Enjoy the Silence
II
Fever was one of Tommy’s favorite songs to play on stage, instrument wise, considering it was one of the most rocking out songs on Adam’s album. It was in his blood to just rock out his heart and soul in music, this was one of the songs that fulfilled that desire. But one of the moments he loved and hated about it was the kiss that he and Adam shared at the beginning.
He loved the feel of Adam’s lips on his, his tongue rubbing against his, the heat of the moment was what left him with heat coiling in his stomach, and the feel that just for a moment, Adam was his. He hated the fact that it was all for the fan-girls, he hated that the kiss couldn’t be more, he hated that he got hard just from Adam’s seductive nature, and he hated the fact that Adam was not his. The harsh part of reality set in every time the concert ended and he was left to himself.
Tonight was no different. The show had ended with millions of screams, several applauses, and one very thrilled fan-boy that was on the receiving end of Adam’s term ‘tongue-diving.’ Tommy would be lying if he said that the act hadn’t hurt him, that jealousy hadn’t surged through every vein in his body, or that he was totally fine with it. But he wouldn’t admit that to anyone.
Heading backstage after he sat his bass down for the road crew to pack up with all the other instruments, Tommy passed by Monte and Lisa talking about heading out to a club while they were in Rhode Island. They were staying the night at the hotel where their performance was and tonight was one of the best nights to party out. And if there was partying, alcohol was definitely welcomed to Tommy. He was the kind of guy that had a beer or two with every meal he ate.
As he headed to the dressing room to take off his costume and wipe off most of his makeup, he spotted Adam leading a younger boy down the hall with their fingers laced together. He tried to refrain from stopping dead in his tracks and to keep a straight face, thank God for blank expressions and thankfully the makeup was so thick around his eyes that it hid most of his emotions that he felt. His steps slowed but were unnoticed by Adam as he cast a wink and a smile towards Tommy as he passed him with the familiar face that was on the receiving end of the ‘tongue-diving,’ grinning away like a star-struck teenager. No doubt he was, star-struck, Tommy hoped, the man was almost thirty, he knew Adam had enough sense to avoid jailbait.
He turned to see the two heading to Adam’s dressing room that was on the other end of the hallway from the rest of the band’s room. And just as they entered the room, a black tear fell down Tommy’s cheek betraying his will to keep everything he was feeling at bay. Jealousy. Envy. Hate. And most of all, unjustified hurt.
When he turned back around to head onto the dressing room, he jumped with surprise at the person that was standing there. One of his best friends in the band and the guy that seemed to pick up on everything that happened around him, Tommy would’ve held a grudge against him since he knew about Tommy’s secret but it was hard to do that with someone like Longineu. The drummer was too kindhearted to hold anything against so when Longineu only threw his arm around Tommy’s shoulders, walking with him to the dressing room, Tommy welcomed it as he wiped away any traces of his heart shards from his cheek.
Longineu didn’t say anything for a long time as they entered the dressing room, and the two started getting ready for the club that they were heading to with everyone else. Tommy was grateful for that, he hated exposing such vulnerability to anyone, he hated the fact that someone knew his secret, but it was comforting in the least since it was Longineu and no one else. He trusted that the drummer wouldn’t utter a word about it to anyone.
“Are you getting trashed tonight?” Longineu’s question was typical, but his voice cutting through the silence startled Tommy.
He shrugged carelessly as he slipped the faded blue t-shirt on; his face was now clean of any stage makeup aside from the smudged remains of eyeliner. “Maybe. It just depends.”
The drummer was silent for a moment, until he nodded, “Depends on if the fan boy is there with Adam?”
Tommy couldn’t help the small smile spreading across his lips in bitter amusement, yeah, the drummer knew him very well; alcohol killed all the sadness that he felt about his situation, and it was the perfect remedy for nights as such. “Yeah.”
He stared at his reflection for a moment, scanning over every detail of his clothing. The t-shirt was something that he wore almost every day, the cotton fabric was too comfy to resist, the black jeans were snug on his hips, the edges of the shirt slightly covering the studded belt of his. Aside from the dark circles under his eyes from the lack of sleep on a tour bus, he believed he looked nice.
Longineu shook his head at Tommy checking himself out, chuckling to himself, “Well, if that is the case at the club, I hear there are some very beautiful women in Rhode Island, I’m sure they’d be excited to spend the night with a rock star.”
A laugh slipped through Tommy’s lips, “Always great to have a Plan B in every situation.”
“You know it, bro.”
Above the bottle of beer on the counter of the bar, Tommy stared at the entrance of the club. To the casual eye, he’d appear to be looking for someone to come in, but if anyone asked, he’d simply say that he was lost in his thoughts. But if he was being honest with himself, he was waiting for Adam to show up. The black haired man had yet to appear with or without a certain fan boy hanging off his arm, the bassist tried to keep his mind free from thoughts of what might be happening between those two but it was hard not to. That’s where the third beer and the shot of whiskey came in handy.
The storm of thoughts in Tommy’s mind was slowly starting to calm from the alcohol he consumed. The beat of the music playing on the sound system was finally flowing into his ears and he was about to mellow out until the call of nature hit him. Liquor always seemed to go straight to his bladder, so he slipped off the barstool, and headed towards the bathrooms. The plan of watching for Adam, be damned, for the moment.
After taking care of his business, Tommy exited the bathrooms and headed back to his seat, his eyes searching the dance floor for a black haired giant which caused him to bump into a beautiful brown-haired girl. “I’m sorry about—”
She quickly shook her head, “It’s not a problem, I’m a bit of a klutz, it was my fault.” Their eyes met under the dim lights of the bar and Tommy could’ve sworn that she had the most gorgeous pair of green eyes he’d ever seen. They lit up with the smile that overtook her lips, “I’m Samantha.”
He returned her smile and was about to head off when a flash of light brown hair and black caught his eye. The man he was looking for was in the crowd that covered the dance floor, hips grinding against the fan-boy’s, hands moving over each others’ bodies and their lips were connected. Before he allowed any knots to twist in his stomach, any hurt to dim his eyes or any lumps to form in his throat, he turned his attention back to the brown haired girl, Samantha.
She was starting to look a bit discouraged in her brave attempt at scoring, possibly, a date for the night from the bassist. But Tommy decided to not let her attempt go in vain. “So, nice to meet you, Samantha, I’m Tommy,” he stuck his hand out to shake hers.
Slipping her hand into his, simple words lured the two to a small table. Tommy sipped on his fifth beer, glancing every now and then towards the dance floor, while Samantha chatted away about her life as she barely drank any of her apple martini. The blonde’s attention was mostly on her mouth as it moved, the lip gloss that she used was starting to rub off each time she raised her glass to her lips. Then something she said caught his attention.
“You know, I’ve been talking this whole time, and you’ve barely said anything. I can tell something’s distracting you… is it girlfriend problems or something?”
He shook his head, “No… actually, I don’t have one. I’m just… trying to mellow out. A few of my friends are here partying and I just wanted some quiet time, really.”
“Oh, okay… you looked like you were looking for someone when I bumped into you, I didn’t know—”
“Oh, no, it’s not…” Tommy debated with himself; did he want to reveal the truth to her? If he did, they’d be in another city tomorrow and he’d never see her again anyway. It couldn’t hurt to just say it openly, right? No, he decided. “Well, to be honest, I’m trying to forget someone. I figured alcohol and… maybe some company tonight would help me do that.” Maybe he shouldn’t have added that last part, he winced at his own stupidity but instead of receiving a slap in the face or a scoff, Samantha just smiled, gently.
“I figured as much,” she looked down at her glass, her fingers moved in circles around the bottom of it. “That’s what I’m here for, too. I’ll spare you the pathetic details, but I found out that my last boyfriend was cheating on me. I came here with a friend as her treat to help me forget him after our breakup but that was until she got carried away by some guy that was hitting on her,” she laughed humorlessly.
“That sucks,” The blonde glanced at Samantha, then to Adam with the fan-boy, then back to her. “Listen, how about we grab a cab back to the hotel I’m staying at and we can take care of each other for tonight?” He paused a moment and held his hands up in defense, “If you want to though.”
A small smirk caught the corner of her lips; despite the saddened look in her eyes, her voice said different, “Sure. No strings.”
He nodded with a small smile, “No strings.”
He loved the feel of Adam’s lips on his, his tongue rubbing against his, the heat of the moment was what left him with heat coiling in his stomach, and the feel that just for a moment, Adam was his. He hated the fact that it was all for the fan-girls, he hated that the kiss couldn’t be more, he hated that he got hard just from Adam’s seductive nature, and he hated the fact that Adam was not his. The harsh part of reality set in every time the concert ended and he was left to himself.
Tonight was no different. The show had ended with millions of screams, several applauses, and one very thrilled fan-boy that was on the receiving end of Adam’s term ‘tongue-diving.’ Tommy would be lying if he said that the act hadn’t hurt him, that jealousy hadn’t surged through every vein in his body, or that he was totally fine with it. But he wouldn’t admit that to anyone.
Heading backstage after he sat his bass down for the road crew to pack up with all the other instruments, Tommy passed by Monte and Lisa talking about heading out to a club while they were in Rhode Island. They were staying the night at the hotel where their performance was and tonight was one of the best nights to party out. And if there was partying, alcohol was definitely welcomed to Tommy. He was the kind of guy that had a beer or two with every meal he ate.
As he headed to the dressing room to take off his costume and wipe off most of his makeup, he spotted Adam leading a younger boy down the hall with their fingers laced together. He tried to refrain from stopping dead in his tracks and to keep a straight face, thank God for blank expressions and thankfully the makeup was so thick around his eyes that it hid most of his emotions that he felt. His steps slowed but were unnoticed by Adam as he cast a wink and a smile towards Tommy as he passed him with the familiar face that was on the receiving end of the ‘tongue-diving,’ grinning away like a star-struck teenager. No doubt he was, star-struck, Tommy hoped, the man was almost thirty, he knew Adam had enough sense to avoid jailbait.
He turned to see the two heading to Adam’s dressing room that was on the other end of the hallway from the rest of the band’s room. And just as they entered the room, a black tear fell down Tommy’s cheek betraying his will to keep everything he was feeling at bay. Jealousy. Envy. Hate. And most of all, unjustified hurt.
When he turned back around to head onto the dressing room, he jumped with surprise at the person that was standing there. One of his best friends in the band and the guy that seemed to pick up on everything that happened around him, Tommy would’ve held a grudge against him since he knew about Tommy’s secret but it was hard to do that with someone like Longineu. The drummer was too kindhearted to hold anything against so when Longineu only threw his arm around Tommy’s shoulders, walking with him to the dressing room, Tommy welcomed it as he wiped away any traces of his heart shards from his cheek.
Longineu didn’t say anything for a long time as they entered the dressing room, and the two started getting ready for the club that they were heading to with everyone else. Tommy was grateful for that, he hated exposing such vulnerability to anyone, he hated the fact that someone knew his secret, but it was comforting in the least since it was Longineu and no one else. He trusted that the drummer wouldn’t utter a word about it to anyone.
“Are you getting trashed tonight?” Longineu’s question was typical, but his voice cutting through the silence startled Tommy.
He shrugged carelessly as he slipped the faded blue t-shirt on; his face was now clean of any stage makeup aside from the smudged remains of eyeliner. “Maybe. It just depends.”
The drummer was silent for a moment, until he nodded, “Depends on if the fan boy is there with Adam?”
Tommy couldn’t help the small smile spreading across his lips in bitter amusement, yeah, the drummer knew him very well; alcohol killed all the sadness that he felt about his situation, and it was the perfect remedy for nights as such. “Yeah.”
He stared at his reflection for a moment, scanning over every detail of his clothing. The t-shirt was something that he wore almost every day, the cotton fabric was too comfy to resist, the black jeans were snug on his hips, the edges of the shirt slightly covering the studded belt of his. Aside from the dark circles under his eyes from the lack of sleep on a tour bus, he believed he looked nice.
Longineu shook his head at Tommy checking himself out, chuckling to himself, “Well, if that is the case at the club, I hear there are some very beautiful women in Rhode Island, I’m sure they’d be excited to spend the night with a rock star.”
A laugh slipped through Tommy’s lips, “Always great to have a Plan B in every situation.”
“You know it, bro.”
Above the bottle of beer on the counter of the bar, Tommy stared at the entrance of the club. To the casual eye, he’d appear to be looking for someone to come in, but if anyone asked, he’d simply say that he was lost in his thoughts. But if he was being honest with himself, he was waiting for Adam to show up. The black haired man had yet to appear with or without a certain fan boy hanging off his arm, the bassist tried to keep his mind free from thoughts of what might be happening between those two but it was hard not to. That’s where the third beer and the shot of whiskey came in handy.
The storm of thoughts in Tommy’s mind was slowly starting to calm from the alcohol he consumed. The beat of the music playing on the sound system was finally flowing into his ears and he was about to mellow out until the call of nature hit him. Liquor always seemed to go straight to his bladder, so he slipped off the barstool, and headed towards the bathrooms. The plan of watching for Adam, be damned, for the moment.
After taking care of his business, Tommy exited the bathrooms and headed back to his seat, his eyes searching the dance floor for a black haired giant which caused him to bump into a beautiful brown-haired girl. “I’m sorry about—”
She quickly shook her head, “It’s not a problem, I’m a bit of a klutz, it was my fault.” Their eyes met under the dim lights of the bar and Tommy could’ve sworn that she had the most gorgeous pair of green eyes he’d ever seen. They lit up with the smile that overtook her lips, “I’m Samantha.”
He returned her smile and was about to head off when a flash of light brown hair and black caught his eye. The man he was looking for was in the crowd that covered the dance floor, hips grinding against the fan-boy’s, hands moving over each others’ bodies and their lips were connected. Before he allowed any knots to twist in his stomach, any hurt to dim his eyes or any lumps to form in his throat, he turned his attention back to the brown haired girl, Samantha.
She was starting to look a bit discouraged in her brave attempt at scoring, possibly, a date for the night from the bassist. But Tommy decided to not let her attempt go in vain. “So, nice to meet you, Samantha, I’m Tommy,” he stuck his hand out to shake hers.
Slipping her hand into his, simple words lured the two to a small table. Tommy sipped on his fifth beer, glancing every now and then towards the dance floor, while Samantha chatted away about her life as she barely drank any of her apple martini. The blonde’s attention was mostly on her mouth as it moved, the lip gloss that she used was starting to rub off each time she raised her glass to her lips. Then something she said caught his attention.
“You know, I’ve been talking this whole time, and you’ve barely said anything. I can tell something’s distracting you… is it girlfriend problems or something?”
He shook his head, “No… actually, I don’t have one. I’m just… trying to mellow out. A few of my friends are here partying and I just wanted some quiet time, really.”
“Oh, okay… you looked like you were looking for someone when I bumped into you, I didn’t know—”
“Oh, no, it’s not…” Tommy debated with himself; did he want to reveal the truth to her? If he did, they’d be in another city tomorrow and he’d never see her again anyway. It couldn’t hurt to just say it openly, right? No, he decided. “Well, to be honest, I’m trying to forget someone. I figured alcohol and… maybe some company tonight would help me do that.” Maybe he shouldn’t have added that last part, he winced at his own stupidity but instead of receiving a slap in the face or a scoff, Samantha just smiled, gently.
“I figured as much,” she looked down at her glass, her fingers moved in circles around the bottom of it. “That’s what I’m here for, too. I’ll spare you the pathetic details, but I found out that my last boyfriend was cheating on me. I came here with a friend as her treat to help me forget him after our breakup but that was until she got carried away by some guy that was hitting on her,” she laughed humorlessly.
“That sucks,” The blonde glanced at Samantha, then to Adam with the fan-boy, then back to her. “Listen, how about we grab a cab back to the hotel I’m staying at and we can take care of each other for tonight?” He paused a moment and held his hands up in defense, “If you want to though.”
A small smirk caught the corner of her lips; despite the saddened look in her eyes, her voice said different, “Sure. No strings.”
He nodded with a small smile, “No strings.”