Heart of Man

Anna Trovato

trovato28 Tolley and I after game! :) #NorwayIsBA http://yfrog.com/b2f64d
trovato28 Russia game tomorrow! :)

Satisfied with the second tweet, I sent it seconds after, as we piled into the locker room, to get undressed. Norway had put up a fight, and my entire body was drenched in sweat. But it was worth it. Pulling the win meant we’d face Russia tomorrow night. Winning that game, would mean we’d face whoever else in Finals.

We’d have a shot at gold.

My phone vibrated against the wood, as I slid the skate guards on my skates, and slid them into my bag. Pulling my pads off, they quickly joined the skates, and before long, I was left in my spandex, shorts, and underarmour.

Knicking my finger on the zipper of my bag, I turned the phone to face me, unable to stop smiling from the tweets.

GreenLife52 @trovato28 Sweet game! #howmanypointsdoyouhavenow
ovi8 @trovato28 Anna(((

Ignoring Ovechkin’s tweet, I typed a quick response, before pulling our team shirt on, and taking my place as the media began to file in.

trovato28 @GreenLife52 :) How's everything going in DC? #6totalnow

“Miss Trovato, my name is Pavel Lysenkov. May I have a few moments?”

~

Snuggling into my blankets, I held the phone in front of my eyes, as Jarkko got our dinner set up. Nothing like a European version of Americanized take-out.

dchesnokov @trovato28 snags 2 goals and 2 assists with Finland against Norway #IIHF
plysenkov @trovato28 's interview with SovSport will be online soon! #greatkid #potential
GreenLife52 @trovato28 Great! Packing now. Cute picture, by the way. You had your phone with you?

“Anna, I thing I got it all figured out. Yours is on that side, I think. It kind of all looks the same.” Rolling over in my blanket mountain to see Jarkko cocking an eyebrow at me, I began to mumble, before sliding out.

trovato28 @GreenLife52 We might have taken pictures when Jalonen wasn’t looking. #yaybench

Diving into the food, I chewed thoughtfully, wondering when the first Washington game would be. I’d probably go ballistic if I couldn’t watch it. The nagging feeling hadn’t gone away yet, even though nothing had happened, which worried me even more.

GreenLife52 @trovato28 Yep. That's it. We're taking pictures one day.
trovato28 @GreenLife52 :D

~

Hesitating to pick up the phone, I held the blackberry in my hand, wiping the sweat that was probably forming on my forehead. Kneeling on my bed, I laid on my stomach, and propped my elbow up. Breathing in, my hands stopped shaking, as I hit the green button. "Hello?"

“Hey Anna, it’s Roxy. Everything okay? Got your voicemail.”

Unable to not breathe a sigh of relief, I hoped no news was good news. "Oh, yeah, I guess. We just got in from the Norway game. Is everything okay there? I didn't mean to worry you or anything."

“Yeah, things have been going fantastic. Resting up for our next series, team bonding, it’s been great.” She paused for a moment. “Who do you want me to keep an eye on?”

Gulping, I dropped my side of my head onto the bed, keeping my eyes looking out of the window. The same heavy feeling hadn't left since the game started, and didn't seem determined to leave any time soon. "Um, as long as you don't mind, okay? I don't want to be a problem, but I'm worried about A-.. Semin."

I should just be out with it. He would be the end of me.

“Alexander Semin of the Washington Capitals, huh? I can definitely keep an eye on him for you. Anything happens and I’ll make sure he’ll be fine for you to see him again.”

"Thank you. It really means so much, to come back and, well, you know. I mean, I would have asked Erika or someone, but.." I sighed, closing my eyes, beginning to feel like I was rambling. "It's complicated."

“How complicated?”

Shaking my head, I had no idea how to explain it. "He called me the other night, and maybe half an hour before you just called just now.”

“What did he have to say?”

"I didn't answer. He left a voicemail both times.”

“You seem rather uncertain about wanting his attention…he make you uncomfortable?”

"It's not that I don't want his attention, and it's not that it makes me uncomfortable," I rubbed the back of my neck, frustrated with how I felt about the man in question. What girl wouldn’t want attention from someone she might have had a small crush on? But uncomfortable wouldn’t even come close to describing what he did to me. "I just don't know what to do."

“Anna, believe me, the more you talk to him the more you’ll understand what to do. It’ll come to you in time but not if you run from it. I certainly learned that lesson a lot.”

"I don't know what to say to him, Roxy. It's hard enough to figure out how I feel about him, how can I just talk to him on the phone like it’s a damn every day conversation?"

“Shit Anna, you’re right. That does complicate things. But it has to start somewhere right?”

"You don't understand, though, Roxy. You had Tuukka from the beginning, and it's so hard. I'm just going to babble and I won't be able to talk. But then if I don't, and something bad happens, the guilt would set in." I smacked my forehead, feeling the migraine start to set in. I probably wasn’t even making sense, and Erika would probably have the answers I needed. God knows they probably wouldn’t stay private for long, though. "I think I like him, Roxanne."

“Well I’m glad you do because I feel like you two would make an adorable couple!” She was quiet for a few seconds, but quickly continued. “Shit, trying to think of the right words to say next but I’m coming up with nothing.”

"But he doesn't like me! I can't talk to him like this! I'll be a hysteric mess!" My heart race was beginning to speed up, making me freak out a bit. Looking over to Jarkko's empty bed, I was thankful he wasn't here to witness my breakdown. "Especially after everything, he wouldn't want to be with me."

Adorable? That wouldn’t be us..

What would my dad say?

“Now how do you know if he truly doesn’t like you? From what I saw, which might not be enough evidence to weigh in on this, but it seems like he is rather intrigued by you.”

"Oh, great. He's intrigued, but he doesn't like me." I huffed. "He kissed me once, and stuff, but I'm serious. I don't know what he's thinking, and it scares me."

“It’s a common fear when it comes to falling for someone. You seriously can never figure out what men are thinking.” She laughed. “Seriously though, you should just try, okay? What do you have to lose? He isn’t on your team and the pain will go away after awhile. And if it works out? Imagine the happiness.”

"But I don't want to deal with any pain, period. I like him, I really do, but then sometimes, it feels like I'm back to square one. He confuses me to the point of where I want to rip my hair out, but then the next day, he's absolutely perfect." Gulping, I thought about what would happen if I did call. "What do I say to him, if I call him back?"

“Tell him everything you told me. Get it all out and get it all straight with both of you.”

Sure. Let me just call him up, let him know that even though I went at him for the better part of the series, and was a total bitch to him, that I’m attracted to him. That one is going to go over well.

"Are you crazy? I can't tell him. He'll think I'm just some weirdo!"

“No he will not. If he is a true man, he will listen and understand everything and will not judge you. If he is worth the stress you are suffering over him, he will not think you are a weirdo for thinking this. He will help you. If he doesn’t, then he isn’t worth this pain.”

"I just don't know, because the chance of ruining whatever friendship we sort of have, is there." I clutched my head in my hands, trying not to imagine all of the possibilites. "Do you have any idea how hard it was to not do anything, at the end of our last game? How badly I just.."

“Just what Anna?”

Might as well just get it out there, right?
"Sometimes, I just want things to die down, so I don't have to face the rejection. Promise me you won't tell him any of this? Towards the end, I kind of enjoyed ticking him off, and pushing his buttons. When we'd talk, it felt so right, and when he came to the locker room that night," I shivered, thinking back. "I can still feel the butterflies. After they won, he was just so happy, and it made me smile to see him like that. I can't even begin to describe the temptation to kiss him."

“I will never, ever tell him this Anna. I would not do such a thing. And that temptation? I know that temptation. Long before I dated Tuukka, whenever he was so proud of a win he had that day and he had that smile on his face when telling me about it…shit I wanted to jump him!”

"Uh, I haven't thought that far about Alex, um, outside of.. Yes. Temptation." I couldn't help but laugh at her remembering of before her and Tuukka were together, while ignoring the thoughts that went through my head at first, concerning the Washington winger. "That would certainly have been a sight."

“Oh yeah was it a sight…damn it was so long ago too.” I sighed before continuing. “I’m sorry I have to cut this short, but I have to go. Promise me though that you will talk to Alex, okay? Try and face this like the strong hockey player you are instead of running from it. I know you can do it.”

I frowned at her words. If I was strong, I'd be able to do this. "It's not a problem. Sorry for being such a baby about this. I'd love to promise that I will, but I can at least try? Promise you'll keep an eye on him for me? I've got to get through the next few days, with some fragment of my sanity."

“We all need some sanity these days, tell me about it. And I promise to keep an eye on Semin for you, you have my word. And I know you can’t promise that you will, but I know you will try and there is nothing wrong with promising to try.”

"Thanks for hearing me out, Roxy. It feels good to get everything off of my shoulders, if at least for a moment."

“As it should. It’s never healthy to bottle everything up. Everyone needs to vent their issues, no matter what they are. Good luck with everything.”

"Have a good evening, and take it easy with the baby Rask."

“Thank you Anna, I am, the little Rask is doing damn well. Take it easy as well! Nice hearing from you.”

"Ooooraaaaaange juice!" I couldn't help but giggle, feeling a small surge of energy come about. "Talk to you later.”

Clicking the phone off, I thought about what she said, about calling him. Scrolling through my phone contacts, I tapped the one that read ‘Alex Semin’, same as it had. It was a shame I had never deleted it, after the Olympics.

It began to dial audibly, before I felt as if a brick slapped me. Pulling the battery out of the phone, I tossed the pieces to the other end of my bed, and dived under the covers. I couldn’t do this.

~

/**In Russian**/

The urge to let myself faint when he answered the phone, was tremendous. The heart attack as the phone rang for a good minute, the hesitation of breathe on whether he would answer or not.

“Hey Anna. Everything going alright? You didn’t answer my phone calls.” I gulped, as the voice I had grown accustomed to bled through the device.

“Yeah, about that. I need to talk to you about something.” I rubbed my cheek, feeling the obvious warmth. It was the effect he had over me, even by just being on the other end of the phone.

“I’m not going anywhere, so ask.”

His phrases were short, again knocking me back into reality of why I was actually doing this. Or where I even go the courage to redial his phone number, let alone sit around and wait for him to answer. “I like you.”

It was quiet for a moment in my room, but especially quiet on the other end of the line. “Uh, Anna, that’s sweet and all, but I’m not interested in a relationship. Right now. With you. I’ve got to go.”

The call went dead, as I looked at the screen. It lit up the wall behind me, due to all the lights being off. I could feel the tears brimming, and everything Roxy had said, fall to pieces.