Save Your Heart

“Are you okay?” I asked.

Derek played with his keys more. “You’re an amazing friend, you know?” I promptly grabbed his hand to stop him from jingling his keys. He took a deep breath and looked up at me with a smile. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay. Thank you. Is that why you wanted to talk to me?”

“Kind of.”

His hand felt clammy in mine. He looked down again. He was nervous about something. “Derek, is everything okay?”

He shifted in the passenger seat to face me. He bit his lip before talking. “I...I don’t know how to say this, so I’m just going to...come out with it. I heard you talking to Natalie earlier today. You’re just so amazing.”

“No, Derek, I’m...”

He scuffed in frustration. “Ry, listen to me. As much as you don’t think so, you are amazing. I want to spend everyday for the rest of my life convincing you that you are.”

I looked at him in awe. “Um...what?”

“People might think I’m mistaking this for something else, but I’m willing to prove them wrong. They might think it’s too soon to say this, but I don’t care. Right now, all I care about is you and the fact that I think I love you.”

My heart was racing at this point. I felt my hands get clammy as well. I swear that fireworks were exploding in my head and in stomach at the same time. I smiled. I couldn’t stop smiling. “Really?” I cooed. It was the only word that came to mind. Derek nodded then kissed me softly on my forehead. “My cheeks hurt. I think I’m smiling too hard.”

He laughed a big belly laugh and put his hands on each side of my face. “You’re too cute.” I kiss his nose lightly. He pressed his forehead against mine. A huge smile was plastered on both of our faces.

+++

As I closed the door to the apartment, I squeaked with happiness. “Look at you all smiles.” Natalie greeted me as I leaned against the door with a smile still on my face. She had changed into sweat pants and a big t-shirt and was sitting on the couch eating a bowl of popcorn. I squealed and jumped up and down. I couldn’t contain myself. Natalie looked at me with a confused look on her face. I clutched my chest.

“He told me he loves me!” The words still seemed foreign. I still couldn’t believe it. Natalie jumped off of the couch and into my arms. We spun around in circles hugging each other.

“OH MY GOD! I told you!” She yelled. She grabbed my hands in hers and we jumped up and down and giggled together like little kids. “So is my little Rylin taken now?”

We stopped jumping up and down. “I’m not sure.” I replied and bit my lip to keep myself from smiling too much.

Natalie grabbed my cheeks. “Look at how happy you are. I should send Derek a thank you card for making you so smiley. I think this calls for a dance party.” She walked over to our stereo and turned on N’Sync.

When we first moved into our apartment together, Natalie and I would have weekly dance parties to old songs we listened to when we were kids. That was before all the boys. That was before I had college. That was before we grew up. That night, we danced the night away together. I was glad to see Natalie laughing and having a good time. I was glad to just be really happy for a change.

+++

“Hey, beautiful.” His voice sounded sweet and caring through the phone. I giggled in return as I felt my stomach do a leap. I pulled up the sleeves on my shirt to start doing the dishes that had piled up in the sink over the past few days. “How are you?”

“I’m peachy. How are you?” Dishes were clanking and banging as I moved them around.

“I’m wonderful. What the hell is going on over there?”

“World War III.” I replied. I removed all of the dishes from the sink and put them onto the counter. Then I grabbed a plate from the pile and covered it in hot water.

“Oh. That’s nice. Be careful.” He said as cool as a cucumber. “Do you have any plans for tonight?”

I grabbed another dish from the pile and put the soapy sponge to it. “Yeah, I do. I have plans with this guy. He’s kind of cute.”

“Oh...” Derek’s voice trailed off into sadness. How could he even think I would be talking about someone else?

I couldn’t help but laugh as I placed the dish on the other side of the sink to dry and grabbed another one from the dirty pile. “Derek! The guy is you, silly.”

“Oh.” He said again, except this time it was followed by a nervous laugh.

“No one makes me smile like you do. There’s can’t be another guy.”

I could almost hear Derek smile through the phone. “Good, I really hope not.” I moved onto the dirty pile of cups. “So it’s a date?”

“Of course!” I replied sweetly. My heart skipped a beat just thinking of seeing him again. I heard the bathroom door close. “I have to go, but I’ll see you tonight!” He told me he would pick me up at 6:00 and we said our goodbyes. I quickly finished washing the last cup and pulled down my sleeves.

“Hey.” Natalie greeted groggily when she emerged from the bathroom. She had an oversized t-shirt on and her hair was pulled up into a loose ponytail. “What time is it?”

“Almost noon. That should be a record for you, right?” I replied with a half smile drying off some dishes. Natalie scoffed and shook her head at me as she reached into one of the cabinets and grabbed some poptarts. She hopped up onto the counter and dangled her legs over the edge.

“What are you up to tonight?” She asked shoving a large piece of poptart in her mouth.

I gave her a disgusted look, then chuckled. “I’m going out with Derek. Is that okay?”

“Psh, of course. You don’t need my permission. I was just asking out of curiosity...and to see if it was alright for me to go tonight.”

I rolled my eyes and chuckled. “I’m glad you’re recovered.”

“Pat can go fuck himself.” She bluntly announced taking another bite of poptart. We both laughed probably harder than we should have. “So date night with the boyfriend, huh?” She said when our laughing subsided.

I started putting away the dishes that had been washed. “He’s not my boyfriend.”

“Yeah, okay.” Natalie replied with sarcasm in her voice. She jumped down from the counter and started putting away dishes, too. “You’re together 95% of the time, the way you guys look at each other makes me sick, you’ve already told each other ‘I love you’, and you’re trying to tell me he’s not your boyfriend?”

I replayed the events of the previous night in my head. I stared at Natalie blankly. “I didn’t tell him I love him back...”

Her jaw dropped. “What? He told you he loved you and you said nothing back?” Natalie stopped putting dishes into the cabinet and rested her hand on her hip.

“No.” I stopped as well.

“Why?”

“I’m just scared I guess.” I bit my lip. I really was scared. The last time I told a guy I loved them, it didn’t end up well. I didn’t want to let someone all the way in only to get hurt. I was tired of being hurt. I picked up the last dish that was on the counter and placed it into the cabinet and closed the door.

Natalie walked over to me and put her arm around my shoulders. “Aw Ry. It’ll be okay.”