Save Your Heart

I opened my eyes to an empty and dark bedroom. It smelled of soap and a sweet cologne. I rubbed my eyes and propped myself up on my elbows. The room was pitch black, I couldn’t see a thing. I didn’t even plan on sleeping this long. The apartment was quite, too. I got out of bed to see if anyone was here. The apartment was dark, too, except for the bright light coming from the TV. I saw Derek sitting by himself on the couch clicking through the channels. Everyone must have left while I was sleeping. I smiled to myself. His hair was half wet, he must have just gotten out of the shower, which would explain the smell in the bedroom. He had on a blue faded t-shirt and grey jeans. I must have made a noise as I walked towards him, because he jumped a little and looked in my direction. Once again, a huge smile spread across his face. Seeing someone smile that big just because of me made me so special and good. I’ve never had that feeling before. I sat down next to him on the couch and brought my knees up to my chest. He smelled exactly like the bedroom did. He was still warm from his shower, so I scooted closer towards him. He put his arm around my shoulder and gave me a squeeze. “How’s your headache?” He asked.

“I guess it’s gone since I forgot all about it.” I chuckled.

“Good.”

We sat in front of the TV in silence as Derek continued to flip through the channels. We could have watched the weather channel and I wouldn’t have cared, sitting so close to Derek and spending time with him and no one else was all I needed. Words couldn’t describe how happy I was at that moment. There was nothing on, so we ended up watching Cartoon Network and laughing at stupid jokes.

The cartoon we were watching ended. Silence surrounded the room again and Derek started flipping through the channels again. The question that I have been dying to ask Derek since Ashley told me about the night before was swimming through my brain dying to jump out. “Derek?”

“Yeah?” He answered, his eyes still clinging to the television screen.

I repositioned myself to face him. I took a deep breath and let it out. “Why didn’t you tell me I kissed you when I drunk?”

Derek’s finger stopped pressing the remote. The channel the TV landed on was the Home and Garden’s channel. Derek looked at me with a shocked expression. “Um...I didn’t think you remembered that.” He looked down and picked at his fingernails. I looked down as well.

“I didn’t, Ashley told me about it.”

“I didn’t want to be any more embarrassed, I guess.” He replied still looking down. I stared at the TV in front in hopes that I wouldn’t cry. I bit my lip, thought of happy things, did everything I could not to cry. I felt my eyes watering anyways. My facial expression must have showed this, because Derek asked me what was wrong.

“Nothing.” I said immediately in hopes he would believe me. A single tear fell down my face. A sting went through my cheek as I felt Derek’s thumb catch the tear before it dropped off my chin.

“Bullshit.”

“If I tell you, it could ruin our friendship forever.” I still watched the TV. I was scared to look at him. If I looked at him, I knew I would want to cry even more. I could sense Derek staring at me. His eyes were burning into my head. Thank goodness mind reading didn’t exist, my thoughts could make everything crash down.

Suddenly, Derek gently touched my chin and moved my head towards him so I was looking at him. He looked at me so intently. “You know you can tell me anything.”

I looked down once again, not wanting to cry. “Thank you, but I don’t want to ruin this friendship.” I played with my fingers nervously. “You’re the best friend I have ever had.”

He lifted my head up. with his pointer finger. “What if I promised you that I wouldn’t let this friendship be ruined?”

I took a deep breath. I trusted him. He was one of the only people I trusted. If he said that he wouldn’t let our friendship go, then I believed him. “I finally did the one thing I’ve been wanting to do for the past few weeks and I don’t even remember it.” I spoke softly as if my words would break me, they almost did. After I said it, I couldn’t believe I had the guts to admit it. Derek didn’t reply, he just gawked at me for what seemed like an eternity. I turned my head towards the TV. I couldn’t stand to look at him. A lump appeared in my throat. I wanted to run, escape. I wanted to take back all that I said. I knew it was the wrong thing to do. One of the best things in my life will probably be gone in a matter of seconds, because he didn’t feel the same way. No one ever felt the same way I did about them. I couldn’t say I didn’t blame them.

Abruptly, the TV screen went black, as did the whole room until a tiny light on the end of couch went on. It lit up the room faintly. Derek got up from the couch after turning on the light and stood in front of me. He then took my hands in his and pulled me up from the couch. He had a blank look on his face. His dark blonde hair was dry now and tucked behind each of his ears. We were standing no more than an inch away from each other. The corners of his mouth went slightly up. The lump in my throat was slowly demolishing after I saw his smile. He stepped forward a bit so our bodies were touching. His body against mine felt so good. He let go of my hands and put them on my hips. His face got closer to mine. I traced the outline of his lips with my eyes. Finally, he broke the silence. “That was no way to have a first kiss.” He told me in almost a whisper. He leaned in closer and I did the same. I closed my eyes as I felt his lips brush against mine. With each second, his lips pressed against mine harder. I kissed him back softly. His hands were now resting on the small of my back underneath my shirt. I felt him tracing every curve my backbone made with his fingers as he continued to kiss me.

Do you remember being so excited to see fireworks as a kid, your whole body tense with anticipation. You just could not wait to see the beautiful colors booming in the sky. The when you finally hear that first crash, you would jump up and down for joy and smile really big. You would watch those fireworks with awe as they painted the sky. That’s how I felt at this moment and Derek was my firework.

I pulled away from the kiss suddenly. A sad look appeared on Derek’s face. His arms wrapped around my torso while his hands were still under shirt. “Don’t kiss me just because you feel bad for me.” I blurted out in a low voice.

His sad face turned to a confused expression as his eyebrows furrowed. “Why would you think such a thing?”

“I know you’re not doing it because you like me.” I backed off from Derek’s arms and looked down. It hurt to say, but I knew it was true. It had to be.

Derek grabbed my hand before I could take a step away. “Rylin, what are you talking about?” He really looked confused. He held onto my hand tightly as if I was going to run away. My legs wanted to run to be honest, but my heart was the anchor making me stay.

“Who would like me, Derek?” The lump was coming back to my throat and my face felt hot. “I’m not good enough for anyone to like or even love. I never have been and I never will.” I was crying, not just tears, real crying with the sobbing and all.

“Oh, sweetie, come here.” Derek squeezed my hand and pulled me towards him. He folded his arms around my waist and let me cry into his shoulder. I don’t know why, but I couldn’t stop crying. I cried a lot. It never takes much to set off a tear in my eye. Usually I can stop myself from crying at anytime, but this time I couldn’t. Derek rubbed my back calming me down.

“I’m sorry about that.” I mumbled with a sniffle.

“Can you promise me that you’ll believe the next thing that I’m about to say?” Derek asked. He lifted my chin up with his finger. His blue eyes looked happy. I nodded with a weak smile. He wiped the remaining tears from my eyes with each of his thumbs. “You’re so beautiful. I’ve thought that about you from the moment I met you, Rylin.” His thumb traced the side of my face softly until he landed on my chin. “I wouldn’t kiss you for any other reason other than liking you, I’m not that kind of guy.”

I stared at him in shock. I couldn’t believe what came out of his mouth. No one had ever said something like that to me before, let alone a guy, let alone a guy that I have liked. He bit his lip and whispered, “Say something.” I didn’t know what to say. It was hard to believe him, because I thought of myself as a girl who was beautiful. I was a girl who kept promises. I was trying to convince myself that Derek would never lie and what he said was real.

“I’m glad you think so.” I finally replied. Those were the only two words that would come to mind when I thought of what to say.

“Let’s spend the day together tomorrow.” He suggested. He took my hands in his and swayed them back and forth happily.

“Like a date?”

“Yeah.” One side of Derek’s mouth went up into a half smile. “A date.”

I shook my head. “You don’t want to go out with me, Derek.”

“The last time you assumed something about me, it was wrong. I wouldn’t count on your notions anymore if I were you.” He replied with a tiny laugh that made me smile. I hated that. He could make me smile even when I didn’t want to, even at the worst moments.

“This is one assumption I know I’m right about though.” I said. Derek shook his head at me, but I continued. “You are one of the best guys that I have ever met. You deserve the world, you deserve someone better than me.”

He pressed his forehead against mine. He had a full smile on his face at this point. “Oh, babe,” He chuckled faintly. “There is no one better than you.” With that, he pressed his lips against mine once again. This time I didn’t pull away. In fact, I enfolded my arms around his neck and squeezed. My heart was beating a million times per minute. Every few seconds, I would smile while we kissed. I couldn’t help myself. I never wanted to let this boy go.