Save Your Heart

Ashley and I watched the show together and clapped, danced, and sang all night long. I couldn’t stop smiling. It was by far the best night I had had in a long time. The energy in the room, the music booming through my body, the bright lights flashing everywhere, it all made me feel so good. It was as if all my problems were left at the door and all that mattered was me and the music. I loved every minute of it. I never wanted to leave.

The show ended about an hour later. All the guy walked off the stage sweating and breathing heavily. Jeremy jogged directly towards Ashley, grabbed her tightly, and kissed her forehead, then her lips. I grinned at them. They looked so happy and in love. A sudden sadness fled over me thinking about how much I wanted something like that. I never knew what love like that felt like, nor was I sure if I believed in love for me. I felt someone poke my side and I looked in back of me. There was a sweaty Derek smiling down at me.

“So? How did you like it?”

“I loved it! You’re amazing, all of your guys are. I’m so proud.”

Derek went to respond when Jake came up to us. “Rylin, you should totally come party with us tonight!” I could feel the whole band gawking at me in anticipation. I felt Derek’s hand slither down my side and clutch mine. I couldn’t think of anything else to say, but yes. The band high fived me and slapped me on the back with approval. “Sweet!” Jake called out. “We need to go do signings first, then we can go.” Derek told me to go follow Ashley and that they would meet up with us in a few minutes.

I followed Ashley to the band’s tour bus and we sat on a small couch located in the front of the bus together.

“You and Cabbage look so in love. It’s refreshing.” I told her.

She gave me a sincere smile and giggled a bit. “Thank you so much. That’s so sweet of you. We’ve been together for over two years.”

“That’s wonderful.”

“Now all we have to do is work on you and Derek.”

The overwhelming feeling of sadness took over me again. “That won’t work.”

My face must have showed my feeling since Ashley scooted closer to me on the couch we were sitting on. She placed her arm around my shoulder. “Aw sweetie. Why don’t you think so?”

“Because no one would like me, especially Derek.”

“That’s silly to think. I bet you’ve had your share of boyfriends. You’re such a pretty and sweet girl.” She rubbed my shoulder to comfort me. I looked down, I could feel tears forming in my eyes as I thought about what I was going to say next. “I really mean it, Ry.”

“I’ve never had a boyfriend.” The words burned as they left my mouth. Even though everyone knew this about me, I had never said it out loud. In the back of my mind, I’ve known it and there have been a couple of nights where I would cry myself to sleep feeling bad for myself. For the most part, I’ve concentrated so much on my school work and my future, I never really thought about it, until now. I reminded myself that I had always been an outcast. No one has ever confessed to me that they liked me or thought I was remotely attractive. I know to some people it doesn’t seem like a big deal and it never was to me, but at this moment it was and it hurt. I felt Ashley envelop me in her arms and rub my back. I felt more and more tears well up in my eyes. Ashley got up from the couch to grab a box of tissues. She then took one out of the box and dabbed my cheeks with it.

“You’re too pretty to cry. It’ll be okay.” She said. Even though a part of me felt she didn’t mean what she had said, hearing her say those words eased me. I didn’t feel the earn to cry anymore. I worked up a smile and told her I was okay.

We looked around the bus and realized we were still the only ones there after about 20 minutes. We decided to go look for the guys. When we stepped off the bus we saw Cabbage, Alex, Brooks, and Jake still mobbed with a swarm of fans, mostly girls, around them. Each of them were signing something. I followed Ashley as she walked over towards Cabbage. They smiled at each other and Cabbage went back to signing a t-shirt. The girl whose t-shirt he was signing commented on how pretty Ashley was and how Cabbage and her made a cute couple. They thanked the girl and I smiled. I stayed close to Ashley for the next few minutes while the guys finished signing and taking pictures. After about ten minutes, every said their good-byes and headed towards the bus.

“Where’s Derek?” Jake asked out loud reading my mind. We all looked around and saw no sign of Derek. I saw that everyone was tied and sweaty, so I offered go look for him. I made my way back into the venue. I asked a few security guys if they saw him. Only one of them told me they saw him go into the green room that was located in the back of the venue. I ventured my way through the building asking different employees where I could find the green room. My sense of direction is horrible. After a multiple wrong turns, I heard people fighting, I recognized one of the voices to be Derek’s. I followed the sound into a room that was green, who knew. I took a quick peak into the room to see a sweaty and flustered Derek throwing his arms in the air as he fought with a girl standing in front of him. My heart sank into my stomach when I saw her. She was beautiful; she was short and cute, she had bleach blonde hair that went down to her shoulders, her eyes were bluer than the sea, she had a perfect figure. If she was taller, she could have been a model. She had her arms folded in front of her and whenever she got a moment of silence from Derek, she would yell at him back. I quickly hid behind a wall so they wouldn’t see me. I couldn’t decipher what they were fighting about, but it seemed it was about a girl. I didn’t want to listen anymore, so I put my hands to my ears. I kept holding my hands to my ears until I felt footsteps coming towards the door. I scooted further into a dark corner next to me so no one could see me. The girl came walking out rather quickly, she looked mad. I waited to see if Derek would follow her, but he didn’t.

I walked into the room to see Derek sitting on one of the brown leather couches with his head in his hands. I carefully sat down next to him and put my hand on his back. “Are you okay?” I whispered.

“You heard that, huh?” He replied.

“Yeah. Everyone was getting ready to leave so I came to find you. I wasn’t eavesdropping I swear,”...I looked up realizing I was lying a little bit. “or maybe I was, but I didn’t...”

Derek lifted his head and interrupted me, “It’s fine.” His eyes were red like he had been crying.

“Are you fine though?” I asked again. He said nothing in return. He glared at me for the longest time. I couldn’t help but stare back. His eyes looked sad, but nice. I felt my heart leap back into my chest again and beat a million miles per second. I didn’t realized I did it until after the fact, but I clutched my chest to see if I was alright. Luckily Derek didn’t catch this as he still had his eyes on my face. All of a sudden, he laid down on the couch and placed his head on my lap. He told me that the girl who was in the room was named Lexi. She was his ex. He told me their whole story about how in love they were, how when his band got big, she got jealous and started spending her time with other guys. I was sure he was going to cry when he told me about their break-up. I brushed my fingers through his hair and it seemed to calm him down. My heart wasn’t beating so fast, but I could still hear drumming loudly in my ears. Maybe Natalie was right after all, maybe I did like this boy. I didn’t realize it until now. The only thing Derek failed to tell me was what they were fighting about. I figured he didn’t want to talk to about it so I didn't pry.

“Thank you.” Derek spoke softly and genuinely as he sat up on the couch.

“For what?”

“Listening.” He said with a smile. He kissed the side of my head. I bit my lip in efforts not to giggle. We both got up from the couch and started our way towards the bus outside.