t scream by the rush of pain I felt. Another white jersey came close, my vision blurred, but I shoved their arm away. I tried to bite back the warm tears that were flowing, but it was a pathetic fight that I wasn’t going to win. Not like it mattered anyways. I deserved every inch of pain for what I said. So unsportsmanlike.

“Come here.” I looked up, red jersey in my face, as I recognized the voice. I had spent the entire game avoiding him; it was just something I couldn’t no. Shaking my head, I could barely even speak.

“Yходить.” It was barely a whisper, and I didn’t even mean for it to not be in English. Hell, I couldn’t even form an English sentence at that point. I felt his arm wrap behind me, gripping my side, while I put mine around his neck. He stood slowly, allowing my right skate to grip the ice and help pull myself up. “Оставьте меня в покое.”

“Let me help you.” He took a small step forward, leaning over to whisper in my ear. “I will not leave you alone, because talent like yours shouldn’t be ruined by stupid mistakes. I’m not going to let you fall, Anna.”

~

We rounded the corner to the hallway leading to the medical room, before Semin stopped. He was pretty much supporting my left side, taking every small step with a patience I never knew existed. “Do you want me to go with you?”

I shrugged, not sure what I wanted. My chest felt heavy, and my abdomen was tingling, as I stepped away from him. Gripping the wall, I stood away from him, and out of his grasp, before taking another step. Within seconds, however, he held me as identically as he had before. Sighing, I let him help me stand up, even though I didn’t want to see him right now. I let my tears flow, not even bothering to stop them. Just another reason.

“I take that as a yes.”

~

“Can I help you?” I ignored the doctor’s voice to the newcomer, dreading who it was. I had just gotten onto the bed, with help from one of the trainers. It took a good five minutes to get into new clothes, because of the amount of sweat that was soaked into the previous ones.

“I’m here to check on her.” Almost cringing at the sounds, my eyes closed, silently praying to pass out before he came any closer. It wasn’t his business to be here; they were in between periods, more than likely, giving him even more reason to not be here.

My doctor, I wanted to punch at that particular moment. “Alright. Keep the lights dimmed like they are, and watch her for a few minutes. I need to go get something from Washington’s doctor.” Just let the asshat in here, why don’t you? Further add to what I’m feeling.

“I will.”

A door opened, and then shut, before any other sound was made. Keeping my eyes closed, I ignored Alex Semin’s presence in the room, until I felt the ice on my leg being moved. Sitting up as quick as I could, ignoring my leg’s protests, I pushed his hand off of the ice pack. He stood there, arm outreached, only looking at me. The dry pair of shorts and underarmour I put on, did nothing to relieve the shivers that travelled down my spine, as he looked back to my leg. The majority of my thigh was purpled, with tints of blue, the worst part around the somewhat fading 3 inch line.

“How is it?” Leaning back against the wall, instead laying straight down, I didn’t even bother to make eye contact to respond.

“It’s fine.” I should have known he was up to something. Maybe he was just going to tell Harper how bad it was. That way they’d come up with some godforsaken plan to win the series, and leave us hanging out to dry.

“Can I see?” I wanted to say something along the lines of ‘It’s none of your goddamn business.’, but I didn’t even feel like I had the energy to do that. Sufficing with only shaking my head, I focused on the clock that rested on the counter a few feet away. “Why can I not see, Anna? If I didn’t care, I wouldn’t be standing here.”

I opened my mouth to respond, my throat dry from not knowing how to act, or what to say. “Just leave me alone, alright? I don’t want to see you, I don’t want to talk to you, I don’t want to have anything to do with you.” My voice came out barely above a whisper, but it wasn’t long before his voice began to grow firmer.

“What did I do wrong, Anna?” I glanced at him, trying not to make it too painstakingly obvious. His face held a look of confusion, and anger, which stirred something deep inside of me. “Anna..”

“Don’t Anna me, Semin. It’s nothing you did, alright? I’m just a stupid, pathetic excuse for a person, if I even qualify as that.” Watching his brow crease in further thought, I couldn’t help but wonder how long it would be until I could see my apartment again, and just sleep away my problems. Even three or four hours, and I would be happy.

“Why wouldn’t you talk to me on the ice?” Groaning internally, I placed my hands on my face, praying to whatever divine force was out there, that I would move my hands away, and he would be gone.

“What are you talking about?”

“Are you kidding me? You flat-out avoided me the entire time. I even tried to get Malone to get you to talk to me, but you refused. What is going on with you?” Gulping, the memory of snapping at my linemate was still depressingly fresh in my mind. Gripping the ice pack, I moved it away from the injury, and moved my head away so he couldn’t see the embarrassment obvious on my face.

“I’m weak, and i’m just so fucking ashamed of myself right now, and you just remind me. I shouldn’t have gone to you that night. I shouldn’t have vented to you. I shouldn’t have trusted you.” Scooting up to where I was closer to him, I felt most of my anger come spiraling back. Whether it was at Harper, him, or myself, the guilt I felt was extremely over-bearing, to the point of just looking at him made me want to cry. Who acts like I did, these days?

His hands grasped the sides of my face, forcing me to look up at him. He used his thumb to wipe away a few of the tears that were there, not even bothering to say anything for a few moments. My abdomen began to feel heavy, and the unusual butterfly feeling made me extremely unnerved. The fuck is going on?

Biting my lip, watching for any change in him, before a quiet cough sounded at the door. Within moments, we both snapped our eyes to the door, where Erika Harper stood, looking anywhere but at us. “Sorry Sasha, but coach sent me to find you. He’s not very happy that you slipped out during intermission. In fact, he’s pretty pissed.”

Occupying myself with my nails that I had painted blue for playoffs, I dismissed her statement. I didn’t have time to worry about her, only making it back onto the ice before the end of the night. “Don’t be sorry. Your teammate was just checking on me. Please apologize to Boudreau on my behalf. It won’t happen again.” Sliding off of the bed, onto my right foot, I tried pushing past the Russian who refused to move, with great difficulty.

“Will do. Good luck with your recovery, and such... hope its fast.” I merely nodded at her words, unsure if I would take them to heart, or not. Regardless if I recovered or not, I’d still be playing. She made a quick gesture to her teammate. “C’mon, Semin.”

I grabbed the support gauze from the table, before sliding back onto the bed. Harper made her exit, whether it was back to the Capitals’ area, or right outside the door to wait for Semin. Extending my leg and biting my tongue through the pain, he made his way towards the door. “Anna..”

Shaking my head, I interrupted his sentence, emotionally unable to comprehend any more. “Just go.”

In seconds, I was left to myself, wiping alcohol on my leg to kill the germs, and begin wrapping, cringing every time I pulled too tightly. Attaching the metal clasps between the end of the wrap, and the parts below it, our doctor walked in and froze. “Is this a good idea, Anna?”

~

“God damn, Anna.”

I snapped my head behind to me, to see a very angry Boucher. I had missed the second and third periods, but once Marty came in to tell me that we were going into overtime, I finished getting dressed and snuck onto the bench. Needless to say, I obviously wasn’t very welcome. “Relax. It’ll be fine.”

“One chance. You have one chance, or I swear to God, you are done with the playoffs. Do not risk anything you don’t have to. I can’t lose any more players.” He kneeled down, looking at me for a minute, before sighing. Resuming his position, he shouted along the bench. “Heads up, let’s go back to normal. Anna, Steven, Vincent, you guys are next.”

~

“You know, I didn’t go out there, expecting to score. I’m happy with my assist to Vinny, but as long as I could help, I wanted to be out there. We can’t afford to lose. I hope we can go to the very end with this thing. Washington is a tough team to beat, but I think we are up to the challenge.”

“What about your injury in today’s game? Can you tell us anymore about that?” I shrugged at the man, just kind of chilling out in my stall, half-undressed.

“Accidents happen. Erskine made a great check, and it just knocked me around pretty good. I wish I could make that kind of impact myself on the ice.” He nodded, before turning away.

“We don’t hear much about pre-game rituals on the Tampa end of things. Do you have any that you do on a consistent basis?” The older man questioned, obviously trying to break the ice in the air.

Smiling, I looked at him directly, holding my hand out for him to see. “I paint my nails with my team’s colour. It’s something I’ve done since I was a child, and I don’t feel right not doing it. During the winter in Omsk, my captain Alexei hid my Avangard bottles, and I went pointless for two weeks. I’m pretty sure it’s just a comfort factor, but it’s something I follow through with.”

A blonde woman scooted closer, a bright smile on her face. “Miss Trovato, do you have any words on what happened during Game 1? That all seemed to change in tonight’s game. What can you tell us about it?”

Shrugging again, I looked at her. “You know, I’m not really sure what I was thinking. I was bringing up old problems that have been put in the past. It was wrong of me, and while we all let our emotions get the best of us, it was a mistake on my part, and one that I hope to never have again. As for tonight, it’s just hockey. It wasn’t the time for words or problems. I can’t just worry about myself; I have to worry about my entire time.”

“When the Capitals’ forward Alex Semin helped you off the ice, nearly everyone on both sides looked shocked, especially after game 1, including how both of you were acting towards each other. What was that all about?”

“It’s just hockey..” I felt my face heat up, the mention of his name, and the memory from before Harper interrupted us. The look on his face; Was he going to kiss me?

Did I want him to?

~

It felt so fucking good to be back in the Forum, and the moment Ryan’s goal went in, the cheering that was gone in the past two games, came back tenfold. We were 4-3, despite Ovechkin and a few others rising up in the second period.

While we were cheering for both Steven and Ryan, goals 24 seconds apart, I looked over to the Capitals’ bench, where Harper smashed her stick, cursing like a sailor. Raising my eyebrow, I continued observing the others, before reaching Semin, who looked on at his captain, helpless. Maybe I might have been wrong.

Scratch that. I was wrong.

”She’s cancer-free. Congratulations.”