Starry Night

Snow continued to fall in Dalton, as well as the temperature. This week was one of the coldest, but it felt the same as any other day to me. The fireplace roared non-stop in order to keep the heat off, and the house constantly smelled of a wood, either burned or fresh. I can’t say that I minded though. It reminded me of the movies, where people would sit and read all day by the orange warmth of the fire, and now that it was February vacation, this was what I was doing. Words flowed off the page and lured me into their world, an escape from everything.

“You wanna do something today,” asked Taylor. She was on speakerphone while I flipped my book’s pages, forgetting which one I put my bookmark in.

“Yeah, it’ll be fun to get out of the house.” My mother had been working all week because of some big project her company was working on. She had promised to take it off, but of course, this wouldn’t be the first time she let me down in one way or another.
“Good, there’s a ski hill you can sled down not far from Dalton. It’s really steep and a ton of fun, although it’s kinda childish.”

“No, I don’t mind. I’ve never been sledding remember?”

“Oh right! I’ve got some ski pants you can borrow. I’ll be over in a bit.” She hung up, leaving me in a quiet house except for the crackling of the fire. I studied it for a minute, as the flames licked the dry wood and sparks danced around the edges. Black smoke lifted into the chimney as the wood became blackened and slowly disappeared, turning into ashes.

There was a knock at the door, and I grabbed my snow boots as I turned the knob. “Just a second, Taylor.” I looked up, facing a pair of worn out jeans and a sweatshirt. “Hi Stacy.”
“You have a lot of nerve, Connor,” I said, turning away towards the living room. He followed me, closing the door behind him, and said, “I know. I just wanted to say—.”

“Say what, sorry? Right, because one word can just fix everything.”

“I wasn’t going to say sorry,” He stepped closer, putting his hands on my arms. “I know it’s not enough. I wanted to make it up to you, by taking you out today.” His eyes shone orange and fierce as the fireplace roared next to him. That blonde hair was matted down and messy from his hat, and his cheeks were rosy from the cold.

“I’ve already made plans sledding.” Connor sighed and looked into the dying fire. “It was fun at the dance though,” he whispered.

“With Ashley—“ He shot me a look, “No, I should never have left you alone that night.” There was knock at the door, and I finished pulling my boots on.

Connor gave me another pleading look, “Think about it tomorrow, Stacy. Please.” I had never seen him upset, and I didn’t like it. His eyes seemed lifeless and gray, and his taunting smirk had disappeared. Another knock. “I don’t know, Connor.”

As he left, Taylor came in with a dumb-founded look. “Sit down,” I said, “I’ll get some hot chocolate.” With two mugs in hand, I took a seat next to her and we started talking for a long time after that.

*

I added more wood to the fading fire and we took marshmallows from the cabinet. “It’s not that I don’t love him, I really do, but…it just doesn’t have the same feeling as it does here with him,” I said sipping our infamous coffee-hot chocolate.

“Are we talking about Florida dude or Ditching dude?”

I laughed, “I honestly don’t know anymore.”

“Well…” Taylor said studying a picture of Brandon and me, “I can’t honestly answer it for you.”

“I didn’t ask you to.” She became serious and looked into the flames. “About the ‘date’ tomorrow though, you do realize this is out of pity,” Taylor said.

“He said he should never have left me alone that night,” I whispered.

Her eyes were strong and hard, “All I’m saying is think about it before you say yes to his doggy face.” My eyes fell to the crinkled paper with Connor’s phone number, and I looked back up to Taylor. “I don’t think I know how to reply to that.”

Thoughts swirled around my head and every time I closed my eyes I replayed the moment he left me at the dance. I wasn’t supposed to be hurt or upset, but I was. I wasn’t even supposed to like him, but my mind and heart always ended up in his direction. The numbers on the page seemed to jump out and say, “Please!” I wrinkled it into a ball and threw it on the floor. My eyes closed, “I’m going to sleep.”

When I woke up, my mother was in the kitchen talking to Taylor, and cooking something that made my stomach growl. I took my cold mug and one last look at the dying fire before entering the other room. The snow had picked up again, dotting the road with each little, shining flake.

"Do we have like eight feet now," I asked groggily, setting my mug in the sink.

"It would be one foot," said Taylor. My body collapsed in the chair next to her, "Feels like a lot more." My mother laughed and stood up to check whatever was cooking in the oven. When she opened the door, its sweet aroma filled the air, making my stomach churn with hunger.

"I'm starved. How long was I out for?" Taylor thought for a moment, glancing at the clock, "A few hours, it's almost five now." The sun was slowly sinking behind the majestic mountains, casting its final orange glow on the sky; but now, somewhere else, the moon was rising. When you say good-bye to one, you say hello to the other.

"Well, I should probably be getting home," Taylor said, slicing through the icy surface of the silence, "Call me later through, if you go out." We both knew exactly what she meant, simply by the others stare.

"Right," my eyes looked back to the crumpled paper on the floor.

"Bye, Stacy."

The rest of the night was quiet. The silence, although unwelcome, still lurked around my mom and I all the time. "It's moments like these," I said, keeping my eyes on my dinner plate, "It's moments like these that I miss dad the most."

My mother, washing the dishes, froze and rested her forearms on the edge of the sink. "I know," she said, her voice rough. A single drop of water landed on the soapy plate. "I know."

*

I laid in bed a while late that night, thinking about everything and solving puzzles I had never known the answer to; only one left me stumped. His number was propped up next to the nightstand light, and my eyes traced each pencil stroke once, twice, three times. Finally, I turned the light out and slept a dreamless night. The moment my eyes opened, it was morning.

My mother had already left by the time I made it downstairs. The house was quiet except for the occasional creaking and whooshing of wind outside. I made myself a cup of coffee-hot chocolate and paced throughout the house, discovering new places within it. I flipped my cell phone in my palm over and over, thinking about Connor. Somewhere inside me, I was urged to say yes, almost as if telling myself I would regret it later if I didn't. 'No' was shorter and easier, but 'yes' opened up a line of new doors and passages. My fingers dialed his number before I could stop myself. It rang twice. "Hi."

"I'll be over in a minute.”